Part 1: Waking up (Anthony)
It feels weird. I try to open my eyes to see but I couldn’t see things clearly. Everything looks blurry. I try to move both my feet and hands but they are so heavy. After a while, I could my move my hands but I still couldn’t move my feet even though I have tried so hard. I try to move my head and find that there is a girl with a long hair resting her head onto my bed while holding my left hand. I am looking at her hand to find out whether she is Ruby. Ruby always wears a bracelet engraved with her name since I gave it to her as a present for her 17th birthday. I am glad that I can see the bracelet and recognize that she is indeed Ruby. I am looking around at the surroundings and try to recall what happened earlier. I remember about the sudden car crash with the big truck.
There is someone who opens the door and walks towards me wearing a nurse uniform. I must be at the hospital now. She looks at my eyes, walks through the door and shouts
“The patient has woken up. Please call the Prof Wendy to come immediately.”
Her voice wakes Ruby up. She opens her eyes, looks at me and says:
“Thon? Are you really awake? Can you recognize me? How do you feel now?”
I am smiling at her. She looks thinner than before. I also can see a black mark under her eyes. Her face is not as fresh as it used to. Her face looks tired. I try to answer her question by moving my mouth but I still cannot speak things clearly at the beginning.
“I am alright. I know that you have been worried about me all this time. I had the longest dream. I am afraid that I cannot wake up and see you. Sometimes, I can hear your voice calling my name.”
She is crying hysterically and replies:
“Do you know that you have been unconscious for over two weeks? I am so scared that I don’t have a chance to tell you how sorry I am. I am sorry that you got the terrible accident because I was very selfish. I am really sorry. I don’t want you to leave me again.”
She hugs me and I could really fill her tears wetting my shirt. I try to move my right hand around her head and calm her. The last thing I want to see is for my Ruby to cry.
“I am good now. Don’t worry. The accident was not your fault. I was driving the car too fast. Can you get me a drink? I am thirsty.”
She sobs her tears and tries to give me something to drink.
“I am not sure whether I can move your body to sit down. I am going to grab some straws for you to drink. Wait for me.”
I am glad that Ruby is near by my side. Suddenly, I remember our last conversation on the night before the accident. She told me that she and Christian is already a couple. My heart fee aches. I think that I have to feel grateful that she is here but is she really with Christian now? Does she already belong to another person?
She comes in with a doctor who is clearly not from Indonesia and also a couple of nurses entering the room cutting my own imagination that she is not mine to have.
“Hello Anthony. I am Doctor Wendy. I have been taken care of you for the past weeks. How do you feel? Do you feel dizzy or experiencing any nausea? Can you move your hands and feet?”
I stare at the Doctor and answer her
“I am not feeling dizzy or nausea. But, I still couldn’t see things clearly. I can move my hands but I cannot move my feet.”
Doctor Wendy replies to me
“Don’t worry. It’s probably just a temporary reaction due to the accident. We will schedule you to have a thorough examination tomorrow. In the mean while, we won’t remove the neck protector for a while before the examination. You may drink only water at the moment. After tomorrow, we should see your progress.”
I am smiling to the Doctor and say thank you. She tries to lift up my feet one by one and both of my hands. She also asks me to open my mouth. After a quick check, she is asking the nurse to take some blood samples for further examination. After the doctor has left us, I ask Ruby about whether my mom came here.
“Did my mom come?”
“Yes. She did. However, she asked me to take care of you instead because she has to go back to take care of the shop. You know that she has no help. She came by every other 2 or 3 days to check up on you. I already sent her a text informing her that you already wake up. She is very happy.”
“How about my dad? Did he know or come? Did my mother blame you for the accident?”
My dad has left me since I was three years old. I am closer with Ruby’s father rather than my own.
“Your dad called but he couldn’t come at the moment. Your mom didn’t blame me for what happened. You don’t have worry. My mom comes by every other time to see you when I was at work. She has been worried sick about you. You know that she loves you more than she loves me.”
I am smiling at her. Her mother is like a second mother to me. She is the one who teaches me until end of Junior high. I always do well at school because I accompany Eason to study with her. About my father, I know that Ruby is lying. My father wouldn’t have called her. He doesn’t even know her number. I am also afraid about my mom. Knowing her character, she must have given Ruby a hard time. I hope that Ruby didn’t take anything she said seriously.
“How’s Papa condition? Is he better now?”
“He is getting better. You don’t have to worry. You just need to rest now. I will take care of everything else.”
I am so getting used to take care of Ruby, not the other way around. Now, I know that I also need her desperately. I am looking at her deeply. I have missed her badly. I have dreamt of her, wished that I could open my eyes to see her every day, be at her side when she needs me. I am afraid that she would be gone someday. I am really glad that she is here. She is the only person that I could rely on. She is also the only person I love in this world. She is my only family.
I am asking her to come close to me and hold her hand tightly. I finally ask her to not leave me anymore.
“Rub, don’t leave me ok?”
“I would never leave you but I still need to go to the office every day. I will come by every morning, during lunch time and even spend the night with you, ok?”
I know that she has done a full routine lately by checking up on me every other time. I also can hear her crying at night when she begged me to wake up. There was also a time when I could only shed my tears to let her know that I was listening to every word she said. Unfortunately, she might not saw them. I wished I could let her know that I love her. I wished I could let her know that I wouldn’t leave her, not so quick, not before I make her the happiest woman on earth.
I finally give my response to her
“Ok. You can come to the hospital as often as you like. But, I don’t want you to not have your rest properly. I will ask the nurse to move me to a join room. You should sleep in a proper bed. It doesn’t matter about the room fee. By the way, who has paid for my treatment? Was it my mom or you? Starting from now, you can pay all of it using my credit cards. They are all in my wallet. You can also take some cash from the ATM. The pin number is your birthday. If you have paid the fees all this time, I want you to transfer the money from my account to yours. If you don’t do them, I will still do it later on. I know that you want me to get some rests but you also need to do things I tell you to. I don’t want you to put everything on yourself. It’s not your fault that I got into an accident nor it is also your responsible to pay for all the fees. Accidents are never planned. It’s something that is beyond our reach.”
She is touching my hand. Her hand feels warm and soft. She says
“Thank you for not blaming me. Don’t worry about any fee. The only important thing for you is to get better now. I will make some a call to the office and ask for a leave today. I want to stay beside you today while you are still under observation. In the mean while, I will talk to Doctor Wendy for a while and ask her about your current medication and further steps to make you as healthy as you used to.”
“Ok… Can you please give me my mobile phone? I want to make some calls.”
“Ok! Not too many! You still need to rest.”
She is kissing my forehead and leaving the room for a while. I am really happy that she just gave me that kiss. I don’t know about Christian and Ruby’s development. I am not sure about their relationships status either. Should I tell her that she can be with Chris? I am not whether I am ready to let her go after I told her about my real feelings. We couldn’t go back to the way we used to. Now, she knows that I love her deeply and I want her to become mine. I have to ask her about Chris later on. I really wish that she never went to Sydney and met him in the first place.
I am making a call to my mother and tell her not to come all the way to Jakarta. I also ask her to apologize to Ruby if she has said something which might hurt her feelings. My mom also told me that Rudy was the one who has paid for the hospital fee since the beginning. She rejected the money my mother gave to her. She told mom that she will handle everything.
I have no idea what Ruby has to over work in order to be able to pay my hospital fee and also helping her mother to pay for her father’s treatment. I don’t know where she gets all the money from. I am also not sure Papa’s condition now. If he is still in ICCU, the fee must be really high. I am checking my balance account and transfer to her Rp. 100.000.000 to her account using my mobile banking. I know that she won’t even touch any of my ATM. I knew her to well.
She comes back after a while, takes my phone from my hand and asks me to rest.
Her eyes look red. It seems that she has been crying after she left the room. I am not sure what Prof. Wendy told her earlier. I need to find out the truth about my health but I also don’t want to questions her right now. She doesn’t have the strength to explain it. She needs to get some rest. I will ask the Doctor myself when she visits me later. Ruby has been through enough lately.
“Please get some more sleep. Prof. Wendy told me that you need to rest your eyes.”
“Ruby, I don’t want to close my eyes for now. I want to look at you as much as I could. I want to look at the one I love the most. I am afraid if I close my eyes, I wouldn’t able to see you again.”
She is holding my right hand, placing it against her check and says
“Stop saying things like that. Did you have any idea how afraid I was? I told you that I don’t want to leave in the world where you don’t exist. Promise me that we will stay together forever. Promise me that you will stay by my side. Promise me that you won’t do anything reckless in the future every again. You have to promise me all of those things. Otherwise, I will live in fear.”
I want to get up and hug her tightly but the doctor told me not to move my head.
“I promise Rub… I won’t do anything reckless again in the future. I thought that you didn’t need me anymore. You told me that you were already together with Christian. I was so angry that night because I thought that we were hopeless. Now that you know I have loved you differently, I cannot go back to be your brother again. I cannot stay by your side as only your best friend. I never thought that by speeding the car, I could have that terrible accident and made you worry all this time.”
Her tears start to fall down and reach my hands and she continues to say
“Thon, I am not together with Christian anymore. Christian and I were wrong from the start. I won’t leave your side from now on. I will stay with you, grow old together with you. I will love you, only you. No one else matters. You just have to live well and stay by my side. You won’t be my brother or my best friend in the future. You will be my husband, the one that I will spend the rest of my life with.”
I couldn’t believe what I have just heard. Is this true? Is she finally mine? But, I have to check her feelings towards me. I never want her to love me unwillingly.
“You don’t have to force yourself to love me. I never confess my feelings for you for 20 years because I don’t want you to feel the pressure to love me back. I just want you to live happily. That night, I lost my emotion. It won’t happen again in the future. Rub, it’s not your responsible to take care of me. Please don’t love me because I had that accident. I am telling you once again that the accident wasn’t your fault.
“You are wrong. I really love you. I have loved you for all these years but I didn’t realize it until I thought that I have lost you. The accident was just a trigger for me to see who I love the most for all this time. Please don’t think about any other reason for me not to love you because I do, I do love you very much. When you are better, we can make an announcement to everyone about our engagement. I promise that I won’t look at another man. I promise that I will be faithful to you and love you all my life. Please don’t pull me away from you.”
She starts to hug me. My tears start to drop from my blurry eyes. I don’t care if she just lied to me. I don’t want to miss the chance of having her in my life. I am so glad that she finally agrees to give herself to me. I swear with my own life that I will make her happy. Even though she hasn’t loved me now, I will make her to love me. I will make her the happiest bride and give her my eternal love.
I am kissing her head, smelling her hair and whisper
“Thank you. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up. If this is for real, I never want to sleep. Thank you darling. I will cherish you for all my life. I won’t hurt your feelings and make you cry. I will make you happy that you made the right decision. We will live a beautiful and romantic life together.”
We are hugging for a long time. I finally know that my real life starts now.
Part 2: A New Direction (Ruby)
Thank God that Anthony is already awake. But, a new problem starts now. Prof. Wendy has told me that need to do some therapies in order for him to walk again. Apparently, the most severe damage is on his feet. The other concern is about the damage on his head. The hospital will do an MRI tomorrow. The problem is he cannot see things clearly after he wakes up and the Prof. Wendy is not so sure whether this is just temporary or it will even go worse in the future. No matter what will happen in the future, I will stay by his side and do everything I can to help him back to his normal condition.
I feel bad that I have to take a one day off since I just joined Wong a couple of weeks ago. If it wasn’t for Christian or his mom, they probably had fired me by now. Anthony is now asleep due to the effect from his medicine. Prof. Wendy gave him a pain killer due to his head injury. I wonder if I should leave Anthony for a while to settle things out with Rudy and Chris. I don’t want them to disturb Anthony’s mood in the future. I wonder who should I call first but finally, I choose to call Rudy as he is much easier to deal with. At least, we haven’t been in touched in over a year.
I ask Rudy to come to Le Meridien Hotel where I talked to Anna earlier. I need to find the right mood to talk to him. All I can think about now is only Christian even though I am meeting Rudy now. I know that I had committed myself to be with Anthony for the rest of my life. But, I am just afraid that Chris wouldn’t give up so easily. I am also scared that I don’t have the bravery to say my decisions in front of him. Deep down in my heart, I know that he is still in my heart. I see Rudy waving his hand to me. I stand up and wave my hand as a signal for him to come in.
“Thank you for coming on such a short notice. Is it ok for you to get off from work this early? It’s only 04.30 PM now.” I ask Rudy politely.
“It’s ok. I am doing 4 stages for Wong and now am only stage 1 which is data collection. My days are not busy at all compare to what I had in Germany.”
Rudy looks happy to see me. I really don’t know how to begin my conversation with him. He continues to ask me a question about Kevin instead.
“Who was the guy who took you for dinner? You two seem very close.”
I am smiling at him and answer
“He’s my best friend from Sydney. He’s also Christian’s best friend. I have lived with him for almost a year. He is here to support Christian not for seeing me in particular. Why do you ask?”
He is looking at me very seriously and says
“I don’t know. It bothers me that you two seem close with each other. I also find it weird that Christian was yelled at me to stay away from you. Have I missed something?”
I am glad that he asked me about Christian and Kevin. This is my chance to tell him everything. I hope that he can understand where my heart is now.
“Christian and I were in relationship until Anthony got an accident. We like each other even though I haven’t been able to say it out loud in front of him until my last day in Sydney. We got closer since then and even decided to come to Indonesia for me. I even stayed at his place for one year when I was in Sydney along with Kev and Christian’s sister. His mom asked me to work to help him with the transition at Wong. That’s why I came to Wong in the first place. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even change my job.”
Rudy looks sad and he finally asks
“Did you break things up with him so you can get together with Anthony? I know that you might want to take care of him. You must feel that it’s your responsibility to be at Anthony’s side.”
I am shaking my head and answer him
“Hm… For some parts, I think that you are right but for some other parts, you got it all wrong. I never tell you about this but I think that I should tell you right now.”
“What is it?” asks him to me anxiously.
“I felt worthless when Roy left me in Sydney, especially during my darkest time. I felt that my heart was fallen into pieces when you decided to leave me to go to Germany. I felt even worse when you told me that you are getting married and Anna had even pregnant. I felt miserable when I decided to break things up with Christian. But, I can live without any of you. I can survive and I can even find another love after Roy or you had left me before.”
Rudy is listening attentively. I am not whether I am saying things too direct. But, this is my purpose to see him. I need him to move on and find his happiness instead. I continue to explain to him
“With Anthony, it’s all very different. He is like my other half. I couldn’t imagine living my life without him and I just found out that he also feels the same. We are going to get engaged soon and I hope that you can pray for our happiness like I prayed for yours before. I know that this must have been hard on you. Trust me; I really know how you feel. I felt the exact same thing when you we met at Sarinah before. I am really sorry but I want you to find your happiness and stop wasting your time with me. You deserve a much better person. I am just a regular girl.”
Rudy says no other words for a long time. The only thing he does is just staring at the table. I know Rudy. He is a person who cannot express his feelings in a public place like this.
“Can I take you somewhere now? I wouldn’t ask you to do anything again in the future. It’s just this one time. I want to spend some time with you alone without any distractions.”
I look at his face and don’t have the heart to reject him. I finally give him an answer
“Ok! But, I need to make some phone calls first.”
I decide to call Anthony’s mobile. I am afraid that he will start looking for me when he wakes up. I tell him that I need to take care of a couple of things first. He doesn’t probe me further. I tell him that I will come by first thing in the morning. I am also texting Christian to meet me tomorrow night at his apartment. I hope that I can focus on Anthony’s treatment and his medication after I settle things out with Rudy and Christian.
Part 3: It’s a Beautiful Night (Ruby)
Rudy is driving his car. He doesn’t tell me where we are going until now.
“Where will we go?” I ask Rudy.
“We will go to my place and then two other places. I want to show you something.”
We arrive at Shangrilla’s apartment. I just found out that he is living here currently. This is a high end apartment. IBM really gives the best facility for their employees. We go to the 22nd floor and he starts to open his key.
“Please wait here for a while. I need to prepare something first.”
I am sitting on the couch and see that our pictures are framed everywhere. There are our pictures hanging on the wall. There are also our pictures on the desk and even on the refrigerator. He even put all displays I gave them to him a long time ago on the table. There is no even one who is not in his apartment. I wonder what his bedroom might look like after seeing the living room. Suddenly, I remember about our beautiful memories earlier. He really has been the love of my life. He walks towards me and starts to say
“Please close your eyes. I want to show you something. Hold my hands and start walking slowly.”
I am following his request and start to walk slowly until he tells me to stop.
I am looking at the beautiful wedding gown. It’s so white and I remember that I showed him this model from a magazine before. This is Vera Wang’s brand.
He is now putting his hands around my waist from behind. I try to pull his hands out but he asks me to stand still. He whispers
“Please allow me to hug you like we used to. I bought this wedding dress for you the day after we met at the hospital. I went to Singapore for a day and tried to find this gown. I remember that you really liked the design few years ago. If it wasn’t because of Anna, we would have been married by now. You wouldn’t go to Sydney and met another man. I know that I cannot compare myself with Anthony but at least, I love you as much as he loves you. You have no idea how many times I have prayed to God to bring you back into my life. It has been my dream to marry you but now, I know that it’s impossible.”
I turn my body to look at him. I see tears coming down from his face. I really don’t know what to say or how to react to his last words.
“Can I ask you to wear this for me for one time? I will give you this as a wedding present from me. Whoever you will marry in the future, I want you to walk down the aisle wearing this with a thousand prayers from me. I only wish that you could live happily.”
I am truly touched. I never know that he loves me this much. He continues to say
“Let me change to wear my tux first. I want to make a memory that I will keep for the rest of my life. If I couldn’t marry you in this life, I will marry you in the next life.”
Before I say yes, he already left the room. I change my cloth to wear the wedding gown. I never thought that he is really serious to hope that our relationship will last until marriage. I thought that he only wants to start things over. I look at myself in the mirror and admire the beautiful wedding gown. I burst into tears but this is happy tears. I imagine myself to wear this beautiful gown on my wedding day. There is a sound of a door being knocked. I open the door and look at Rudy wearing his tux. He is looking his best ever. He is holding my hand and walks me to see the mirror as if we are walking down the aisle.
“You look really beautiful. I wish that this is real. Rub, for all my life I want to say to my bride that I will love her forever. I will love her in health and sickness, for rich and for poor. I will never leave her until deaths do us part. I always imagine that my bride would be you. I love you Ruby. I loved you before and I still love you now.”
I am so touched by his words. I am hugging him to give my last love for him, to let go any feelings I still have for Rudy. I know that Rudy is not a romantic guy. He only does things when he truly means them.
Later on, he asks me to change and starts to drive the car and take me to Dunia Fantasi or Fantasy World. It’s a theme park in Jakarta. I wonder if the park is still open as it’s already 08.00 PM when we arrive. I wonder why he wants to take me to a theme park.
“I always want to take you to ride the Ferris wheel at night and see Jakarta with me. Let’s go inside.”
We go to the Ferris wheel and because that today’s a working day in Jakarta. There are no many people in the theme park. The wheel starts to turn slowly and we are now at the top. The views are magnificent. It’s a big city filled with beautiful lights.
“Cing, look at the skies and look at the stars there. I will teach you how to see a star using your hand. You can put your hands together to look like stars. I remember that you like stars very much and someday, I wish that I could name a star after your name. But, we can only do that in US. You have been a star in my life that lights my life. I feel lucky to have you in my life. It’s my fault to let go of you even though it’s never my will. Now, it’s already too late.”
He continues to speak with tears falling down from his eyes
“When you are not with me, for every night when I look at the stars, I always think about you. I never admire how beautiful the stars were but they always remind me of you. I really want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to share my everything; not only 1 time, 2 times, 3 times, 10 times, 20 times or even 100 times but as much as I can and for as long as I live. The only thing that lifted up my spirit in Germany is hoping to see you in the future and see the stars together like we used to. I love you, I love you, I really love you.”
I look at him and he looks unbelievably sad. I am holding his hand while putting my head to rest at his shoulder. I can feel that he is lonely. He is a hard person to get close to. His mother said to me that she could never enter Rudy’s world. It seems that no one could understand or dare to be around him. He is very cold to everyone. If I continue to act cold with him right now, I am not sure that he can hold his pain anymore. He needs me right now. He puts his left hand around my arms. He is kissing my forehead and suddenly burst into tears like a child.
I hug him for a while and let him cry for a while. I understand his pain. Losing me is like losing the only person he could talk to and the only person he is close with. If only he can start to open his heart to someone else. I start to sing him our songs give him comfort. We are standing up together and he takes me to dance.
Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You’re the answer when I prayed
I would find someone and baby I found you
And all I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more everyday
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday
My tears are also falling down as I start to recall our days before. I couldn’t continue to sing. Rudy starts to talk the things I would never forget forever.
When you came into my life
You presented a big hope in my life which is a dream
I dream to meet you everyday
I dream to celebrate your birthday
I dream to be with you at Christmas
I dream that we walk together
I dream to have dinner with you
I dream to look after you.
I dream that we spend the rest of time
But, the biggest thing inside of me is when I dream that you could live happily ever after with me
Not only for yesterday when we met
Not only at the present nor tomorrow
But forever when the time does still exist.
We continue to dance until the ride is over. I never forget about tonight. There is one more place which he will take me. I wonder where it is.
“Are you cold?” asks Rudy. I am shaking my head but he still opens up his jacket and put it to wrap my body.
“Where are we going now?” I ask him curiously.
“We are going to the beach to see a sun rise. It’s pretty far. You can sleep while I am driving you there. We are going to Anyer.”
I am smiling at him and finally give an answer
“You have to get me back tomorrow morning to the office. I still have to come to the office tomorrow as I already took a day off today.”
“Tomorrow is Saturday. I am sure that the office won’t even open. Look at you. You are too tired to even remember the day. You have to get some sleep before seeing the sunrise with me. I will take you to the hospital to see Anthony afterwards. Tomorrow, I will brace myself to let you go. But for now, please act as my girlfriend for one night. You have to fall in love me for just one night”
I am smiling at him. I couldn’t open my eyes anymore in the car. I want to accompany him but he is right. I am too tired. I only wake up when he asks me to open my eyes.
“It’s already 05.30 AM. You have to open your eyes. Look at the beautiful sun rise.”
I open my eyes and see the sunrise. It’s really beautiful.
“I want you to remember about today. Today is a brand new day for you. You have to rise up like a sun rises every morning. Even though it sets on the night but it will rise and shine the world. For me, you are my sunshine.”
I see this magnificent view. Rudy always knows how to give me a support when I need them.
“Cing, look to the sands over here. I made you something.”
It turns out that he has painted an “I love you” on the sand with two hearts crossed together. He placed a ring which he proposed to me a few years ago. Besides the painting, I see a 3D beautiful castle. I couldn’t believe that someone can actually make this without a help. I wonder how long he took to make this.
“Did you make this all night? I can never make this. It’s so beautiful.”
I am surprised to see the castle. It’s like a Cinderella castle.
“Yes I did. I want to tell you that you are my beautiful princess in my fairy tale life. I always want to propose to the girl I love. I want to be your prince who protects you with his sword to fight against an evil monster. For now, please allow me to be your prince for an hour. Please put on this ring as I am kneeling before you. I won’t say another thing because I know that you will be married with someone else. But promise me that you will place this ring on the other hand. This is for you to remember that there’s always someone who loves you with all his life.”
“Please let me to give you a piggy back ride to walk across the shore.”
I am surprise that he gave such a weird request. No one has given me a piggy back ride since my father and Roy during the avalanche.
“Didn’t you feel tired already? I am so heavy. I don’t want you to carry me. We can just walk.”
“I am not taking no for an answer.”
He smiles at me and bends his body for me to hope on. He carries me to walk and says
“Do you know that they are only one foot prints on the sands while they are two of us now? Please remember that you can always depend on me no matter what. I have done my mistakes in the past for letting you go. I am not asking you to forgive me. But, I really wish that you can share some of your burdens to me. We cannot be lovers in this world but we can always love each other.”
He puts me down after a long walk at the shore. It reminds me about my childhood. My father used to give me a piggy back ride. We are now facing each other. He starts to move his face closer to me. I know that he is trying to kiss me. But, I don’t want to kiss someone I don’t love. I put my hand against his mouth and says
“Don’t make this harder for you than it already is. Good bye is never easy but I can only promise you that you will find someone better than me in the future. Do you know that there is also another girl like Anna who loves you so much? You might not able to see her sacrifice because you always close your eyes to see the truth. If you start to open your heart to see the other side of her, you might think of her differently.”
He is shaking her head and says
“Anna is a great person but she is not you. Please let me kiss you for one last time.”
He is putting his head closer to me. I can see his tears as if they have been zoomed on a camera. I am standing still while he starts to kiss my lips. I don’t respond to his kiss but I let him kiss me to transfer his emotion and to express his final gesture to let me go as the woman he loves. I hope that he could feel better.
He is still not letting go of the kiss after a while. I know that he is waiting for me to respond. I open my eyes and see that he is still closing both of his eyes and kiss me even more passionate. Tears are still coming down both of his face. He starts to put both of his hands around my neck. I know that he won’t stop unless I kiss him back. I put both my hands slowly around his waist and start to kiss him back. This is the last thing I can repay his love for me. I cannot give him my love but I can give him a moment to remember.
He finally let go after a while. He is looking into my eyes and start holding my hand to walks me to his car. He continues to say
“Thank you for the kiss. You know Cing.. When I fell for you, I fell hard. The first time I fell in love with you, it changes my life forever. No matter hard I try, the feeling never goes away.”
We are hugging again for a while before he opens the door car for me. My feelings are all mixed up now. I know that I am just letting go a great man.
We finally head back off to Jakarta. I will never forget about what happened tonight. I won’t forget about the way he looked at me, the way he kissed me and all the beautiful words he said to me. We are still holding hands and he does not let go of his hand all the way to my house. He is holding the hand where I have put on the ring he gave me as a sign of prayer.
Finally, it’s the time for us to say good bye. I finally thank him for the night.
“Thank you for the night. I had a great time. I would never forget this. Promise me that you will be just fine. Promise me that you will do anything to try to open your heart to someone else. Promise me that you will be happy. I promise that we will stay as good friends forever. You will still have me as your best friend. You can call or see me whenever you want to.”
Rudy gets off from his car and hugs me tightly. He whispers
“Only if I could turn back time…………. Sometimes a heart cannot afford to be just friends.”
He turns his body suddenly and goes to his car. He is driving off the car without even saying good bye. Maybe this is really for the best. Maybe, we already had enough good byes until now. I begin to cry as I know that I left him alone. Suddenly, I remember the note he sent to me on our one year anniversary card.
Love can give you to wait, it can also give you hope, it can give you bravery and it can give you to dream. For me, love gives me a life. Thank you for your love Cink. You give me a will to live my life. I never truly live before I met you.
Part 4: A New Plan (Ruby)
I take a shower and go to the hospital right away. When I arrive at the hospital, Anthony has already gone through a full body examination. He has also found out the truth about his legs. He seems desperate and doesn’t even smile he saw me coming in.
“How are you feeling today? The nurse told me that you can start eating porridge slowly. Have you eaten something? Let me help you.”
“I am not hungry. I don’t want to eat.”
I am looking at his facial expression. I try to give him an encouragement
“Your condition right now is only temporary. You can walk again, you can see things clearly again. It just takes time. I will stay by your side to go through this.”
He is now sitting down. The doctor had removed his neck protector. He starts to throw things away. He throws a glass beside him, the flower vase even the food that the hospital has prepared for him.
I hug him tightly and raise my voice to him
“Please don’t be like this. I am here. I am here beside you. It’s ok even if you don’t get better. I don’t need a perfect person, I just need someone that can make me happy and complete my life perfectly. Please don’t do this. I am really scared if you broke down and got depressed like this. You promise me not to do anything reckless anymore. You have promised me. You can’t break your promise to me”
He hugs me back and says
“Rub, I don’t want you to have me as a burden. I want to do many things for you, I still want to take care of you, I want to carry you, hold you and walk you down the aisle. I want to be a person who is strong enough to become your husband. I don’t want to become a disable husband who sits on a wheel chair while the wife is pushing him around. Rub, what should I do? I don’t want to let you go but I don’t want to stay beside you if I cannot make you happy. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do to turn things around?”
He continues to cry hysterically. I finally say
“Thon, no matter what your condition in the future, I will live a happy life with you. We come to love not by finding a perfect and healthy person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Do you understand? You cannot break down like this. We will turn things around. You will join every single therapy and finish it like a champion. I am sure that you can recover in no time. You taught me about not giving up. Now, it’s your turn to not give up on us and on yourself. I will talk to Prof. Wendy. We can go to Singapore for the therapy, we can go anywhere. I promise that you will walk again. I will try any possibilities to make you walk again.”
He replies “But, I am afraid that I could never walk again.”
“No matter what happens in the future, I will stay by your side. If you can’t walk, I will carry you and walk. If you want to run, I will give you a piggy back ride and start running with you. My feet are yours, my hands are yours and my body is yours to have too. I will never leave you. You know that relationships are always stronger during the hard time. You have to trust me that we can go through this together. Don’t lose hope.”
I am finally able to calm his emotion down an hour later. He is now sleeping while holding my left hand. I am really sad to see him like this. He never shows his negative emotion like this before. I need to talk to Prof. Wendy and asks her about any other options to make him walk again. I remember that I still have to spend some time to talk to Christian and make him understand about my decision to commit in a serious relationship with Anthony. I don’t care if we have to get married next week. If this is what it takes to make Anthony happy, I will do it. But, the remaining question is how can Chris accept this without hurting his heart? I just don’t have the strength to do this after spending the night with Rudy and especially after seeing Anthony just now.
There is a knock from the door and I ask the person to come in. I don’t want to move my hand from his as Anthony might wake up. It turns out that the person is Kevin. I am giving him a signal to say things quietly as it was so hard for me to get Anthony to sleep. He feels surprise to see of the glass lying around on the floor. He goes outside and I know that he is calling somebody to clean the mess. He gets back with a cleaning lady and starts to talk slowly. He is also afraid to wake Anthony up.
“What happened?” Kev asks me while a cleaning lady starts to sweep the floor.
“Anthony couldn’t accept the fact about his legs. He might never walk again but we can try some therapy. I always maintain a positive hope for this. He will be alright. He is just going to a mental depression at the moment. I also need to check about his sight. Yesterday, he says that he couldn’t see things clearly. I need to talk to Prof. Wendy again as soon as possible.”
“I see. I hope that he can recover like he used to. However, I am here because I know that you are meeting Chris tonight Ruby. I want to double check with you about your final decision. Have you really made up your mind?”
“Yes. I have made up my mind. I will ask him to let me go. We are really over.”
Kevin looks at me for a while and then says “Why even the love I have given up for my brother is not reaching its happy ending? I gave away my love for nothing.”
“You didn’t give it away for nothing. You gave it away because you love Lily more than you love me. She can give you the level of comfort I could never gave to you. I have known that she is the right one for you in a long time. You need to see things clearly. Don’t obsess someone you can’t have but you must treasure someone you have right now.”
“I don’t think Chris would buy that the reason for you to let him go is just because of Anthony. He never understands the way you guys depend on each other. He might think that you only obligate to take care of him. You know that it won’t make Chris to give you up.”
“Do you know how I can make him to give up then? Help me. I don’t need another pressure right now. Anthony and I will undergo a long fight after this. It’s still a battle.”
Kevin looks at me and answers me seriously.
“You have to add another pain to him, something that he could never accept from a girl, and something that makes him hates you. If you really want to lose him forever, you have to make him to hate you instead. Don’t be weak, don’t be soft. You have to do it in the cruelest way.”
“What is it then?”
“I have thought of something but it will hurt you deeply instead. I don’t know what he will do in the future. He might even kick you out from the company. He might not want to see you again in the future. I can help with that. I can say something at first and leave the two of you alone.”
“Tell me quickly. I need to practice.”
“You know that Chris always hates if someone is taking an advantage on him. We can use that. You can pretend that you only take him for granted such as the house in Sydney, the job at Wong and even the hospital bills. I know that Aunt Betty asked Cindy to pay the both your father and Anthony’s fee starting from a few days ago. Cindy asked me whether she should transfer the money to your account or settle the bills directly to the hospital. I told Cindy to transfer the money to your account instead. One more thing, you need to tell Chris that you have arranged all of this intentionally including your relationship with him. You must say that you never love him; it’s just his fortune that you love never him. I know that this is too much but it’s the only way for him to change his love to hate. You need to act perfectly. You cannot burst into tears. He will see it straight that you’re lying.
I am nodding my head as a sign of agreeing his cruel pain. I am not afraid of losing my job. I am just afraid that he will go back to the life he used to have. The life where he pretended to be happy but his heart was empty inside.