It’s been a long time since I wrote in my blog… It’s not that I don’t have anything to write, but I just couldn’t find myself to write my inner thoughts anymore…

Papa left me last year, Mamie Julie also left me this year and Doctor has advised me to write my sorrow in order for me to have a platform and grief properly… But, I don’t know what to write except the word “pain”, “miss”, “longing”, “painful”, “darkness”…

I remember that you loved to write as well.. Both of us love to write actually.. We both love to express our emotions through writing… But, since we broke up, I never write any letters for anyone.. It’s like, I want that to be just “our thing”… That’s how I want to remember you..

Few days ago, I heard about your life story and how you have been hurt.. Hearing that, my heart felt hurt again… I even cried….

Why can’t you just be happy? How dare she can hurt you like that? Why can’t you live your life happily ever after? Why she didn’t cherish you well? Doesn’t she know that it’s a life time good luck to be able to be with you? Why? Why? Why….. I let you go because after everything, I thought I didn’t deserve the perfect you… I was not good enough… I thought you would find a better happiness, a real one…

After all these years, there’s not a year without me praying for your happiness… On my birthday, on your birthday, on Christmas day; I always pray for your happiness and your mom’s too… You have been always in my prayer… I don’t pray for just anybody.. Besides you, I only mentioned my dad… After all, I am afraid that God is too busy to take care of everyone so I only mentioned the people I care deeply…

I know that you would never see / read my blog… That’s why I am writing all my feelings in here.. It’s not that I don’t want you to know.. But, I just don’t want to add any burden in your life… Unless being friend with me is what you want, I wouldn’t want to disrupt your life… I care about your heart too much…

Sometimes, I see your IG.. I love the way you interact with your son… He seems like a very smart kid, a great son… You really have raised him well… Seeing him is like seeing how hard you worked all this time.. He’s your pride and joy… I wish he could continue to make you smile and happy… Because, you have suffered enough.. I can feel the pain of what you have been through emotionally and financially… Dear, you really deserve to be happy…

I am now reading all of the letters you sent me again for the 100th of time… Thank you for giving me this along with the 298 birds and other stuffs.. Everytime I remember you, I always read them again… It gives me warmth everytime my heart feels cold…

I hope that life can be more kind to you.. I wish you every hope and joy… All I care is to see you smile.. Please remember, you are the person that I always compare every guy to… It’s because you are so perfect in my eyes…

Please don’t look down on yourself, don’t be under confident… You will always matter.. Because you are you…

QQ