Episode 23 (END): Forever (Ruby)

Part 1: Christian and Cindy

Christian and Cindy’s story ends with more than just a happy ending. On the day of my wedding day, (yes.. my wedding day which was supposed to be my engagement day with Rudy) Christian proposed to Cindy and he said the most beautiful line ever that got everybody to cry. Well, I am a bit angry because he’s kind of stealing my thunder…

He said “I know that you still have many doubts about me, especially about my true feelings for you. You might think that I still have feelings for Ruby. But, on my part Ruby stands only as a person who helped me to change. Everybody has gone through something that has changed them in a way that they could never go back to the person they once were and Ruby was a part of it.”

I can see Cindy’s biggest smile when Chris was kneeling down in front of her and everybody. Chris continues his proposal by saying:

“You know that I rejected you at first because I thought you are just the girl my mother has picked and raised for me. I thought that you are just a doll. But, you have proved me wrong. Cindy, in my dictionary, You can’t build a relationship on promises, you build it with love, determination, and trust but I am willing to fill my dictionary with this new vocabulary. I will learn to make a promise for you. I can’t be the most perfect guy for you but I can promise you this, no matter who enters your life, I will love you more than any one of them. So, choose me.. Marry me because you are the one..”

I even cried and touched deeply when hearing Christian’s speech. The moment Cindy said yes was just one of my happiest moment also.

Part 2: May and June

May and June went back to take care of the company after my wedding day. They are now even busier since Christian and Cindy are taking a very long leave from the company. They said that they want to go back to the place where everything was started. My guess was it happened in Sydney. May continues to become one of my best friend. Recently, she told me that there’s a guy at work who “dares” enough to chase her.. J

Part 3: Karen, Amy and Matthew

Karen has just been promoted as a Sales Manager, the role she has been waiting for years. Amy quits her job and opens up a make over company. If I think about it, she might have her success in this area. Matthew still continues to work as usual. His sister went to University for a dentist medical school. All of them remained my very close friends.

Part 4: My Family and Anthony’s Family

Our family are happy because my brother finally got his first girlfriend. Anthony’s mother continues to visit our house. She has given her blessings for me to marry Kevin on the day of our wedding.

Part 5: Roy, His Sister Henny and His Brother, Ben.

I haven’t heard from him since we met in Sydney until yesterday. Apparently, he’s dating a much younger girl now. I was searching his facebook account and saw their pictures together. The girl was blowing his 17 birthday cake. Ci Henny and Ko Ben have already their own family with sons and daughters. Ko Ben continues to live in Sydney while Ci Henny has gone back to Indonesia.

Part 6: Rudy

How’s Rudy you may ask? I hope that this ends with a happy ending but in reality, his side of the story doesn’t have a happy ending at all. He stood by my side on the day of my wedding. Apparently, he has asked Cindy to get Kevin from the airport, to get him ready to marry me. Fortunately, one of the guest is a priest, so he can marry us in the altar.

Rudy is an amazing man, really. He stood by as my best man. Before he gave my hand to my Dad to walk me down the aisle, he said this

“When a female is used to getting hurt, she won’t know how it feels when a man starts to appreciate her, so she ends up pushing him away. That’s what happened to you when I left you. But I hope that your past will not define you, destroy you, deterred you, or defeat me… I hope that It will only strengthened you. There are no mistakes in life, just lessons. My lesson was I should have hold on to you when I had the chance. I guess I really have missed my chance.”

We are both still crying and he continues to say

“You don’t have any idea how beautiful you are today Cing… Live happily every after and I will also be happy with you… Please remember, that I will be your best man forever.”

The day after the wedding, Rudy comes back to work and apparently beat Mr. Wong in the face. He didn’t only achieve 50% like he asked but achieved 70% with 400% growth expansion since he came to Wong. Many people applauded him including my husband, Kevin and Rudy’s brother, Christian. They all salute him and then, he made a shocking news which surprised anyone. He resigned from the post. He said that he’ll continue to be just a share holder. His reason was “He has no other reason to stay in the company.”

He decided to go back to Germany to pursue his career and leave me a good bye letter

Dear Cing Cing,

I haven’t had a chance to give you a wedding present. Along with the letter is the ring which you have returned when you walked down the aisle with Kevin. Please forgive me for being selfish but I want you to continue to wear it. This ring is a symbol for my love for you and I don’t think anyone will ever deserve to wear it. I hope by wearing it, you can see the ring everyday and now that there is guy who will always love you no matter what.

Cing, forgive me that I have chosen to go back to Germany instead of being close with you. I just want to give me some distance first with you. When I am ready, I will go back to see you and stay as your best friend. You know how to reach me..

Take care and please allow me to say one last time that I love you…



I realize that I am forever in debt. Rudy has given me his everything. I wish that I could repay his love in some other way. Maybe, after some time.. He will learn to forget about me, find somebody else and be happy..

Until that day, I will always pray for his happiness.

Last Part: Kevin and I

It all started from our “unplanned” wedding day. After Rudy was “explaning” everything to me, I already saw Kevin standing at the altar. My Father walked me down the aisle. Almost everyone was crying. This wedding doesn’t look like a normal wedding with all the rehearsed ceremony and all. But, it was everything I’d ever wanted. The guy at the altar whom I love and looks at me as if I am the most beautiful person in the room.

When I reach the altar, Kevin suddenly kneeled down and said

“I know that I haven’t officialy proposed to you. Right now, I am also speechless and I couldn’t say many beautiful words to catch your heart. But, I can let you know the last thing my mom told me before she died. She said that A girl is happiest when she knows that you make her your everything, in front of everyone, every single time. Now, I am telling you. You are my everything and you will always be my everything forever. I understand how lucky I am to be here as your groom and I won’t waste it by hurting you again in the future. Be my best friend, be my sister, be my lover and most importantly… Be my wife…”

I am nodding up my hand and he’s kissing me on my lip long enough and stopped when the Priest said “I think we have skipped a few part here.. Let us continue from the start…”

Everyone was laughing. The ceremony ended beautifully when the Priest said “I now pronounce you husband and wife.. You may kiss the bride..”

I didn’t plan or write any wedding vows. But, when the Priested asked me to say my vow, here’s what I said

“Kev, I never thought of falling in love with you but I do. I never thought that my best friend would become my husband but it happens now. I never thought that we would find each other eventually at the end but here we are hand in hand, making a promise to God that we will love each other deeply. The best relationship is when you can act like lovers and bestfriends at the same time; and I have found it when I am with you. I will always love you…”

After the wedding, as a wedding presence… Christian and Cindy got us two tickets for our honeymoon… And where is the other destination besides Sydney? Kevin and I, were laughing when Chris said

“Kevin has bought his ticket earlier under company’s expense. We couldn’t just waste it.. Therefore, Sydney will be the destination of your honeymoon.”

Now, I am sitting at our new home. It’s smaller and much cheaper that Christian’s penthouse, Rudy’s apartment or even my apartment.. But, it’s our home. I am now 2 months pregnant and Kevin still continues to make me his everything even though in front of anybody. In one hour, he will be coming home from work (not at Wong) and I will be ready to prepare him dinner.

“To you every single girl.. Don’t forget that LOVE does conquer all…. It doesn’t come with instructions, a guide, or a manual, all I know for sure is that we can’t live without it. It is not a noun to be defined, but a verb to be acted upon. Love is about holding on, even when you feel like letting go. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them, because you never know, tomorrow could be too late.

—– THE END —–

Episode 22: The Moment of Truth (Ruby and Friends)

Part 1: My side of the story (Kevin)

I just got a call from May. She asked me to meet up at one of her favorite club, Immigrant. She has booked the VIP section as always.

“Sit down” said May.

For those of you who don’t know her, let me tell you something. May doesn’t have a very good “friend-skill”. She has been lonely and friendless for a long time. She is very similar like her mother. I thought she was going to be Wong’s commander in chief, not Christian. She is very uptight because of the different treatment she has had compare to June. She was the one who had all the other pressure from the beginning. Her mom was tough on her. I have learnt for myself that when dealing with May, the best thing you can do is to listen and never argue. Although she looks bossy sometimes, she has one of the biggest heart in the world.

“Cindy has made an announcement that Ruby and Rudy are finally getting engaged. Have you given her a congratulations?” said May again

I am looking at May. I know that she has some feelings for me, maybe tried to get me give up about Ruby. But this joke is just outrageous!

I am raising my voice when talking to her “Don’t make that kind of joke!!”

May says “Kev, I sincerelly hope that it’s only a joke… Because I know where your heart is.”

She is suddenly reaching a phone and dialing a number.

“I will put this on loud speaker so that you can hear with your own ears.” Said May

May: Hello! Chris! Where are you?

Chris: I am at home. Where are you? We have plenty of things to do. We need help!

May: I am somewhere near home. Chris, is it really true that Ruby is finally deciding to get engaged with Rudy?

Chris: Yes.. You know that already… The two of them announced it yesterday, two days after Rudy went out from the hospital. Where are you anyway? You should be here helping us.

May: Don’t worry where I am right now! I will try be there as soon as I can. Bye!!

May is hanging up the phone and looking at me “Did you hear it properly?”

I don’t know a word who can describe what I am feeling right now. My world just fell apart… May was right. They are getting engaged. How is this even possible? Why did they have to get engage? I thought Ruby has made herself clear. She has told me that she chose me. What made her change her mind? Didn’t see love me? Didn’t she ask me to take her away? Why?… Why……. Did I miss understood her signal?  No.. I didn’t miss understood. She asked me to take her away few days ago. She wanted to go with me.. Did Rudy trick her into this? Did something happen?

“Kev, are you okay?” asked May

The two of us are sitting long enough until there’s a waiter coming in and speaks to us. Apparently, I have been talking to myself inside my heart for hours. I have been thinking mainly about three things. One “Is this true?”, Then “What was the reason” and “Did she truly pick me before?”

“Pak, Bu… We are closing in 15 minutes..”

I am looking at the clock.. It’s 3.45 AM.

May says “In case you didn’t notice. We have been here, not speaking for the last 6 hours,”

I am looking at her and say “I am sorry.. Let’s get you home…”

May shouts “No! Sit down! Let’s talk about it!”

I reply to her “What is there to talk? You were the one who told me that she is getting engaged. I am going to her house now to ask her directly.

“Don’t be a fool! It’s almost 04.00 AM in the morning.” Said May

“It’s okay! I will wait at the door until she opens up for me. Let’s go!”

I am driving May home and then go to Ruby’s apartment right away. I am sitting in front of her apartment door. Finally at 08.30 AM, she opens the door to go to her office.

She seems surprise that I am sitting on the floor outside her apartment.

“Kev, what are you doing here? How long have you been here? I mean… Why didn’t you knock before?” asked Ruby

I am looking at her. My feeling is exploding. I couldn’t bear not to stay near her. I have been missing her like crazy since I heard the engagement news. I am pulling her hand and hug her tightly. I know that I am not supposed to forcely hug her like this but I just couldn’t help it.

“Please tell me that It is is not true… Please tell me that you are not getting engaged with him… Tell me.. Tell me Rub…. ”

Ruby doesn’t say anything. It’s a good sign that she lets me hug her. But, why I couldn’t feel her hands around my waist? I am looking down and seeing that her hands are both inside her pocket.

“Is it true?” asked I once again. I am releasing her body and looking at her. Her eyes are teary. Suddenly, there’s a man’s voice behind me.

“It’s true. We are getting engaged soon. Please get your hands off my fiance. I am now picking her up to try out our engagement dress. Cing, come on. I have been waiting downstairs for so long.”

Ruby is following Rudy without saying anything. I can’t accept this. I need to hear this from her. I am grabbing her other hand. She is now in the middle of Rudy and I.

“Rub, tell me.. Are you getting engage with Rudy? Does this mean that we are over? You told me before that it’s me whom you have chosen before. Tell me that this is not true!!!”

Her eyes are still teary. Finally after a long pause she is looking straightly to my eyes and say

“It’s true. We are getting engaged. Please let go of my hand as I need to go…”

She is shaking her wrist to let go of my grip. I can’t hold her anymore. She’s not mine anymore

She is walking with Rudy to the elevator. My heart is ripping apart and I am calling her name and while the elevator is closing my hearts says

“Rub, I love you.”

She stops walking for a while but continue to go in to the elevator without looking back at me.

I don’t want to go to the office. I don’t want to see everybody congratulate them and say that they look good together. Where should I go? Back to my apartment? No, I have to chase them. I have to stop her. I need to fight more for her. I am pressing the elevator button. The number at the top shows that the elevator is still going down. I am running to the emergency and run down the stairs. Why am I so stupid? Why didn’t I agree with her before when she asked me to take her away with me? I shouldn’t think differently. I thought I could repay Christian by pretending to be Uncle Wong’s ally and be with Ruby. If I knew this is going to happen, I wouldn’t care about Wong Enterprise. Finally, I am at the ground floor. Apparently, both of them are just about to go inside the car.

“Wait!! Rub…. I’ll take you… I will take you go… Let’s leave all of this and go….”

Ruby is looking at me. She is standing at the door. My heart is pounding so fast and hoping that she can only leave with me. She is glancing sadly towards me. At the end, she is giving me a very cold look and then come inside the car with Rudy.

I don’t care what people think when they see me chasing her down the road. The car is moving forward but I keep running to chase it. No, she can’t be someone else’s. Why was I stupid? I can repay Christian’s kindness in some other way.

“Ruby… please stop…. please stop…………………… Wo ai ni… Wo cen de hen hai ni……”

Part 2: What is love? (May)

I have spent many days sitting in Kevin’s apartment. Although my works are pilling up to the point I don’t even know which to do first and which to throw it all away. I have never seen Kevin like this! Not even when he lost his parents, or broke up with Lily or even when he had to sign the abortion paper and lost his first child with the woman he loves.

I have to admit that I have been having a crush for him since forever. He’s my first crush. I can’t say the word love yet since I have never experienced that ever. If I put myself in Kevin’s shoes, Rudy’s shoes, Christian’s shoes or even Ruby’s shoes; their reciprocate of the word “LOVE” is just too painful. It’s certainly not for me.

Anyway, enough from my side. I couldn’t understand for all this time why the boys were over the moon with Ruby. But, I began to have a bit of understanding yesterday when she asked to meet me at one of the coffee house. The conversation was as cold as I usually speak to any people who are unfamiliar with me.

Ruby: How are you May? It’s nice to finally able to talk to you in person. I was using your identity before when I was in Sydney as instructed by your brother and cousin. I am sorry if it brought you any invonvenience.

Me: It’s okay. What is it that you want to talk about?

Ruby: It’s about Kevin and Rudy.

Me: You know that I don’t like to get involve in your love life. It’s not my business anyway.

Ruby: I know. But, You are the only one who can help me at the moment.

Me: Why do you think I would help you?

Ruby: Because we care about the same person. It’s Kevin. Soon, he will need your help.

Me: Ok.. tell me more..

Ruby: I have decided to get engaged with Rudy. I know that this is a shocking news. Besides Cindy, you are the first person to know this.

Me: Ok… then?

Ruby: Kevin will soon be devastated. Can you please stay by his side? I am afraid that he’ll go under depression or even will try to do something reckless.

Me: If you are choosing Rudy, why do you still care about Kevin?

Ruby: I asked Kevin to end all of the Wong company intrigue and took me away with him. He’s the one I love, the one I chose to be with. But, He was also the one who rejected me. I guessed he has some other priorities which are way more important rather than being with me only.

Me: I don’t understand..

Ruby: I asked Kevin to leave your Dad and leave his title so that Christian and Rudy could have their rightful company back. I can’t watch him to be against any of you. I have owed Rudy my life. I have owed your family a lot of things, especially to Christian.

Me: So, you chose to be with Rudy because you want to get back at Kevin?

Ruby: No.. not at all..

Me: Why then?

Ruby: I couldn’t watch Rudy’s health is in jeapordy. I can’t watch Christian, Cindy, June and yourself working too hard to achieve that “impossible” target. I better sacrifice my own happiness than risking Rudy’s health. Do you understand?

Me: Yes.. It sounds noble but… are you sure that this is something you want to do?

Ruby: Yes.. I am sure. I have been selfish all a long. I have been given many supports from everyone. Now, it’s my turn to pay you guys back.

Me: Does Rudy know about this? Did he let you to be with him even though he knows that you didn’t love him?

Ruby: Don’t worry about it.. That part, I will handle it well. I won’t hurt his feeling. Even though I don’t have possess the same feeling for him now, I will be a responsible spouse. I will learn to love him in sickness and in health. I will respect him.

Me: How about Kevin?

Ruby: He had chosen to be against all of you.  He had also chosen not to take me away with him. The only thing I can do now is to make sure that he’ll pass the griefing moment and move on. He can’t pass through that alone. That’s why I am asking for your help. Even though I haven’t known you in person, I know that you truly care for him.

Me: What if I say no?

Ruby: You’ll say yes.

Me: Why?

Ruby: Because you are May Wong.

She is leaving the table, leaving me behind all alone. Suddenly, I can’t believe myself for saying this but at the end, I have to give her a credit.


“yes…” she replied

“It’s a pity I didn’t know you sooner without the Kevin drama. Perhaps, we could indeed become friends…”

She is turning her head and says

“I believe we’ll become more than just good friends. Bye May.. Take care of him, ok?”

I am nodding my head and watch this extraordinary woman to walk away.

Now, I am back at this apartment fulfilling my promise to Ruby. I am staying beside Kevin who is in deep mess currently.

“Why are you still doing here?” asked Kev

“Leave now! Leave me alone! All of you just leave me alone!” said him repeatedly.

Kevin has been drinking for the past few days. He also has repeated to say the same thing over and over again. I can make a list of his top five frequent sentences which are:

Ruby, I love you…

Ruby, please forgive me…

I am sorry… I never thought that you were hurt…

Ruby…. Ruby….

Leave now or go away!

The first four is of course for Ruby and the last one is for me. At last, I can’t take it anymore. I am going inside the bathroom to get some water inside my water bottle. I am splashing the water to Kevin’s head. I hope this can make him to become sober.

“I had no idea why I used to have a crush on you!!! You are so pathetic.. You fought for her in the wrong way! You are becoming useless for just a girl!!!”

Kevin is running inside the bathroom. I am guessing that he’s taking a shower. After he has finished, we sat down and have a long talk.

“I am sorry.. I didn’t mean to be rude to you all this time! I just had a rough time!” said Kevin

“It’s ok! I know..” said May

“There’s something you need to know. I have been wanting to tell you, June, Christian and Cindy about all of this. But, I thought it’s best for you guys to think that I am on Uncle Wong’s side. I never did anything to harm you guys. If I backed down from Uncle Wong’s offering, he’ll find somebody else who might hurt all of you. I never betray you from the start. I would never do such thing. You guys are the only family I have left.”

I am smiling at him and say “I don’t know about Christian and Cindy. But, June and I have known about this from the beginning.”

“How?” asked him

“Maybe… living together with you for years answer it all!”

We are laughing together. Deep inside my heart, I know that Rudy also knows about his act. He’s just that smart! But, he decided to take the advantage of using Ruby’s guilty feeling. Now, I am also using an advantage of Kevin. If Kevin knew the reason behind the engagement, everything might turn up differently. We have all our secrets. Maybe Ruby can get her happy ending with Rudy too.

We are talking and talking about our past life, Christian and Cindy, and also everybody. Sadly, after five hours of our conversation, the point is still crystal clear that Kevin still cannot let go of Ruby.

Part 3: Preparation for the “DAY” (Ruby)

Inside the car, I cannot stop crying. If only everything is backward. I am looking back and realizing that Kevin is running to chase me. What is he doing? He could get hurt!! Rudy is suddenly holding my hand.

He says “Do you want me to tell the driver to stop the car? We can cancel the engagement. Now, it’s not too late.”

I am looking at him. I just don’t want to hurt him again and send him back to the hospital due to over heavy work. I just need to pull myself together and commit with my own decision.

“It’s okay! Nothing will change.. Please tell the driver to drive faster. Let’s go to try our outfit for the engagement.” Replied I.

“Cing, you know what? I never see your smile again since the day at the hospital when you told me that you are willing to marry me. I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

“You are thinking too much! I am happy! I am lucky to have you… Maybe, I am just too tired of the overload work we had earlier. Now is so much simpler Cindy and Christian is taking care of everything. I am just the happy bride to be now.”

Rudy is smiling at me. He is puting his hand around my shoulder and have my head to rest on his shoulder. He says

“I will make you the happiest bride in the world. Happiness is the only word which will dance in our future life as the bride and groom.”

While resting my head, I can’t help to shed another tear, hoping that I can let go of Kevin, hoping that he’s alright.

The next few days have been crazy with the art exhibition, engagement, and jewelry exhibition at the same time. All of the top employees have also monitored these projects closely. Lots of sponsors have been participating to this event. At least my prediction was spot on! Engagement or wedding is the only event which can attract sponsors, media, and gain huge boosting revenue at the same time.

Today, I am having my “Bachelorette” Party with the three musketeers. Although bachelorette party  is a party for pre wedding not pre engagement, they are still insisting for having it with me. Matthew has booked a Karaoke room for the four us to sing, eat, drink and dance until morning.

The party is going great… I have a lot of fun.. We are singing, dancing and laughing until we are all tired and decided to play our favorite games, deck cards. We used to play “Capsah” which the rule is very similar to poker. And then Amy suddenly has in idea of playing truth and dare for the loosers. Funny and ridiculous things have been brought up such as asking Matthew to dance, Karren to spill out the truth about her childhood secret. At last, it’s my turn to lose. It’s Karren’s turn to challenge me with turth or dare.

“I chose truth!” said Karen

“What is it you want to know?” asked I

“Rub, tell me honestly… Are you happy? Did you not love Kevin anymore? Amy told me that it’s Kevin whom you had chosen and loved. Why did you suddenly make a decision to get engage with Rudy?”

I am looking at Karen, Amy and Matthew. Out of the sudden, I am bursting into tears… I am crying like a baby.. I don’t know why but as if I had held this up for a long time. The three of them finally come near me. They are all saying

“It’s okay.. We are here with you… It’s okay…”

The night went by with a lot of cry at my end.


I am getting up and going straight to my window. I didn’t get drunk last night but I just don’t feeling well. I am touching my forehead and realize that my temperature went up a bit. It’s heavily raining in Jakarta. My phone is ringing and it turns up that it’s Cindy. She said that the invitations are ready. She already prepared for the guest list. She’s sending extras to my apartment in case I want to deliver the invitations personally to my close relatives.

“I haven’t sent him any invitation. I thought you want to give that on your own. But, I can do it for you if you need my help” said Cindy.

“It’s okay! I will do it by myself.” said I bravely…

Cindy was talking about Kevin. I know that I have to do this… I can do this.. It’s like ripping a ban-aid.. It’s quick and painful.. I know that he must hated me for what happened few days ago.

I am dialing Kevin’s number. After a while, he finally picks up the phone. I am asking to meet him at te park near my apartment. It wouldn’t be wise to invite him in at the apartment. I am taking out my white umbrella and walk to the park with the invitation at my hand.

From the distance, I can already see Kevin walking towards me with a black umbrella. The two of us are becoming quit and quiter than we used to. A lot of starring at each other with no conversations.

Finally, I am bracing myself to begin our conversation. However, before I am starting to speak up, I cannot stop noticing on his current condition. He looks really awful, as if he hasn’t slept or even showered.

“Kev, how are you?”

“I am good. How are you?”

“I am good…. I want to give you this…” said I carefully. I know that he must feel as painful as what I am feeling right now.

“You don’t have to come.. I just don’t want you to receive this via post. After all, you are one of the closest few people I have in life. Just do whatever makes you comfortable.”

Kevin and I are both crying. He says “Does it need to go this way? Can I get a second chance? I know that Rudy is a good guy but until now, I can’t let myself willing to let you go. I just can’t Rub…”

The raining becomes heavy and heavier. Thunderstorm is all over the place, as if the sky understands our sorrow and send us the rain to participate to cry.

“Love is indeed unfair since the beginning, especially to my life… Why? Why when fell in love with someone, God always pushes him to be away from me… Maybe, I am such a bad person that I don’t deserve a most basic happiness in the world which is to love and to be loved.”

Kevin is crying with me. We are moving even closer towards each other. He says

You always now how I feel from the beginning
Of my faithfulness heart on deeply loving you…
Vain hopes that I’ve long, finally 
become true but why does it have to end so soon
Every single second, I can’t stop myself from loving you…

You have made me fully falling in love with you …
Opening my heart…
Untie my feeling that hides deeply inside my heart…

How can I tie myself again and undo my feelings to love you?

I can’t take this anymore. My head spins even more than before. It maybe because of the drinks yesterday night but I am having a severe headache… I need to go as soon as possible. I might faint later on. I don’t want Kevin or anyone else to worry about me.

“I have to go…” I am handing in the invitation to his hand.

I am walking towards the opposite direction.. walking and walking… until I lost my conciousness…


I open my eyes and realize that I am already in my room. There’s something against my forehead. It’s in fact a wet towel. I tried to to get up and recall the last thing happened to me. I stop thinking when I hear some voices outside my room. I am walking to the door and see that Rudy and Kevin are sitting and having a conversation.

Kevin: I am sorry that I had to carry her here. I know that she’s soon going to be your fiance. Don’t misunderstood her. She only came to see me to give this invitation.

Rudy: Why did she faint?

Kevin: I don’t know. She might be too tired. She had a bit of fever… But don’t worry.. It will end soon. After your engagement, everything will be clearer and she will not have any other burden anymore. Neither do you. I wish the two of you the best. I can’t come to your engagement party. I am sorry… I just can’t witness her getting engaged with you..

Rudy: It’s okay. I also can’t imagine if this happens otherwise. It might be ackward.

Kevin: Take care of her, okay?

Kevin is leaving the living room to go outside to the apartment. Suddenly, Rudy is asking Kevin

“Kev, do you still love her?”

Kev is turning his head and says “Yes.. I do love her very much… I love her to the point that I can’t breathe normally without her..”

Rudy is asking him again “Is she the most important thing in your life?”

Kevin says “Yes… Nothing is more important than her.”

Kevin continues to say “Ruby is a good girl, in fact the best girl I’d ever met in my life. Please don’t hurt her like I did… Don’t make her cry, don’t make her sad… She deserves all the happiness in life… Rud, I finally can say that… you won… ”

Kevin is opening the the door to leave. Rudy doesn’t speak another word again.

For me, I can only cry again inside my room, pretending not to hear anything.

“Kev… I am sorry…. I am sorry that it will have to end this way…..”


I am pretending to be sleeping when Rudy opens my bedroom door. After a few hours, he is lighting up the light and waking me up.

“Are you still feeling tired? I want to take you somewhere?”

I am opening my eyes and say

“Yes.. Do you want to go somewhere to eat? You can go ahead without me.. I am not hungry..”

“No.. I want to take you somewhere.. It’s really important…”

Rudy is driving the car without telling me the destination. He’s playing his favorite CD which all of them was played by me using piano. I gave him this CD when we were dating. By looking at the exit toll, I might be able to guess where he is planning to take me.

“Are we going to the…?”

“Yes.. we are going to ride the Ferris Wheel. Did you remember what happened the last time?”

I am thinking about the night we spent before. I truly remember every single detail.

“You took me to your apartment, asked me to try the wedding dress. You took me to ride the ferris wheel and we danced all night Afterwards, you are taking me to the beach where you had built a castle for me. There, you told me that this how you would propose to me.”

“Ya.. But that night became our farewell night.. You chose Anthony over me and Christian. Remember?”

“Yes.. But, why are we going to ride the ferris wheel now?”

“You will find out later.”

Same as before, the ferris wheel is empty. There are no other people beside us after 09.00 PM. I wonder whether Rudy has arranged this prior to tonight. We are finally reaching the top and he is hugging me from the back.

He says “Cing, open your eyes and let me know what you see.”

“I am seeing the night view of Jakarta. It fulls of lights. They are more beautiful than before.”

“You are wrong..”

I am trying to turn my body and ask him why.. But, he has outspeed me with his explanations.

“What you see is my entire world. I live in the universe full of people. They are beautiful but there’s none of them whom I love and care. I don’t have my mother anymore. Even though Christian, June and May are my family, I never able to love them. I respect them and I would try to be the best brother I can be, but the truth is they are still strangers for me. Everything I own and afraid to loose is within my embrace. But Cing.. honestly.. I am still afraid that I would end up alone.”

I am touching both of his hands. I am whispering

“Rud, no matter what happen, I can promise you that you will never will be alone..”

Suddenly, there are fireworks in the sky. I am wondering how is this even possible.

“Cing…” said Rudy to me..

 “Marry me…”

“I thought we are going to get engaged next week… Why did you ask again?”

“I know the true reason behind our engagement. But, I just couldn’t say no even though I know that you feel miserable inside. Let me make it up to you my whole life. I promise you that I will make you the happiest girl in the world.”

I can’t help but crying… I know that I don’t love him the right way yet.. But, I have to stay to my commitment..

Deep in side my heart, I know that this engagement comes with a big sacrifice from my heart. I finally give my answer to him

“I’ll marry you.. I will make you happy..”


Today is five days before the engagement. The closer it gets, the day just becomes more and more crazier. Cindy is even more busy than I am. Sometimes, I am feeling so bad to put her with so many works. I am knocking Rudy’s office and find that he’s talking on the phone with someone.

He is signaling me to come in and wait. After a while, he hangs up the phone and says

“What’s the matter honey?”

“Nothing.. I just want to ask your permission for me to leave early today.”

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?”

He is getting up from his chair to come near me and touch my forehead.

“I am not sick at all.. It’s just there’s somewhere I need to go for the next two days.”

“Can I go with you? Where are you going?”

“No… I need to go alone.. Please give me some time to be alone.. Is it okay?”

“Cing, it’s not that I don’t want to give you some privacy. But, what happened in the past with you scared me a bit if you are going alone. All of them.. with the accident, memory lost, kidnapping, everything.. I am just scared.. Our engagement is soon. I don’t want to risk anything.”

“Don’t worry.. I will take care of myself. This is something I have to do. I can’t get engage with you without asking his permission.”

“I already asked your father permission. I came by to his place a couple of weeks ago. Don’t worry about it..”

“No.. it’s not my Dad.. I know that he’ll be supportive.”

“Then, who will you ask for permission?”


I am walking out from Rudy’s office before he is reacting to my decision. I know that he’s a bit surprise. I haven’t been to Anthony’s grave since a long time, not even when I was coming home earlier. It’s not because I have forgotton him. It’s just… going there is too painful for me. I am not sure I could bare the pain one more time. But, I can’t just get engaged with someone without coming to see him.

I told the driver to take me to Saint Diego Hills. Before we arrived there, I also asked for him to make a stop at the flower shop. We finally reach the place after 4 hours.

I am walking towards the funeral home. It’s beautiful out here. The weather is nice and the sun is always available to greet you every morning. When I die someday, I probably want to buried here too. I am about 10 meters distant from Anthony’s grave and I already start to cry. All the memories are rushing back. All the childhood memories up until the night we kissed, the night we made love, the day of our wedding and even the day when he died.

“Thon… I am sorry that I haven’t come to see you for a very long time.. I know that you won’t believe when I told you that there was a time I didn’t even remember about us. It happened for more than two years when I lost my memory… Forgive me.. How can I forget about you? How can I not miss my best friend? How can….”

I couldn’t stop crying… I must be the most horrible person in the word. How can I forget about the person who loves me entirely? Who has been protecting me since I was a todler?

I am starting to tell all the stories since the accident day. The whole truth until I leak out the way I really feel about the engagement

“You know… Kevin has made me to truly deeply falling in love with me. I don’t understand why. He has deceived me, he gave up on me when I was pregnant, his ex girl friend got me to lose a child, he lied to me many times…. But, I still love him… I just can’t stop loving him… What should I do? How can I erase these feelings inside?”

I am crying like a baby for maybe the next few hours. I continue to say “What should I do?”. Usually, Anthony tells me what to do but this time, he’s no longer here to speak to me. For the first time in a long time, I am feeling powerless.

Suddenly, there’s a man with a very familiar voice behind me who says

“Do you know that I have broken up my promise to Anthony? My first and and only promise to him.”

I am looking back to confirm whether I don’t over miss him and I start hearing things which are not real.

It’s in fact Kevin. But, why is he here? I don’t understand. How can he know that I would be here.

“Why are you here? How did you?”

He says “No. I don’t know that you would be here. I came here only to apologize to Anthony. I have failed to protect you, to make you happy, to be his replacement as your best man, your best friend. I came here to apologize to him that I had broken his promise even since I left his room at the hospital.”

”What promise?”

He replies to me weakly “I promised him not to fall in love with you in a hard way and I failed to deliver. You know…… I never fall in love with a girl this way Rub.. I fell for you in the hardest way possible.”

I am looking at him and I know that I am feeling the same way too.

“What should I do Kev? What should I do?”

Kevin is looking at me and says “Choose me, run with me. Just like you said, let’s leave of all of things behind and run..”

I am finally beginning to feel angry.

I am shouting “Why didn’t you say this earlier when I asked you to take me? Now, everything is too late. I am going to get engaged with Rudy in the next few days. I can’t just leave him… I have to take all the consequences of my decisions. The decision I made because you didn’t choose to go with me before! The decision I have to made because you were hurting everyone I deeply care…”

“I am sorry okay.. I regret it the most. I never thought that you are going to get engaged with someone else. I didn’t know the pressure you were under. I am sorry… Please cancel it.. I can’t watch you to be with another man.. I just can’t…”

I know that I won’t be able to say no if he keeps begging me to choose him. My heart is too strong.

Now, it’s the time for me to run… I need to run away from him. I know that Kevin keeps chasing me. I can hear his voice clearly while saying “Stop.. don’t run!”

Finally, I can sense that Kevin has succeed to reach my hand. He’s hugging me from the back and says

“Please don’t go.. don’t run.. Today is maybe the day I have left to see you.. I will go back to Sydney on the day of your engagement. You will never see me again in a few days. Please… don’t run again.. Don’t run away from me now..”

My eyes are beginning to teary again. So, this is what Kevin has chose due to my engagement with Rudy. He finally chose to leave me and go back to Sydney. Why my heart is feeling unbelivably painful. Why is it aching so bad? I want to say please don’t go… don’t leave me but I can’t

He says “I really wish that the world is stop revolving now. I wish that time would stop right now.”

I am standing as if it has been freezed by a wizard. Kevin is letting go of the hug and he is now in front of me. He’s touching my right cheek and says

“You are all I have and you are all I care left in this world.”

He is leaning his face towards me closer and closer. I know that I couldn’t have the strength to move but I can’t do this. I am Rudy’s future fiance. I have said yes to his proposal few days ago. Finally, I am braved enough to take a few steps back and says

“I am sorry.. I have been here long enough… Rudy must be looking for me..”

I am running down the hill up until I cannot control my breathing rhythm. I know that I just left Kevin with a broken heart, just as broken as mine.

Kevin is shouting from a distance “Rub… I won’t give up… I will wait for you…. Forever…”

Part 4: The Mirror has two Faces (Cindy)

I am sitting near the pool, waiting for Christian to finish his laps. I am still very sad that everything is not ending up right for everybody I care, especially with Ruby and Kevin. Why can’t they end up together? They have been through so much. Why can’t they have a happy ending? Tomorrow is the engagement day

“What are you thinking right now?” asked Christian

“I am just thinking that everything has fallen into the wrong place again and again. Ruby is getting engaged with Rudy. You know that Kevin is the one she loves. Kevin is being everyone’s enemy because He is helping Uncle Wong. If you really think about it, it’s his right to get a job.”

“Ya.. But he shouldn’t choose a job that has the main job description to be against us.”

“Ya…. If you said that it might sound bad but he won the job fair and square. It’s you Dad whom we hate, not him. Chris, do you regret letting go Ruby and be with me?”

Chris is getting up from the pool, drying his hair and says “Why did you ask me that? Are you jealous because I still care a great deal about her?”

I reply “No.. It’s not that.. It’s just… I don’t know.. Sometimes, I can sense that you are still thinking about her a lot.”

Chris replies “Is that so obvious?”

“Maybe no to anyone else. But, don’t forget! I have been by your side since many many years. I can notice certain things other might overlook.”

He is smiling at me and says “There will be a time to tell you the truth about everything. No, it’s not the time yet!”

I can’t help myself not to be jealous with Ruby but at some point, I can be sure about Christian’s feeling for me. Our love is not an over the moon love but it’s the one who’s steady enough to stay forever.

“What are you thinking?” said a voice behind me. I know it’s May’s voice.

“Nothing… I just….”

“Jealous with Ruby?.. I am familiar with the dillema.”

“Now.. I just…”

“doubting Christian’s feeling towards you?”

May is may. She is always able to read people’s mind. But, the bad thing about it is she always cuts what I want to say. She is so similar with her mother.

“Don’t get upset and you don’t need to get jealous! I don’t think Christian has ever had a serious feeling and gives his commitment to any girl besides you.”

“You are wrong. He was very serious when he was chasing Ruby.” Replied I

“I don’t think so. Maybe Ruby was the first girl to move his feeling, introduce him about crush, like, and love but it’s just a puppy love. It was never serious or should I say it has ended before it got into a mature relationship.”

“Ya.. I think so…”

May continues to say “But, unfortunately.. It’s different with Kevin… His relationship with was more than just a mature relationship. It’s been over a decade. It started of as a friend, and then best friend and then trusted friend, brother and ended up as lovers who have lived together for two years. Even though Ruby has had serious relationship with both Rudy and Anthony, it’s Kevin that she is totally attracted to. With Anthony, there’s just too much dependancy that the two of them together was just the most natural thing do to. With Rudy, he was her first real love and serious relationship but it has been over years ago.”

I am curious why May knows about this so much. She already replies my question

“I am close with Amy and June also has told me most part of her stories. Poor Ruby, if she has the couragd to confess what she felt with Kevin in Sydney, her life wouldn’t be so complicated and painful. “

“Don’t you dislike her?” I ask May curiously

“She is just impossible not to like. She is the most unselfish human being I’d ever met!”

“You are too” said I to May

“Actually, both of us are not. Kevin is the one who should get the award.” Said May

“How? Why?”

“Oh…. Tell me that you are not that stupid! You don’t buy that he’s REALLY helping my dad and betraying Christian, the brother he never has!”

“What do you mean?” I ask again

“Come on…. He’s not that great of an Actor. You had no idea that every steps he took in the company until now is just to cover for Christian? He took the job because he’s afraid that my Dad would hire someone else to harm Christian.”

“Does Ruby now about this? Does Rudy now also? How about Christian?” asked I

“I don’t think Ruby and Christian know. They are the two foolest human being I’d ever met. They think that a person can be easily defined by black and white. But, I am ready to bet everything I have that Rudy has already known about this from the beginning.”

“What do you mean? Do you mean that he took an advantage of this situation?”

May continue to says “That… I am still not sure. He’s not an open book. Sometimes, I just don’t understand his intention at all. One thing I am sure that Ruby is someone he is having the hardest time to let go.”

“So… we have been wrong all this time? Rudy is the bad guy? Not Kevin? And now.. He’s the one who will get engaged with Ruby?”

May is smiling and says “As someone wise once said the winner takes it all.”


I couldn’t stop thinking about what May just said before. What should I do? Tell Christian? No.. He wouldn’t be able to act wisely and it might affect Wong Enterprise if Mr. Wong has found out about this. What should I do? What…… Finally, I decide to call Rudy and have “THE TALK” with him.

We are meeting in one of the coffee shop far from his place.

Rudy: I know that you are going to call me.

Me: How do you know?

Rudy: As soon as you have found out that Kevin has in fact done a favor for Mr. Wong because he’s protecting Christian and his family, I know you will eventually reach me.

Me: So, is it true? You have known all of this and you have used Ruby’s guilt to get her to be yours.

Rudy: Is that so bad? Kevin has left her, lied to her, deceived her identity to have her Why can’t I use Ruby’s guilt to have her?

Me: So, you worked long hours for a purpose? You know that Kevin won’t truly help Mr. Wong.

Rudy: Yes… But, I did that also for my own actualization. I never lose a challenge, not once.

Me: So, you didn’t know that Ruby was willing to get engaged with you?

Rudy: Between yes and no… Not only with work, I also don’t want to lose over woman. I am the best fit for her. You know that…

Me: I thought so.. But, I don’t think so anymore. Ruby loves Kevin!! How can you seperate both of them? Ruby would become unhappy

Rudy: Look for what Kevin’s love has done for her. She was ill, she lost her memory and being deveiced, she even lost her first child. Did you know Ruby’s condition when I found her? She lived in a very small house. She even cleaned everything herself including doing laundry and everything.

Me: What do you think if Ruby found out that Kevin hasn’t betrayed the Wong’s and herself? Do you think that she’ll continue to marry you?

Rudy: Yes.. She will…

Me: How can you be so sure?

Rudy: Because I know her too well… She won’t leave me unless I decide to let her go..

Part 5: The Engagement Day (Rudy)

Today is my engagement day with the woman I love. I am looking at her in the dressing room. Someone is doing her make up. Even without any of it, she is already beautiful.

“Everyone, please leave me alone for a while” said Ruby

“Bu, we haven’t finished your make up yet… We have to get you ready in an hour.”

“Just leave the room for a few minutes. I need some time to be alone.. Go!”

I never see Cing cing being so straight forward or bossy with anyone. I continue to look at her. She is in fact crying..

I didn’t know that she is feeling so miserable about this engagement. I have been thinking about what Cindy said also. I know that I am holding her the wrong way. But, am I strong enough to finally let her go for good?

Suddenly, Cindy is beside me and she says “If you truly love her, you will let her to fly and search the happiness she wants and deserves. If you truly love her, you would have to let her go.”

Cindy is right. Ruby is willing to let go her happiness for me. Why can’t I do the same?

Yes.. It’s time… It’s time to let her go…

Cing cing is walking out from her room. Cindy and I are hiding so that she cannot see us. Apparently, she is asking for the make up team to go back and finish her make up.

Cindy says “Did you see? She still chose to sacrifice her happiness for you.”

“Where’s Kevin now?” I ask Cindy

“He’s probably already in the airport. Why?” asked Cindy

I am whispering to Cindy about my plan and she is leaving right away. Now, I know what to do..

Cing cing has finished her make up and she looks more beautiful than even when she was on her wedding day. I finally come in to her room. My eyes are teary as I know that this would be one of the last moment I have Ruby as mine.

“Leave us please” said I to everyone.

“Cing, you look beautiful… It’s not fair. A man can never have that big of transformation.”

She is looking at me and smiling.

“Thank you…”

I don’t know if I could able to handle this but I choose to say

“Let’s take a walk…”

“What are you doing? The event is less than an hour…”

“We have plenty of time in the world… Let’s take a walk..”


“You are the queen today and a queen is never late. Everyone else is simply too early..”

We are walking to the garden near the reception is heading. We chose that the event would be held in one of the Museum in Jakarta. It’s also alligned with the art exhibition where the paintings will be displayed inside the Museum.

“Cing, what made you to fall in love with me before?” I ask her

“I don’t know.. But, maybe I can be myself when I am around you. You saw me when I was invisible.”

“Did you remember when we emailed each other everyday? We haven’t even met back then.”

“Yes.. I do remember…”

“If I didn’t leave you to Germany and almost got married with Anna, do you think we would have been married and had kids right now?”

“Why did you suddenly ask all of this.. We are getting engaged today.. We will get marry soon too..”

“That’s the thing Cing.. my dear… We won’t…”

She is suddenly turning her body to see me and stops walking.

“What? What do you mean?”

“This time… I need to let go what isn’t mine from the first place.”

She is looking at me deeply and starts to cry. I know that I don’t have to explain throughly to her. After all, she is the only person who can understand me. But, I still want to give her my explanation.

“You know that I have to let you go because I love you.. not because of otherwise… I want you to be happy.. I don’t want to see you cry..”

“I can learn to love you Rud… I can learn to be the best wife for you, the best mother for our children.. I can…”

“Yes.. you can… and I know that you will… But, I don’t want you to be with someone you don’t love Cing.. Kevin is the person you love.. There’s something inside your heart that you haven’t been able to let go. I know that you are going to hide this feeling for Kevin forever but Love is Love. It cannot be hidden.. Not forever.”

She says “I am sorry….”

“No.. I am sorry…. I should have told you that Kevin only pretended to be against Christian in order to protect him. Thus, my position was never really in jeapordy. I am afraid that you will leave my side if I told you the truth from the beginning. I know that I never had a chance to win against Kevin. I saw how much you love him when you were in Surabaya.”

She is crying again and says

“Why did you choose to tell me then? I thought you wanted me to be with you…”

“I do… I always want you to be with me… But….”

“But what??” asked her

“But, it’s your heart who doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Your heart wants to be with the one she loves..”

She is crying and suddenly starts to hug me

“You know that you will always be more than just a friend for me? You are more than my own family. You are always something more…Rud, I have made a promise that you will never be alone.. And I stand by my promise… I will always be there for you.. I am willing to give up anything for your happiness.. I wish that you can understand that you are always my something more…”

I am also crying, kissing her forehead and saying

“Yes.. I know.. You will be my something more too.”

“Can I have my last dance with you?” asked I

“Yes… I still remembering when were dancing on the Ferris Wheel that night…”

She begins to sing along with me

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You’re the answer when I prayed
I would find someone and baby I found you

And all I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more everyday
You saved my heart from being broken apart

You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday

We are both dancing and crying along.. I know that this is going to be our last moment together.

After a while, my phone is ringing. It turns out that it’s Cindy.


Cindy says “He is here… Everything is ready…”

I am hanging up the phone and looking at her one last time.

“Let’s get you inside the building..”

“I thought the party was about to be..”

“Come on.. Let’s not keep everyone else waiting..”

“What do you mean?” asked her

“Your real groom is waiting for you….


Episode 20: Yesterday VS Tomorrow (Ruby and Friends)

Part 1: My memory (Ruby)

I am flying on the sky. It is so bright and warm. Everything is wonderful. I never feel this liberated in my whole life. I am looking down and all I can see is white clouds everywhere. Suddenly, I can feel that someone is holding my left hand but no one’s around me at the moment. Wait, where am I? Why am I flying? Am I already died? I am looking down again and out of the sudden, I don’t have the ability to fly anymore. I am going to fall….

Suddenly, I can hear Rudy’s voice when he says

“Cing, how are you feeling? You are okay… You are saved now…”

I am trying to open my eyes slowly and everything is still blurred. Where am I? I must be dreaming just then. My body is aching and I am still trying to remember what happened before.

I begin to speak weakly while my eyes are still closed.

“I am okay but my head feels hurt.”

I am blinking my eyes few times trying to gain a better sight. Slowly, I begin to recall what happened before. It’s an escape path from death. I am really lucky to be alive. Nevertheless, I don’t hate Lily at all. I can understand why she did and what she did to me. In fact, I feel sorry for her. She really has changed a lot since I met her in Sydney at the hospital. Back then, she looked like the nicest girl ever. She loves Kevin and her mother so much but it’s the kind of love that actually destroys her.

Wait, how could I remember about meeting Lily before yesterday? Wasn’t yesterday the first time we had ever met? Wait… This is not right. I am trying to recall back what has happened in my life. Many flash backs are coming including Roy, the Snowy Mountain accident and how we met in the first place. I also remember about my Anthony. Where is he? Why is he not staying beside me now? My tears are beginning to fall down on my cheek. Now, I know what every one has been talking about. I remember his existence and how important he is in my life. The funeral reminds me that he is he’s no longer here to take care of me. The frustration I had a year ago come back to my heart knowing that he will never come back. Now, I am finally a real person. I am no longer a person with empty box. I am back to the person I used to be.

Rudy touches my cheek and says

“Why are you crying? Does it hurt badly? Tell me… How do you feel now?”

I am looking at the man who just risked his life for me and speaks to him weakly

“I am okay.… Rud, where are we? Are you okay? What happened to you? What happened to Lily? How’s everybody? I mean Christian, Lily and everyone. Did they get hurt?”

“Everything is okay… Don’t you worry about a thing. Cing, you just had a head surgery. Do you feel any discomfort? Tell me if you feel anything.”

I am shaking my head as a sign that I am not feeling discomfort. But, My head is aching and I am feeling dizzy as soon as I am moving my head. Rudy continues to ask me

“Cing, do you really remember what happened? I mean all the details? Did you remember how Lily kidnapped you in the first place?”

“Yes I remember.She kidnapped me when I promised to meet her at the mall. By the way, how is she now? Is she also in the same hospital?”

Rudy replies “They couldn’t save Lily. The bullet went right to her heart.”

I couldn’t stop crying until Rudy touches my hand.

“Why are you still crying? Does it really hurt? I’ll call the nurse to come and examine you properly.”

I am gripping Rudy’s hand for a while and say

I don’t know… As if it’s partially my fault. I know that what she did was very extreme and got me to endanger your life and even Christian’s life. But, she didn’t deserve to die. She deserves to have a fresh start. A life without revenge.”

Rudy is smiling at me for a long time. I know this smile. Everytime I do something he likes, he always gives me this smile.

Anyway, I don’t know how to tell him that I truly remember everything besides the kidnapping. How could I tell him that I have remembered my past life now. I am not sure whether it is a good thing to tell Rudy about this now. He continue to say

“Cing, you need to let go of my hand for a while. I need to call the nurse and let them know that you are awake.”

Finally, I decide to let him know the truth by holding his hand even tighter.

“Please wait… Rud, I need to tell you something. I…………”

“Yes?” asked him

“I remember everything. I don’t only recall what happened before but I do remember about you, me, our past and everybody. I know who I really am now. I am in fact Ruby. I truly remember everything.”

Rudy is not talking or moving for a while. He looks deeply into my eyes and leans his face closer towards my face. He says “Really? Have you really remembered everything? Did you remember how we met and so on?”

I am smiling and looking at him. He seems happy that I have gained my memory back. Thank goodness for this. I am afraid that due to what he did in the past, he might feel awkward that I remember about us. We are in such a good term now. I don’t want our past to ruin this valuable friendship.

I am letting go his hand and trying to say more about this.

“Yes. I remember everything. I remember about you, Anthony, mom, dad, Christian, Kevin, Amy, Mat, and Karen. I remember everybody. By the way, where are Christian and Cindy? Are they okay?”

Rudy says “Don’t worry about Chris and Cindy. They are fine. Chris never left you. He is sleeping on the couch.”

“I see.Where’s mom and dad? Did you tell them? I hope you didn’t. I am afraid that they might be worry.”

Rudy says “No, I didn’t tell them. They have gone through enough worries. I can take care of you until you get better. They don’t have to know about the kidnapping.”

I am nodding my head as a sign of totally 100% agree.

I am looking at my surrounding and this room looks like a hotel room rather than a hospital room. Which hospital is this? Why is it so fancy? I am turning my head slowly to the left  and I can see that Kevin is looking at me. There must be something wrong with my eyes. How can he be here? How can he know about this? I promise Lily to leave everything but a good impression of her.

Kevin must realize that I am in between yes and no of convincing myself that it truly is Kevin. He finally says

“Are you ok? You look confuse to see me. Do you know what to see me?”

So I speak “When did you get here? How? I mean…”

He is looking at Rudy and says “Can you please give us a minute? I need to talk to her in private.”

Rudy is looking at him fiercly and I know that it’s a big NO sign. However, we do need to talk to each other in private.

I am giving Rudy a “request” look at me and say “Please.. It would just be a moment..”

He says “Ok! I’ll be right back! Just yell if you need me to come in.”

After Rudy is closing the door, Kevin approaches me, takes my hand and says

“I am so sorry. You got hurt because of me. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have hurt your feeling in Surabaya. Everything will change now. I am not going to leave your side anymore. Do you have any idea how scared I have been for the past few days? I don’t want to wait anymore. I will take you as my wife and we will grow old happily together. You are my responsibility from now on. Let’s get married sooner. I want to show you my commitment.”

I don’t know how to respond to this. But to be honest, I really don’t know how to react. In fact, I don’t know if our relationship is still counted as couple. Knowing the truth is uglier than believeing what Kevin said all of this time was right. I know that what he did was for the goodness of my recovery. I will never be able to get emotionally stable if he told me about Anthony. But still, a lie is a lie.

Secondly, the Lily accident wasn’t his fault at all and he doesn’t need to become responsibility and tries to commit and even ask me to marry him this way. He has asked me to choose before and my choice got him to leave me.

However, the bottom part of my rejection is because I am afraid that someone might hurt him because of me. It’s like I am a bad luck to everyone. I should be alone for the rest of my life and not have everyone who loves me to be hurt. Just look at Rudy. I can’t imagine if Kevin was the one who stood there to risk his life for me. That cannot happen. I have to fulfill my promise to Lily and that’s to let Kevin thinks of her in an only positive way.

I am letting go of his hand forcely and say

“Kev, don’t do this! This accident wasn’t your fault.What happened earlier was accidental. It’s not even Lily’s fault. She really loves you.”

Kevin says “No! It’s not love! If she truly loves me, she wouldn’t hurt the person I love the most. She would have to let go because we are already together. You could get killed! Why did you still stand up for her?”

I reply “Kevin, love is the best medicine but overdose can kill anyone. That’s what happened to Lily. Lily’s love for you and for her mom is just an over doses of love. Anyway, you couldn’t say some stuffs like that! That’s very unfair. If I already together with Rudy, will you also let go while you are still in love with me? No right? You will fight to get me. That what she did! She fought to get you back. She might have lost the war but she wins the battle. I will make Christian and Rudy to register her name under Wong’s family. I will ask them to take care of her funeral. By the way, why are you not stand by Lily’s side now? Who is going to organize her funeral? You need to take care of this. She would want you there. Just go! I will be just alright overhere.” 

Kevin says and even yells at me “Rub, please stop! Why are you always like this? I can’t stand it! I am not a hypocrite  and certainly I am not an angel like you. I can’t even think about anyone right now. You are badly hurt!  I won’t leave your side. You are my top priority at the moment. Rub, you are the only thing that matters to me right now.”

Kevin leans his face towards my face and I can feel that he’s about to kiss my lip. I am putting my hand against his mouth. I almost couldn’t resist the kiss. I still have a deep feeling for him. But, I am confuse whether what we had was real. I was Livia when we were together but now, I am Ruby. Will he still love me as Ruby? Or who he truly loves all this time is Livia, the girl he created out of me.

Finally, I decide to get some distance from him from him first to figure out the truth. I know that it would hurt our feelings but I decided to give a moment to Lily.

“Kev! How can you be so selfish? Lily did all of this because she loves you. Her love was real. You caused her so much pain. She already had enough because she was abandoned as a child by her father. You left her when she needed you. Now you don’t even want to fullfil her last will? How can you be this cruel?”

Kevin’s tears are starting to fall down on his cheek. He answers weakly

“How can I leave your side knowing that the girl I love the most is lying on the hospital bed? How can I leave your side when my biggest rival is standing outside and ready to take you from me at anytime? Please don’t ask me to leave your side.”

I can truly feel his despair. I say You love someone. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means that you just love them.”

Kevin puts my hand against his cheek. He asks me “What do you mean?”

What I mean is I remember what happened and how Rudy was in danger of loosing his life, his everything because he protected me earlier. I couldn’t just be with you at the moment.”

Kevin is looking at me and asks me “Do you still love me? Answer me honestly….”

I really want to say yes… But, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I need to figure out how Rudy and everyone else are at the moment. My relationship with Kevin is not the top priority. Hopefully we can pick up what we have left later on. I just don’t want to hurt Rudy, the man who just put his life on the hang for me. I wish Kevin could understand that I really need some time alone….

“Kev, can you give me some space first?”

He is grabbing and gripping my hand even tighter and says

“Rub, please tell me how you feel towards me. Do you still love me? Do you know that I was so scared when you told Rudy that you have remembered everything?

I am turning my head away from Kevin and say

“I have remembered everything but I don’t know what it would affect later on. Just go and take care of Lily’s funeral first.”

“Is everything changing now because you have remembered, I mean with us?”

I am looking deeply into his teary eyes and painfully say “Yes”

Kevin asks the key question to all answers “Do you still love me?”

My heart may say differently but my mouth chooses to say

“Just go and take care of Lily’s funeral first. Please wake Christian up and tell him to have a proper rest. I don’t want him to catch a cold later on. Please kindly call Rudy now.”

Kevin puts my hand down and walks straight to wake Christian up. He is turning his head for a few times to look at me before they leave the room. Christian asked me few questions about how am I feeling at the moment. He doesn’t know that I have already regained my memory yet.

Deep down in my heart, I know that Kevin doesn’t want to leave my side at the moment. I know what he’s afraid of. But, besides giving me some time to think, this is the last thing that I can do for Lily. I know that she would want Kevin to be the last person at her side.

After he leaves, I whisper weakly “Kev, I am sorry.. Just give me some time first.. I still love you…”

Rudy is coming to sit by my side along with the Doctors and Nurses. After they examine my condition, Rudy has even asked them to do a full contrast MRI. He also tells the Doctors (Prof. Wendy and someone else) that I have regained my memory and how could this happen. They were talking about the wood accident and how the hit helped to realize the blood cloak inside my brain. Finally, everyone is leaving and I am now alone with Rudy.

I ask Rudy to change my position to sit up. I am holding his hand and say

“Thank you for everything. Thank you for saving me during the kidnapping. You shouldn’t have come. They could have killed you. Tell me honestly, how is your injury at this point? Does it still hurt? Did you know that I couldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to you? I have lost Anthony. I couldn’t bear to lose anyone important again in my life, especially you. Please promise me that they wouldn’t be next time…” 

Rudy hugs me very tight. He then says

“Did you know that my heart almost stopped beating when Lily put a knife to your neck? Why on earth did you try to save me from the wood blocks? You could have died! I am so afraid that I might lose you. Cing, please promise me that you won’t do anything to jeopardize your safety anymore.”

He lets go of his hug and starts to see my eyes deeply. He leans his face closer towards my face and his mouth begins to touch my lip. I am turning my head to the right as a sign of rejection.  He says

“I am sorry. I thought now that you have gained my memory you would have loved me back. I misunderstood…. I just…….”

I am smiling at his face and say

No, it’s not that. It’s just I need to figure out anything. Did you remember that even before I lost my memory, I have loved another man? I just lost a husband and then Kevin came into the picture when I was Livia. Right now, I am just not in a place where my heart is clear.”

I can see that he is sad because of what I have said earlier. I continue to speak

“Rud, you are still the most influential in my life. Most people have said that you have been the love of my life and it is true. What we had before was deeper than any relationship I’d ever had until now. Sometimes, I couldn’t understand why you love me this much where there are plenty of other girls who fancy you. Just give me some time ok?”

We hug again for a while and I am deeply thankful for his love. Yes, he has left me before. Yes, he was the one who hurt my heart so deeply. But, he also had made big come backs.

Part 2: Born Again (Ruby)

I spend the next few days still at the hospital. My families have come for few times including my brother, Eason. Rudy finally couldn’t hide things from my dad anymore as He was very presistence to want to see me. Anthony’s mom also came yesterday. We had a deep meaningful conversation about how the two of us loved Anthony so very much.

I have been thinking also about how Kev lied to me and changed my identity as Livia before. To be honest, if I were on his shoes, I might be doing the same thing to rescue my best friend from pain, depression and grievance. However, he shouldn’t have lied that we were a couple before the accident happen. If things developed naturally, things wouldn’t be this confusing now.

Currently, I really don’t know how to face him. My love for him for the last two years is very real but the initial was accutely wrong. But how can I look at Kevin as the same best friend I had before I lost the memory. We have slept together and planned to get married before. Should I continue to love him as my fiancé? But how about Rudy?

Amy, Matthew and Karen finally come to see me at hospital. For the first time in a long time, I am surrounded by my friends and I can be “me” again.

Matthew: Ruby, finally you remember who you are. Do you know how miserable my life without you? We always tell each other everything before. You were very cold to me during the memory lost

Me: Yes… I know… It turns out that I am suck at making friends. I am lucky to have all of the three of you. The period when I lost my memory, I couldn’t gain even one friend.

Me (continue): I guess I am just too “weird” for them. Seriously, I am truly grateful to have you three. I don’t think I could able to make new friends

Karen: Really? But you are very friendly, helpful and sincere. Why anyone would not want to be your friend?

Amy: I think I know the reason.

Me: Why?

Amy: I think girls would find you very intimidated. Now that you are skinny and beautiful, you are beautiful inside and out. I think girls are afraid to be friends with you because their boyfriends might start to develop a feeling for you.

We are all laughing. I know that it’s not true but Amy hasn’t changed so far. She is still telling sarcastic joke.

Me: Amy, when I lost my memory, did you find me more interesting or not? I mean, do you prefer to be friends with me or with Livia?

Amy: Of course I would prefer the real you Ruby. The funny, kind hearted, generous and always think the best of others. But I can tell that I am the most important friend for you. You still want to be friends with me even though you forgot about everything!

Matthew: No! That’s not true!!!

All of us are laughing out loud due to Matthew’s reaction

Amy: Honestly, I used to hate you so much because you seemed to forget all about Anthony and moved on to Kevin so very quickly.

Karen: Hey! It wasn’t her fault! She was having a memory lost! She didn’t forget Anthony deliberately. It’s not fair for you to say that.

Me: I think you are right. How can I forget about the man who loves me more than anything in the world? How could I forget about my husband?

Matthew: The way I see is different. Anything happens for a good reason. You are moving on from Anthony is a good thing. You cannot drown yourself in grief all the time and thinking about the person who has died several years ago. I think Anthony will agree with me that it’s time for you to find love again.

Karen: Yes. I couldn’t have agreed more! I am hoping that you are going to end up with Rudy. He has risked his life for you. If I were you, I would choose him!

Matthew: But, that’s not important for us. It’s not important who you want to choose at the end. We only want you to be happy. That’s why we got you a makeover before. That’s why we sent you to Sydney. We want you to be cheerful again. But, I never thought that we got you to have a more complicated life with Christian and Kevin come into the picture.

Amy: Yes yes yes. Now that I think of it, your make over makes your love life even more complicated. First, you fell in love with my pervert cousin. For some reason, the two of you now feel that it was just an infatuation. Also, before that you were trying to make a revenge on Roy.

Amy (continue): But it turns out that he was never the cause of your lack of confidence. Now with Kevin comes into the picture right now, suddenly your best friend is turn out to be your lover but you were Livia before. Now that you are Ruby, who do you love? Ohh!! I am so confused! You can make a new movie series based on the true story of your life.. Memory lost, ex boyfriend, a husband, current boyfriend.. Even I am confused….

Matthew: Do you love Kevin? I really want to know how you really feel for him.

Everyone is looking at me. To be honest, I have been questioning myself the same question over and over again.

Me: I am not sure. I mean the way I look at him is very different. I don’t see him as my best friend anymore when we were in Sydney. However, I also can’t see him the same as when I lost memory as my future husband. Yes, I have been deceived but I know that he did it to rescue me. I tried to kill myself and maybe it was the best that Kevin decided to throw me a new identity.

Amy: Don’t forget that before you tried to end your life the last time, he already was the most important person in your life. And he was the one who ran for you. He connected all the dots. He threw his life for you to take care of the painful you for the whole year. Did you remember how did he rescue you before?

Me: Yes. He jumped in to the river even though he can’t swim. I remember saying that I chose to live with him because I won’t let him to die with me. But, it was because I am afraid that he would get drown. Back then, Anthony was all over my heart.

Karen: How about now? Who is in your heart?

Me: I don’t know. For now, Kevin is definitely in my heart but I can’t figure out his position. I know that I cannot be a wishy washy girl but everything has turned out just so very deeply complicated. I don’t know.

Karren: What about Rudy? How do you look at him now?

Me: You guys know that he has always been the love of my life. I don’t think that both of us can look at each other just as regular friends forever. It’s always something more. But, he is my past. The past that I want to let go. Otherwise, all the makeover will become worthless. I never thought that Anna was lying. I thought our story just ended there. But, to be honest, when Lily’s bodyguards beat him badly, my heart was aching. And when I lost my memory, he was the only person who can bring back a slight memory. During the kidnapping, he was willing to sacrifice his life for my own safety.

Matthew:Ok! What you need right now is time. Time will prove everything. It will heal and it will guide you to know where your heart is. My advice is for you to maintain some distance with the two of them. Get some space first.

Me: That’s exactly what I want! But, getting some space from the two of them is just impossible! I probably can’t do it now!

Matthew: Why?

Me: Because I will start to work in the same company with Rudy, Christian, Kevin and all the Wongs

Amy, Karren and Matthew: “WHAAAAAATTTT?”

All the three musketeers have left me to rest. At last, I told them the reason why I choose to work at Wong Enterprise along with Rudy. I told them how Rudy needed my support to maintain his position as the General Manager at Wong Enterprise. He did it to help Christian. If he is not the GM, then Christian’s position as the President Director will also be threaten.

I couldn’t just leave his side now becaue he has told me that he needed help. We also know that both of us owe Christian and Cindy our lives. We chose to help Christian to get his rights back. Now, I would never guess that Christian, Rudy, Amy and June have the same mother. It’s just a freaky coincidinces! Now when I reevaluate about it, they do have the same resemblance. Poor Lily that she never got to feel the love from her real family.

Cindy also has told me that Rudy’s life is in fact in danger because Mr. Wong actually sent people to hunt him down. She has filled me about how Mr. Wong wants to steal Christian’s place as President Director.

If there’s a happy ending about the story of my life is about Christian and Cindy. I am so glad right that Christian and Cindy are happy with each other now. Christian has admitted his feeling few days ago and now, they are officially in a relationship. Cindy also told me that she has helped Kevin to organize a grand funeral for Lily. It’s very formal and her name is registered as Wong. Her biological father also attended her funeral. I hope that Lily can finally smile when she sees this.

I also ask Cindy whether Kevin is staying at Christian’s place and she says no. It’s very weird since the two of them have been roommates for ages. But I guess, Kevin also needs some space alone from everybody.

Now is 06.00 PM and I am waiting for Rudy to make a quick drop by at the hospital. He will have a  meeting later on at 07.30 PM. I can’t wait to tell him that I can go out from the hospital tomorrow. Rudy stays at the hospital for every night. Kevin also visits me every day and usually the visit is in the morning. However, tonight he will stay here with me due to Christian’s request. Eventually, Christian will join Rudy at the dinner meeting.

When Kev gave me a visit, both of us always look at each other without saying anything. Two days ago, he thought that I was still sleeping but I just pretended to close my eyes so that we didn’t need to talk. It’s not that I don’t want to but I am just not ready to face him yet. I can hear when he grabbed my hand and said

“I know that you need to figure out your feelings for me. But I can only pray that you can still love me. I couldn’t have to lose you in my life anymore. All I have done were simply because I love you. Ruby, I love you very much. Please forgive me…”

To be honest… Besides Kevin, I have a lot on my mind lately. How can I give Rudy a happy life? How can I not end up hurting anyone’s heart? I truly wish that everyone could get all of us could get a happy ending. But, how?

A voice cuts my mind from wondering around. Rudy is here.

He says “Hi Cing.. How are you today?”

“I am really good! I could go out from the hospital tomorrow. Finally, I can go home!”

“Really?” asked Rudy.

“Yes, really… By the way, how was the share holder’s meeting?”

“No. We didn’t have it today. They keep changing the schedule from last week, and then today to three days later on Friday. I am not sure what they are up to. Some of the share holders are really hard to reach out.”

I am smiling at Rudy and have nothing to worry about. If I know one thing about Rudy is that he never fails at work. He’s truly gifted at what he does; he is hard working and most importantly, he loves his job.

He is feeding me the soup with the rest of my dinner. He knows that I don’t like the food from the hospital. After I finish my meal, Rudy asks me something a question I don’t know how to reply.

He asked “What do I have to do to make you love me?”

We both stare at each other for a long time and before I can say anything, I realize that Kevin is already at the door.

Part 3: The Next Step (Kevin)

I can’t forgive myself when I found out that Ruby was having a miscarriage because of Lily. Moreover, I can’t forgive myself for not knowing that she was pregnant with my child. How can I be so stupid? The reason behind Lily was going after her because I ended things with her poorly.

I didn’t blame her if she hates me so much. I also didn’t blame her if she wanted to make revenge at the Wong’s family. I can understand her pain. But, why she picked the innocent person to take all the blame? Why does it need to be my Ruby? I really can’t forgive anyone who hurt my Ruby. Cindy has told me about everything about Lily. All the details about how Aunt Betty made her mother’s life poorly. I finally realize the empty hole inside her heart when we went out. Now that everything is over, I just can hope that everything is fine with Ruby’s health.

Ruby has been through too much with the drowning, the car accident and now the kidnapping. I am afraid that she cannot handle that many horrible events. Sometimes, I don’t understand why God arranges someone as pure and kind hearted as Ruby to experience this many painful events in life.

Anyway, that’s not even the point! I can even get Ruby to be in a relationship with me. I can’t understand! We have loved each other deeply, we even had a child together. Why did she say that she needed to get some distance from me? Does that mean that she’s falling back again with Rudy?

Uncle Wong has given me a clear instruction about tomorrow’s meeting and how I can stand firm as a Deputy General Manager which is the step one to take over the company. Step two is to become a General Manager and run Uncle Wong’s campaign to merge his company with Wong Enterprise. And, step three is to make him President Director and run the whole Enterprise. He is inviting me to come to the apartment tonight to discuss about it further. I also need to make sure that He won’t harm Christian and his sisters.

To be honest, I am not so sure how bad it would hurt Christian if he’s forced to step down from the PD position. Will it affect the ownership? The Christian I know wouldn’t mind about a job position. But, has he changed too? I need to make sure that he wouldn’t get hurt. I have done so many mistakes in my past life. But the word “disloyal” has never been into my dictionary.

Right now, the most critical issue for me is still about Ruby. Does she still love me? Does she want to be together with me? Even with our first inborn child still exists, she wouldn’t fully accept me at this instance. What can I do to assure her, what can I do to make her to forgive me.

I am still walking straight at the hospital to see her. I am so glad that Chris called me to look after for a while. Tonight, I want to confess everything. I will let her know that I have loved her for all this years, even before she was pretty. I don’t care if she is Ruby or Livia. I just love her the way she is.

Before entering her door, I can see that Rudy is feeding her. I am planning to knock the door while I hear him say “What can I do to make you love me?”

That son of a bitch!! He already confessed his feeling before me. Why he is always one step a head of me! How can I confess my feeling just after him? It wouldn’t be original anymore. However, despite the bad timing, the most important thing is Ruby’s reaction and answer. Rudy and I are anxious to see Ruby’s reaction but eventually Ruby is just looking at him for a long time without saying anything. I can’t say whether she will accept or reject his love.

Suddenly, Ruby notices that I am already the door. She says

Kev, come in… Why are you standing at the door?

I can see that Rudy’s expression is very dissapointed. He puts down the soup and informs Ruby that he needs to go because he has a dinner meeting at 07.30 PM with a client. He is telling her that he’ll be back in a few hours. He is looking at me and probably blames me for blowing of his plan earlier.

Afterwards I am seeing something I never want to see. He kisses Ruby on the forehead and tells her to get sleep and get some rest. He gives me a “winning” smile and then leaves the room with an attitude. Are they a couple yet? I am feeling so many angers burning inside my heart.

I can’t help myself not asking her this horrible question

“Are the two of you together now? Should I give you guys my congratulations?”

Ruby is looking back at me fiercely and says

Why did you say that?”

“I saw the he kissed you on the forehead. You didn’t reject at all! I also heard about what he said earlier. He asked you what does he have to do to make you love him? In fact, Why don’t you tell him that he doesn’t have to do anything and you will eventually love him back.”

“I don’t understand why you are behaving like this. You are acting stupid.. Why you don’t want to listen to my explanation first?”

“You don’t have to explain about anything! I saw it with my own eyes!”

“If that’s the case, you probably should go..”

“Ya! I think that’s what you want.. You don’t want me anymore in your life, don’t you? Do you want me to call Rudy and ask him to go back this instance? I can do that! He is the General Manager. I am sure he can cancel any meetings for his sick girlfriend. You are also loved by all the Wong’s family. They will be happy if you immediately change your surname to Wong to be with Rudy. ”

I am so angry and jealous and don’t realize that Ruby’s eyes are already in tears. She also has some difficulty of breathing.

“Rub, are you ok? I am so sorry… Be calm….”

I am so stupid. Why I am yelling at her while my competition just gave her comfort and love. I am being so unreasonable! I am walking straight and try to sit on her bed. I am touching her cheek and trying to wipe her tears. Suddenly, she is pushing my hand and says

“Please go now… I don’t want to see or talk to you now..”

I am grabbing her right hand to express my apology.

“Rub.. I am….”

Before I even say I am sorry, her monitor is beeping like crazy. Apparently, her heart rate increases up to 170 and her blood pressure has also gone up high. Many nurses are coming in to the room. One of them is asking me to go out of the room immediately.

I couldn’t feel anything else beside regret. How can I forget that she’s still a patient? Did I just endanger her health? Just few minutes later, all the Doctors and nurses are still inside her room. Finally after half an hour later; Rudy, Christian and Cindy are running down the hall.

Rudy is starring at me and ask

“Why? what happened? Is she ok?”

Before I can answer his question, her room is finally open and one of the Doctor is speaking in front of everyone.

“She is stable now. But, we shouldn’t get her upset. Her heart rate is already above normal due to the pain she has to handle. Having a head surgery is big. Even pain killer cannot wipe out the pain. She is still under the help of breathing assistance. You guys need to be careful on her asthma attack. For the time being, all of you shouldn’t make her cry or let her to feel any discomfort.”

I am trying to go inside her room but the Doctor cuts me off by saying

“For now, she doesn’t want to take any visitors except for her parents.”

We all say thank you and finally Rudy is yelling at me while Christian is holding his body. Maybe Christian’s afraid that we end up fighting.

“What did you do that made her cry? She is in extreme pain! Why did you do to upset her?”

I don’t defend or say anything. Even Christian says “I think you better go for now. Don’t worry. Rudy and I will stay by her side temporarily until she is not upset about you anymore.”

Finally, I am accepting my lost and say my defeat to Rudy.

“I am going home first… Just take care of her… She needs you more instead of me…”

I am walking slowly towards the elevator and comes in without realizing that Cindy is coming with me.

She says “Let’s go and have a coffee first”

We are entering the coffee shop, ordering our drink and chat.

“I want to hear your side of the story. Now, do tell me so I can help you.” Said Cindy

I know that I can trust Cindy. I am telling her what happened earlier with me and Ruby.

Cindy replies

“How can you be so careless? You are not like this before. You are not the type of an irrational jealous guy before. Rudy kissed her because he exactly wanted to push you away and you fell for the trap. Of course Ruby cannot reject the kiss right away because she has many limitations to move her body. The fight just drove you and Ruby to become further. Why did you make her upset while your competitor just won being a hero who just saved her life a few days ago? I don’t understand Kev! Where’s the old you?”

I know that what Cindy just said was completely right.

“Cin, what should I do now? Do you think that she still loves me? I am afraid that she hasn’t forgiven me for lying to her before. I am afraid that she will fall in love back with Rudy. I am afraid that I will lose her. I am afraid that this is it for me and Ruby.”

Cindy replies “I am sure that she still loves you. It’s just with you lying to her, her memory comes back and Rudy came to the rescue, she just doesn’t know what to react without hurting anyone’s feeling, especially Rudy’s feeling. But now, everything is different. The chance is 50/50 for you and Rudy. It’s not more on your side anymore.”

“Why is that?” I ask her reason for a cruel assumption like that.

“I don’t know. It’s just a girl’s feeling. If I were her, I cannot help myself not to fall in love with him. Rudy is just too perfect. He might have hurt her badly in the past but he has outdone what he did. Even I were touched by the way he rescued Ruby from the kidnapping. He truly loves her. Also, now he is giving her comfort you never give. So, it’s very hard to say!”

I am looking at Lily and say

“Will she be happier with Rudy instead of me? Can I win her back?…”

Lily says “Only time will tell. For now, just let it flow first”

Part 4: Mr. Wong (Kevin)

I am on the way to the Davinci Apartment, where Mr. Wong has been staying if He’s in Jakarta. It’s one of the high prestigeous apartment in Jakarta. I know that He called me to talk about tomorrow’s strategy. But, I can’t get my mind of Ruby. How’s she? What is she doing now? Can she able to have a sleep? Is Rudy staying with her? What are they doing?

I am thinking about the year Ruby and I were living together as a couple. I am willing to give back anything for me to have those memory back. That year was simply the best years of my life.

The driver alerts me that we have reached our destination. I am going to the elevator and press the PH button. The elevator directly takes me to Mr. Wong’s living room.

Mr. Wong: Come and have a sit. I will get you some brandy.

Kevin: It’s ok Mr. Wong. I am not drinking tonight. I need to be in my best shape for tomorrow.

Mr. Wong: I have secretly negotiated with some of the Director first tomorrow. They will support me to put you as a Deputy General Manager first. We will strike Rudy with an impossible achievement and if He cannot do it, he needs to step down by the end of the month.

Kevin: Does it need to be that extreme? What does May or June think of this?

Mr. Wong: They don’t know anything and it’s best to keep it that way. They are already against me since I rarely spend my time with them.

Kevin: Mr. Wong, I think you can trust your children.

Mr. Wong: Do you think if Lily is still alive, I should trust her too? She has fooled all of you and risked your woman in danger. Would you say the same thing? I always know women cannot be trusted.

Kevin: I have known May and June for a long time. They wouldn’t hurt anybody. Lily is different. She was raised by her mother and has the word “REVENGE” since the day she was born.

Mr. Wong: Don’t you dare talk about Elizabeth that way. Her mother would never taught her to make any revenge on me. She’s a nice girl! If there’s a woman worth to trust, she is the probably the one. Just listen to me, we will strike tomorrow after Rudy is done with his presentation. You will wait for my clue, ok?

Kevin: Mr. Wong, you promise that at the end, you won’t harm Christian, May and June. Can I hold on to that promise?

Mr. Wong is thinking hard, raising his brandy glass, drinking them and says “Of course”

I hope that I can believe what he just said but my heart says different.

Episode 19: Back to the Future (Ruby and Friends)

Part 1: My loneliness is killing me (Kevin)

Days by days have gone by and I couldn’t forget about what happened when Ruby decided to leave me. This is what I have been feared the most since two years ago. I am afraid that no matter how hard I tried, she still could walk out from my life clean and clear without leaving me anything.

I am looking at her picture which has stayed in my wallet since I secretly took it in Sydney. She was still 16 back then. She was not as thin as now and certainly was not as beautiful as right now. However, this photo has always been the one I carry around in my wallet.

Most of the times during the night, my chest feels heavy. I am feeling as if there’s a large stone suppressing my chest. The pain just couldn’t go any higher than this. Living without Ruby in my life is like forbidding me not to eat rice for the rest of my life. It’s my basic needs. Without her in my life makes my life empty more than ever. Nevertheless, I am still feeling grateful about the pain. It reminds me that she exists in my life.

I am drinking again, probably the 10th glass of wine back in Christian’s gorgeous penthouse, all alone. I am thinking to move and search for an apartment to rent as soon as possible. But, in order to do that, I need to get a job first. Now, I don’t even have the clear mind to do it.

My mind is travelling back to the break up scene when I told her that she should make a choice, a choice between me and Rudy. How can I be so stupid? Why can’t I be more supportive and accompany her to see her family? I should have understood her better. I always blame Christian for being irrational when he was jealous. Now, look at me. My jealousy puts me to become even more childish than Chris. I was the one who pushed her to be closer with Rudy. What an idiot!  

I have been calling May every single day and all the news I have received from her is that Ruby is getting closer and closer with Rudy. She advised me that I should just give up on her. Ruby and Rudy even have lived together in her Jakarta apartment. I can’t call Christian or even Cindy anymore to verify the fact since I don’t have the face to ask anything. I know that I couldn’t win this “competition” at all. Rudy is just too tough to beat. Now, Rudy’s surname has even changed to Wong. He has made himself unbeatable.

I can hear footstep walking towards me. It must be a housekeeper. June should be really angry if she sees her neat apartment with wine bottles and trashes lying around on the floor.

Suddenly, there is a heavy grown man voice who says

“Kevin, wake up!”

I am a bit drunk but trying so hard to open my eyes to see who he is. If I am not mistaken, it sounds like Uncle Wong’s voice. When I look at him closely and trying to be more sober, yes…  He is in fact Christian’s father or should I say that He is only June and May’s biological father.

“Wake up and take a shower first. I have something important to tell you!” says Uncle Wong.

I am walking towards my room and go straight to the bathroom to turn on the cold water. I need to be sober immediately.

No matter what Uncle Wong has come to talk to me, it must be really important. He is like a ghost. We never see him unless he wants to. I finally finish showering and finally able to see things more clearly now. I am drying my hair using the towel and walking outside.

Uncle Wong has already waited for me. His facial expression is a bit weird as if he has been waiting to speak to me in a long time. He says

“I know exactly what you’ve been through… I lost my real love before my parents forced me to marry Betty. For this empire, I have to live together with the woman I hate the most! We only marry each other to get what we both want. However, at the end she betrayed me. Because of that horrid son of her, I now loose gaining control of my own company. Everything that I had sacrificed was for nothing. Kevin, help me to steal back what’s mine in the first place. You have my word that I should be able to help you get Ruby back in your life. I know how much she means to you.”  

I am looking again at Uncle Wong and suddenly realize what this is all about. He wants me to betray Christian by helping him to get back Wong Enterprise back.

“Uncle, I have owed Christian my life. I wouldn’t do anything to harm him or his sisters.”

He replies “Who said that you need to hurt him? Even though he is not my biological son, I wouldn’t do anything against him. I have watched him to grow since he was a baby. I was talking about Rudy, not Chris. Do you think I would harm May and June? They are my own daughters, my flesh. Everything I own now would eventually be theirs anyway.”

“Uncle, I don’t quite know where this is going. What do you want me to do now?”

Uncle Wong answers “I want you to go back to Jakarta. I will give a full power in your hand to take care of my stock. I already have 15% and recently bought another 5% recently from some small stock holders. The first goal is simple. I want you to replace Rudy’s position as General Manager. We will have a share holders meeting on next Tuesday and I want you to fully corporate with me.”

I still don’t understand how this can help me to get Ruby back in my life. I am also not sure that Christian would agree. Uncle Wong finally explains again

“Kevin, don’t be a fool! Women are still women! They will eventually pick someone who is richer, and has a good position in the company. Do you think that Ruby will still be with Rudy if he has nothing now? Don’t be ridiculous!”

I am looking sharp at Uncle Wong and say

“But Ruby stays with me even though we were very poor back then. She never complaint… You don’t know her at all. That’s not how she chooses a man. If she only lover fortune, she would have stayed with Christian years ago.”

He replies slowly. It seems that Ruby has also made an impression in his cold heart.

“I have known about this unordinary woman but you have my words that sacking Rudy is only one step closer for you to get her. Step two is to get all of the people to hate Rudy including Ruby. I should inform you further details. Here’s your ticket and accommodation arrangement in Jakarta. You will have your own driver and car. These are few credit cards which you may use as you wish. IDR 200.000.000 will be deposited in your saving book to support your expenses in Indonesia.”

I look back at Uncle Wong and say

“Uncle Wong, I cannot do this to Christian. I just couldn’t…”

He looks back and me and replies

“Kev, look! I know Christian. I don’t think he really loves Ruby. What he feels for her is just an infatuation. But your feeling for her is different. What is it that make you to feel hesitate about? Rudy? He isn’t your friend! He’s your competitor. Do you still want Ruby in your life?”

I am still sitting on my couch when Uncle Wong leaves the apartment without saying good bye leaving me to answer the question all alone. Today is already Sunday and probably it’s already late in the afternoon. It’s been a long time since I have never look at the time anymore.

I am looking at the ticket and it reads the plane will depart at 17:50 or 05.50 PM. It’s too late anyway. I haven’t packed and I don’t think that I want to get Ruby’s back this way. Rudy is not my friend but it’s not a fair fight if I backstab Rudy by sacking him from his position. I won’t make another mistake which gets Ruby to hate me in the future. She’s already mad at me because I had lied to her about her past.

Suddenly, the house phone is ringing. I wonder if Uncle Wong forgot something.

“Hallo” I speak to the phone

“Hallo? Kev? This is Cindy.”

“Yes Cindy. What’s wrong?”

Cindy is screaming loudly “You have to go to Jakarta immediately! Ruby has been kidnapped by Lily. Please call me as soon as you arrive in Jakarta.”

She hangs up the phone immediately and I couldn’t think clearly what just happened. Did I hear it correctly? Lily kidnapped Ruby? Why? She wouldn’t do such thing. Lily is a nice person with a kind heart. She wouldn’t do it. Suddenly, I know who to call. I have to call Rudy now.

The phone rings for several times but there is no answer on his side. I am trying to call Christian but the same thing happens. Finally, I am calling Cindy again. She picks up the phone after several attempts.

“Hallo? Kevin?” says Cindy

“Yes. I tried to call both Christian and Rudy. They didn’t answer my call. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“Kevin, I have no time to explain. I am at the police station with Christian while Rudy is chasing the car which kidnapped her earlier. Get here as soon as possible.”

I ask Cindy again to verify the fact “Are you sure that she was kidnapped by Lily? You mean Lily my ex girlfriend?”

Cindy screams at the phone “Yes! How many times do I need to repeat? She tricked Ruby to meet her at the parking lot in a hotel. I don’t have time to talk right now. Bye!”

I know that the situation is really crucial at the moment. I am looking at my watch and it reads 12.30 PM. I have to pack my things as soon as possible and go to the airport. If possible, I will buy a new ticket which might leave earlier than my original flight. I know that Garuda has a flight which takes off at 02.30 PM. I hope that I could make it soon enough!

Why this has to happen to Ruby? She needs to be alright. I can’t bear if anything bad happens to her.

Part 2: Because you loved me… (Ruby)

I wake up in the morning at 07.00 AM. It’s a beautiful Sunday. I am going to the bathroom as soon as I wake up. I don’t know why but I am feeling very nausea. I must have eating the wrong food yesterday. I am trying to throw up but nothing is coming out from my mouth.

After several minutes, I am taking a shower immediately and starting to cook breakfast for Rudy. I am looking again at my watch to track the time. My meeting is at 11.00 AM with Lily. Rudy finally gets up at 08.30 and sits at the dining table right away. My maid is looking at us weirdly. I think I need to talk to her later explaining that I can’t even remember her. Hopefully, she won’t find it weird. I am eating my breakfast and start to have a conversation with Rudy.

“Rud, Amy asks me to go shopping today at 10.00 AM. She will pick me up in the lobby. It’s a girl day out. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

Rudy is looking at me weirdly and says

“No.. There isn’t anything I need. You just enjoy your day. I need to make an important presentation. It needs to be perfect for the share holders meeting on Wednesday. By the way, you will come to the meeting with me.”

I am smiling back at him and say “Okay!”

I am getting dressed and prepare to go to meet Lily. I am texting her again to ask the exact location of the parking lot. She said that it’s on level 7 (P7 at orange section). I am going down to the lobby and ask the front man to get me a taxi.

I am reaching the hotel lobby and ask the reception how to go to the parking lot. She points me the direction and I slowly take the elevator to go to level 7. When the elevator opens, the parking lot is very dark. It’s unlike any parking lot at the shopping malls I know back in Surabaya. I am looking at the pole and it’s blue. I am walking around to look for orange color. I am also texting Lily to let her know that I am already at the parking lot.

There is a large van which is going towards my direction. The speed is relatively faster than a normal speed at the parking lot. I am standing along aside to avoid being hit by a car. Suddenly, the van door opens and they are two men who are trying to grab me. I am struggling to get myself out but both of them are too strong. They block my air breath by pressing a handkerchief against my mouth and nose. It has a very weird smell too. Everything went dark afterwards.

I try to open my eyes but everything looks awfully blurry. Suddenly, my body is splashed with cold water. I wonder who did it and where am I? The last thing I remembered was meeting Lily back at the hotel. I am trying to open my eyes and look around. I just realize that my hands and feet are tiding up by hard strings. Finally, there’s a female voice which says

“I don’t think you still remember about me. We have met before back in Sydney. I knew right away that you would be my competition. I am Lily” says the beautiful lady in front of me. She is about my age and has short hair.

I am looking around to understand where we are right now. My hands and feet are still tied. I finally understand that she has been setting me up all along to kidnap me. I don’t know what her intention to do this is but I can see that she hates me a lot. Maybe Amy was right. She wants to make a revenge for what Kevin did to her. Lily continues to speak while touching my face harshly

“You must be curious now… Come on! Ask away… What do you want to know?” says Lily

I finally open my mouth and ask her

“Why and what do you want?”

She is laughing nonstop for several minutes. Her six other body guards are laughing along with her.

“They say that you are so smart but you are indeed very stupid! Can the memory lost affect anybody’s IQ? I really have to double check this with a Doctor!” mocks Lily

I am looking fiercely at her without saying another word.

She says “Do you know that you made my life miserable? Do you know that…. I hate you?”

I am nodding my head and she continues to speak

“Don’t nod your head too quickly! You don’t know the whole truth! You had no idea what I had done to be where I was until you came a long! You don’t know how much effort I have built in order Kevin to love me back. I have to change the way I was for him. I didn’t like music, I was not a feminist, and I certainly was not a good and kind hearted girl like you! You really had no idea. I had to pretend everything. Even I thought guilt and responsibility could keep him beside me.”

Suddenly, everything comes into a picture. Now, I know what this is all about. I have heard many stories from Kev, Amy, Lily and even Christian about their past. I need to reconfirm my suggestion.

I probe to her “You weren’t ill back then. You only used it in order for Kev to love you more. But, no… that’s not possible. How did you manage to get Roy to corporate with you?”

She smiles “Yes.. You are a smart girl after all.. I only need to mention one line and you already could guest what happens next. Roy didn’t corporate with me. He really thought I was sick.”

“What about your parents?” I ask Lily. I would never imagine that they are parents who support their children to do this.

“Parents? My real mother has died long time ago out of grief! My father doesn’t even know that I exist in the world. The parents who Kevin met in Sydney were a fraud! I paid them to act a long with me. Can’t you see my resemblance with someone you have met before?”

I am looking at her closely and can’t think about any other person who looks like her. She is turning her face to talk to one of the bodyguard to check the sound from outside. Suddenly, I can see what she has been talking about. I verify with her

“You are Chritian’s sister. Your face looks a bit like June.”

She is slapping my face as a sign of harassment. She says

“Right…. Right….. You have a sharp eye! But you would never guess that I am only June and May’s half sister. I am not even related to Christian. You see… Mr. Wong had an affair with my mother. When my mother got pregnant with me, she came to Betty Wong and begged her to accept me. She begged her that in my birth certificate. Mr. Wong could be written as my dad. Do you know what happened to my mother? She got rejected poorly and Betty even kicked her out during the rain, giving her some money to do an abortion. My mother chose to give birth of me anyway. We migrated to New Zealand for several years because she’s afraid that Betty would kill me if I was alive. My mother told me the real story when I was 16. She died on the hospital bed, still waiting for my biological father to come. He didn’t come even though she has called his secretary. From that moment, I knew that all the Wong’s family has no heart!”

I am looking back at Lily and says

“So, all this is about just to make a revenge on the Wong’s family? You used Kevin to get to Christian and his sisters. You want to make a perfect plan for them to lose everything. Is that it?”

She turns her head and says “Yes!”

I am laughing so hard to let her know that she won’t succeed to do it by kidnapping me. She is slapping my face again and asks “Why are you laughing?”

“You got it all wrong! You thought that you can kidnap me to hurt Christian. You are wrong. He doesn’t love me anymore. He has someone else. We are just friends. He wouldn’t risk his life to rescue me. What you are doing now will only get Kevin to hate you even more! You fell for him, didn’t you? It was never your plan but you truly fell for him!”

“Splash her with cold water again!!!!” she says to her bodyguard.

“Don’t you try to outsmart me!! Yes, I fell for him and Kevin is now far away in Sydney. He wouldn’t know that I am the one who kidnaps you. He will eventually love me back. He thought you were already with Rudy. I had May on my side. May was always on my side. She didn’t know the truth about my identification of course. I made her thought that you are only a bitch who likes to play around with guys. Don’t forget! She once had a crush on Kevin as well. So, it’s easy to plot her.”

“So, your plan is worthless now! You can just kill me! You can’t touch any Wong’s relative! None of them is willing to give their lives for me. Your revenge is meaningless.”

“Ups ups… Don’t be so sure dear… Do you think I don’t know that Rudy is Betty’s favorite son?”

Now, for the first time since the kidnapping, I am truly scared. My eyes are starting to fill with tears. They are tears of fear that she might try to hurt Rudy. She continues to speak

“Can’t get your tongue out right now, can you? You always can speak back to everything I have said earlier. Why are you quite now? Don’t worry honey! My revenge plan will work out perfectly just the way I want to. Now, I am going to call both Christian and Rudy. From Christian, I will ask a sum of money and also company stocks which will eventually can get me a good position in the company. By the time he knows that I am actually Lily Wong, it would have been too late. From Rudy, I can ask him to come here and torture him slowly as a revenge of my mother. Betty must be really sad looking from hell that her favorite son is being slaughtered here. Just watch me! Hahaha….”

I am struggling to untie my hands and shout “Nooo…. Noooo… Please don’t do that! Lily, there will be no turning back. You will eventually be in jail for life. Don’t do it!!”

She is laughing even harder and says

“Hahaha! Do you think I care about being in jail? They won’t even know that I am the kidnapper. My guy will call both of them. Mean while, I want to cut your faces and send the picture to the Wong’s Princes. I am sure that their heart will ache once they see your pretty face covered in blood. Just wait my dear. Your prince charming will come to the rescue the poor princess!”

Suddenly, there’s a bang sound from the door. Someone is walking towards us. Lily shouts

“Who is it?”

“It’s me! You don’t have to make any calls. I am here and I can give you the company shares and money as much as you like.”

I can recognize his voice everywhere. It’s Rudy. Why is he so stupid! He will be tortured! I shout

“No.. Don’t come here… Rud, run… just run… Don’t come here…”

Lily says “Oh…. What a joy… Erick, Handy; please check the surroundings and make sure that he doesn’t bring anybody although I am sure that he is coming alone for the sake of Ruby’s safety.”

“Please.. Rudy.. go… run… don’t come here.. She’s crazy..”

Lily is slapping my face again and she grabs my face. She says

“What a noise. I think that we should put a big duct tape around her mouth so that I can chat with my long lost brother over here. Rudy, welcome… welcome…”

The bodyguards are starting to grab his body. They made his hands to be tied against his back. Lily speaks again to her bodyguards

“Ups! What are you guys doing? Please don’t be rude to our little guest over here! After all, he is still a family.” says Lily

She continues to speak nicely “Ok… Now, let’s get down to business. This is my laptop! Open it and make the transfer! Ten millions US dollar wouldn’t be hard to get from you, yes?”

Rudy replies her “Ten million dollar? By cash? I don’t have that much money ready to be transferred. Who do you thing I mean? Donald Trump Jr?”

I am still trying to move and make some sound by screaming as hard as I can. I really want Rudy to go. This isn’t his fight. I couldn’t forgive myself if anything happens to him.

“Oh.. don’t be so sure. I have done my homework you know… You have half of them on the bank. I have checked all of it. What about you make a call to the bank and transfer the entire fund to my account now? The numbers are on the screen.”

Rudy is standing still and not making any moves. Lily continues to say

“I think you need a bit of motivation. Erick, open Ruby’s duct tape and kiss her beautiful lip. Enjoy her beauty, seduce her…”

There’s a big guy comes towards me and starts to make his face closer to me. I am closing my eyes. Now, I can feel his breath. He starts to kiss my cheek and after a second Rudy shouts

“Ok! Just leave Ruby alone. Don’t touch her. I will call the bank and make the transfer.”

“No… Don’t do it.. It’s your life’s savings. Rud, don’t do it” I shout repeatedly to Rudy

He is looking at me and says “I love you Cing… I will do anything for you.”

My tears start to drop again. I reply back to Rudy

“Rud, don’t love me. I am not worth it to be loved. I am a bad luck to everyone. Lily is right! I am just a bitch who likes to make a move on many guys! I am not worth for you to do this.. Just go..”

Rudy’s eyes are also teary. He says “Trust me when I say I love you because I will always mean it.”      

He is making a phone call to the bank. After he hung up the phone, he says

“Done! Now, please let her go!”

“Ups!.. not so fast my brother” says Lily.

Rudy screams “Are you playing me? What else do you want? Just let her go!”

Lily replies “You only have sacrificed so little things compared to what my mother had been through before. Be patient! Now, I want you to call Cindy to prepare an Attorney. I want you to transfer your company’s stock under my name. Do it now.”

She is putting a knife unto my neck. I know that I have to make a move as soon as possible. I don’t want Rudy to lose everything he has. I have no other choice but to end my life. This is the only way to save the one who truly cares for me. If I die, no one needs to suffer anymore. I am putting my neck against the knife and I can hear that Rudy is screaming loudly.

I am almost losing my consciousness when Lily is screaming into my ears

“Don’t you dare to try to end your life first! If you try to do anything to wreck my plan, I will kill Rudy and your family by tomorrow. You have my words Ruby!”

Lily says to her bodyguard “Let him go!”  

Rudy is running towards me as soon as the bodyguards are letting go of his hands. He hugs me tightly from the back.

“Cing, stay with me.. Cing.. Please… Cing… Someone gets me a clean towel please! Quick! She is losing too much blood.” shouts Rudy.

Maybe no one is moving. Maybe they are only obey what Lily has to say.  

“Please.. anyone.. help me… Cing… stay with me.. stay with me… Cing…” says Rudy repeatedly

Rudy is looking at me and says “After everything we’ve been through, I can’t imagine a life without you. You need to hold on. Please! Nothing is scarier if you tried to kill yourself. I can fight everything but I can’t fight your will to end your life. I couldn’t be scarier. Please.. Live for me.. We can go through this together. Please don’t leave me all alone. I have no one else to love.”

I can feel that something is pressing hard against my neck. It’s so painful but I still can manage the pain. Lily finally shouts

“Ok! Enough for the love fest! Now, call Cindy! Ask him to prepare you an Attorney. I won’t ask you twice. Do it or I will kill Ruby.”

Rudy says “You know that I have to ask Christian’s approval to use the company’s Attorney. Transferring more than 5% of company stocks must be legalized by our own company’s Attorney. Give me the damn phone and I will talk to Christian personally. Just don’t harm Ruby!”

Rudy is making a call and says

“Cindy, please put me through to Christian. Run along Cindy… Now! Remember… Run now!”

Afterwards, I can hear vaguely that Rudy is talking to Christian about selling his shares and ask him to transfer USD 5.000.000 to his account. I don’t think I can hold on much longer. Everything starts to go dark and suddenly Lily pressing my neck hardly.

I am screaming because of the pain. However, it keeps me awake. Rudy says

“Don’t hurt her. Please… I will do as you say.. Just don’t hurt her..”

Lily finally says

“Don’t worry! I am only pressing her neck to keep her awake. Otherwise, she would become unconscious. I want her to see with her own eyes what will happen next with you. I want her to see them personally and feel the pain. Handy, kindly serve him well!”

The biggest guy in the room tries to punch Rudy but Rudy knows how to fight. He ducks his head and even punches him back in the face.

Lily speaks again “Ow.. I forgot that little detail! You are a black belt. But let me tell you this, if you start to punch back once, I will press her neck even harder. If you start to punch back twice, I will scar her other parts. I believe that your heart will ache to see your beautiful princess turn into an ugly woman. Will you still love her then? We shall see.”

I open my mouth and speak weakly

“No… Rudy…. No…. Please Lily, don’t hurt him.. He’s not the reason your mother was suffered. Please… Please just let him go..”

She is pressing her hand against my neck and says

“Do you think I am Santa Claus? Let him go! No… But I can promise you this… I won’t let you die very before him.”

The guy named Handy keeps punching Rudy. There’s no greater pain than for me to watch from a distant without doing anything. After a while, another 3 guys start to punch him too. I am begging Lily to stop but she seems to enjoy Rudy’s pain. I really need to think fast. What should I do now to prevent them for hurting Rudy? God.. Please help me..

“Stop!… Stop it!!” I shout my voice loudly to Lily.

 Lily raises her hand and all of them stop to beat Rudy. Finally, I talk to Lily

“I can help you to get back together with Kevin. I will leave him forever. Just stop hurting Rudy.”

“Oh.. how dear?” says Lily.

I can make a call to Kev. I will tell him that I am now together with Rudy. I will make him to eventually hate me.”

Lily is laughing very loud and says

“Do you think I am a fool? Kevin already knew from May’s fault information that you already got back with Rudy. Why do I need you to confirm back to Kevin? Hearing your voice would make Kevin to miss you even more. What would I do that? Why??”

I really don’t know what to do anymore. Finally I am kneeling in front of Lily and says

“Please.. Ask me to do anything but stop beating Rudy. I will do anything you say”

Lily replies back and me and says

“Ckckckck….. I wonder who the person you really love the most is. Is it Kevin or is it Rudy? You seem to care a lot about Rudy. I might think of another way to torture Betty’s favorite’s son. I have tortured him physically and this time I want to torture him mentally. You said it yourself. Anything I say right? You won’t regret it?”

I am looking at Lily sharply and say “Right… Anything…”

“Okay! Open your clothes!” instructs her

What?” I ask her again

“Yes! You heard me! Open up your clothes. Let’s see all the details in your body which had made guys to go crazy. Let us watch. I am sure all my bodyguards would be tempted to touch you.”

I hesitate for a while until Lily gives a code to Handy to punch Rudy again.

“Stop! Ok! I will open them. Just stop hurting him.”

Rudy whispers weakly “Cing, don’t do it…. Cing.. don’t do it…”

I speak to Rudy “Rud, close your eyes. I don’t want you to see this. You know… A girl is happiest when she knows that you make her your everything in front of everyone, every single time. Now, it is my time to pay back your love to me.”

I am starting to unbutton my shirt one by one with tears coming down from my eyes. I know that I wouldn’t forget about this humiliation but I need to do it for Rudy. I can’t see him being hurt because of me again. I am still wearing a tang top inside my shirt. After I put down the shirt on the floor, Lily screams again at me and says

“Now, open up your white tang top! Come on… Don’t be shy!”

Everybody is laughing. I can’t forget all of the bodyguard’s face. Their expressions are frightening me to death.

Suddenly, Lily stops me, laughs and says

“I am changing my mind now. I don’t want you to open the tang top. I want Erick to help you. Erick, please be gently with our princess. You may grope her as you like.”

There’s a guy who walks towards me and tries to undress me. I try to fight him by kicking him and punching him. Rudy is shouting at a distance. He screams

“Lily! I would remember about today! I won’t let you live after this! Erick! If you dare touch her, I won’t let you live once this is over. You have my word that you will die in the most painful death!”

Erick starts to kiss me around my face. He disguises me a lot.

Out of the sudden, there’s a loud bang with many policemen come in to the rescue.

“Raise your hand! All of you!”

Everybody except for Lily and Erick are already locked up by the police. They are pointing a gun directly to each bodyguard. Rudy has gotten help from the police. Now, it’s just Lily who points out a knife at me and Erick who is gripping my neck by his left hand from behind.

Lily says “Let us go or I will kill her.”

Rudy says “Let her go! Lily, it’s over. If you let her go, you will only go to prison. If you kill her, you will be courted against a death sentence. If you let her go, I promise that I will help you by providing the best Attorney to accompany you. Now, let her go!”

I am turning my head to look at Lily. She seems hesitate with her decision At the end, she still says

“Let us go! Back off! Put down all of your guns.”

Suddenly, Christian and Cindy are running to stand beside Rudy. Cindy says

“Lily, let her go! Kevin has already found out that you kidnapped Ruby. You will lose him. Do you want him to hate you even more by killing the girl he loves? Let her go! Everything can be fixed. We can help you find a good Attorney. Let her go.”

Christian is running towards us and stops when Lily points out the knife even closer to my neck.

“Please… Lily, listen to me… Let her go! I can help you.”

She stares at me and says “I am sorry.”

I am looking at Lily and suddenly feel bad for her. I know that she can only choose to stab me in the heart and let me die with her.

There’s a sound of shooting and I am screaming hard. It turns out that there’s a police who shoots Erick from the back. He’s now dead on the floor. Lily is looking at me and says

“I lose. You always got the love from everyone where I got the opposite.”

She is dropping the knife into the ground and grabbing her gun from her pocket. She points the gun straightly to my head.

She says “Don’t worry… The gun is empty… I cannot let you die. I won’t let Kevin to hate me. At least, if I die now, Kevin will choose to remember only the good things about me. Good bye!”

She is pulling the trigger. Out of the sudden, she was fired by many polices. I scream

“No! Don’t shoot her. The gun isn’t loaded… Don’t shoot!”

She is falling down on the ground. I am holding her hand and say

“I won’t tell Kevin about this. He will remember only all the good things about you. Please, you need to hold on.”

She looks at me deeply and says “Thank you” before closing both of her eyes.

Rudy is running towards me and hugs me tightly. He says

“You have scared me to death. Do you know that? Why did you still hold her while she is still having the gun! Please… Don’t scare me like this ever again. Don’t hide things from me. Cing, I just couldn’t lose you!!!!!!! I love you.”

I am smiling to the man who just risked his life for me. I really can feel his love. Who was I really? Why there’s a wonderful man like Rudy who is willing to sacrifice his life for me? I know that perhaps, there’s no one in the world who loves me more than him. He puts his arm around my waist and starts to walk out from the building. Everything is over now. Rudy is fine despites his bruises everywhere and I am still alive. I am looking at Rudy and say

“Thank you for risking your life for me. I understand now that love is not so much remembering what you said 5 years ago, but how you made me see who you truly are today.”

We are both walking slowly as I am looking up to see where we are exactly. It looks like an old warehouse. Out of the sudden, I see that lots of wood blocks are falling down towards us. I am pushing Rudy as hard as I can to save him. Everything went dark again afterwards.

Part 3: My love, my everything (Rudy)

I don’t know what just happened. I am looking back to find Ruby but she has been suppressed by many wood blocks. She must have tried to save me back then. How can she be so stupid? I can only cry and scream for help.

“Anybody! Please help me!! Please help me…”

I couldn’t imagine my life without Ruby. I am sure that she’ll be alright. She will be just fine! She has just escaped from death. She has survived from being kidnapped. Why does this happen to her? I couldn’t let anything bad to happen to her. She is my princess, my everything. She is my future wife!

We are removing all the wood blocks which has pressed all of her body. There is even a giant wood block which hit directly to her head. I can see her covered up in blood from head to toe. This view is my phobia. It’s certainly frightening! However, despites this accident, I can see that something has gone even more wrong. I could see many bloods coming down to her thighs. She is bleeding so badly. It’s like a woman having a miscarriage!

“Cing… wake up.. Cing, what happens with you? Don’t scare me like this.. Cing…”  

I am carrying her immediately and apparently that Cindy has prepared an ambulance earlier. We are going to the hospital as fast as we can. I am sitting inside the ambulance along with Cindy while Christian is driving his car at the back. Cindy says calmly

“Rud, I think it’s better to bring Ruby to a big hospital. I will call the hospital and get the best doctors to take care of her. Her injury looks serious. We can’t risk her life to bring her to the nearest hospital. What do you think?”

I am nodding my head weakly. I can’t think straight at the moment. Cindy is right. We can’t just bring her to any hospital. Afterwards, Cindy is making few calls everywhere. Cing cing is still unconscious lying down with her oxygen mask. The nurse offers to take care of my bruises and injuries. I am waving my hand as a sign to not worry about me. They better concentrate to keep my Cing cing alive. I finally ask the nurse

“What happened to her? Why is she bleeding so badly? Does she need any blood transfusion? Our blood type is the same. You can take mine as much as she needs.”

The nurse says “We can’t make any transfusion while we are still moving on the vehicle. It’s too dangerous. Hopefully, we can save her but it’s very unlikely that we can save the baby. However, we will try to do our best. Sir, you also need to go to the emergency clinic for your injury.”

I am shaking my head. How can the nurse even think about me right now? Cing cing is much more important than me! After an hour, we finally arrive at the hospital. I am shocked to see many Doctors already stand by at the gate to greet us. Cindy is really something. I can even see Prof. Wendy who I remembered to be Anthony’s doctor is already there to see Ruby. Prof. Wendy is running down the hall with the rest of us asking Cindy what happened with Ruby.

Ruby is taken as soon as possible to the operation room. We are sitting outside the room while there’s a nurse who puts a roller bandage on my injury. She even cleans them here on the waiting area just outside the operation room since I don’t want to move everywhere.

Cindy finally asks me how I knew that Ruby was being kidnapped earlier. I finally tell her and Christian everything.

“This morning, I sensed something was wrong with Cing. You know that she could never lie to me. I could read when she’s trying to hide something from me. She might not remember now because she has lost her memory but I always find out when she is lying.”

“When she went to wash the dishes, I read the text message she just received. She told me that it was from Amy. It turned out that it was from Lily. I thought that Lily would only meet up with her to make her give up on Kevin. I let Ruby went to look for her but secretly, I followed her from a distant.”

Cindy speaks up and asks “What happened then?”

“I was so shocked when I saw with my own eyes that two guys were kidnapping her. However, I was too far and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t also report to the police since they have Ruby as a hostage. I wasn’t sure whether it was Lily who kidnapped her or someone who just wants to extort Christian or myself. Therefore, I could only follow them from a distant and call you for a back up.

“What? You called Cindy before?” shouts Christian

“Yes, I did. Your girlfriend is very smart. She is the best personal assistant I have come across in years. I bet that she was the one who even prepared the ambulance. She is very thorough. I am sure that we wouldn’t survive if it wasn’t for her help. Chris, you are lucky to have her by your side.”

Christian says “Please tell me the story from the beginning. Now, I am very confused!”

I am explaining all the details to Christian.

“I told Cindy that I would make a phone call to her if there’s anything dangerous with me. I told her that Ruby was kidnapped and 80% of the criminal was probably Lily. I know that she was seeing Lily. I opened her blackberry phone. I know that the last person who sent her the text was Lily. I told Lily to call Kevin home since he’s the root of the problems. I also gave her a keyword. If I say “run now” on my next call, it means that she needs to trace my car and calls the police immediately. All of our company cars are hijacked with a GPS to prevent any stolen acts from the drivers. Therefore, she can locate me immediately.”

Christian finally replies “Wow! I have got to say that you are very smart. However, I still find that it was a risky move! What if Lily has killed Ruby before the police’s arriving?”

I finally answer back to Christian

“She won’t kill her. She’s is not a killer. But, if Ruby dies, then I can only die with her.  By the way, there’s something that all of you including your sisters should know. Lily is Mr. Wong’s illegitimate daughter. Mr. Wong had an affair with her years ago. That’s the reason why Lily made a move to Kev before. It was only to get to you and come to make revenge to your family. Ruby is the victim. She was picked because all of you have loved her.”

Christian replies “If my love caused Ruby to be in dangerous, perhaps I shouldn’t love her in the first place.”

For the next 15 minutes, I am spending my time to explain what happened back at the dark warehouse to both Cindy and Christian.

Christian finally replies “Both of you are lucky to be alive. I can’t believe that Ruby was even willing to open her clothes rather than to see you hurt. Sometimes, she is very hard to read. I thought Kevin is the one she loves now but why on earth she did all those things for you?”

Cindy finally cuts in and says

“What she did was not to show that she loves Rudy. What she did is to save the man who just risked her life for her. I probably would do the same thing if I was her. But again, any girls would get melt if she saw a prince charming coming to the rescue. Poor Ruby… if I were her, I won’t even know who to choose. All of you have made everything difficult for her. One of you needs to let her go.”

Afterwards, Cindy is busy making some calls and also texting. Sometimes, I have to take my hat off for her. She never stops working.

I am looking at my watch and see that it’s already 12.00 AM. We have been waiting outside the operating room for more than two hours. I wonder what takes so long. Out of the sudden, there’s a doctor coming out from the operation room.

He says “I need the father’s signature to give a permission to abort the baby. We have done all we can but eventually, we cannot save the baby. She’s also severed with a serious head injury. We need to act fast. We can only try to save her life. I am so sorry.”

He points out the pen to me. I am feeling so shocked right now.

Cindy got me to sit down as I am feeling that I am going to pass out soon. So, it’s really true. Ruby is pregnant? How? I don’t know how to respond to the Doctor. I can’t sign it. I know that I am not the baby’s father. However, Ruby’s life is on stake. I am planning to take the phone but out of the sudden, there is a voice behind me who says

“I am the baby’s father. Please do anything to save Ruby.”

Kevin’s here. Now, I know to whom Cindy has been texting for all this time.

Kevin signs the paper immediately. I can see that he has been crying very hard. Cindy comes towards him and put her hand on his shoulder. He is crying out loud with punching his hand hard against the wall. I cannot react as well to what just happened before. I can’t believe that they even have slept together before. The way I am feeling now is I really want to kill Kevin immediately.

Cindy says “Rud, I am sorry. I need to let Kevin know that Ruby was having a miscarriage. The nurse at the ambulance has informed me about this possibility. I am sorry but Kevin deserves to know.”

I begin to stand up and grip his clothes while punching him hard on the face. I can feel that Christian is pulling me from behind.

I shout “You got her into this! You got her to experience this suffer! You!!!! Leave her side voluntarily or I will make you to leave her! How dare you make her upset in Surabaya? She has been crying almost every night since the two of you fight. You got her pregnant and you still hurt her!”

I am losing control and start to hit him repeatedly.

Cindy suddenly shouts “Rudy! This is a hospital! Ruby’s condition is still between life and death. What would she feel if she sees you two fighting like this? Please pull yourself together!!”

I am lowering my hand and Kevin sitting on the floor. He is crying badly. He finally says

“She didn’t tell me. She never tells me that she’s already pregnant! How can she hide this from me? Does she hate me that much? If I knew she’s already pregnant, I would never say those words. I am an idiot!!!!”

Kevin starts to punch his hand to the wall.

Cindy is still staying beside Kevin. I want to tell Kevin that I don’t think that Ruby even knew that she was pregnant. However, I can’t speak another word, not to Kevin. It’s because of him that Ruby’s life was on jeopardy. None of this would happen if it wasn’t for him.

After some times, Cindy told Kevin everything about what happened. She told him every single details including what happened at the dark warehouse. After it all happens, he finally says

“How can I not see it? I should have seen it when Lily was made a move on me for the first time. I can’t forgive myself. Ruby was lucky to get out from this alive.”

Cindy then adds her words by saying

“If it wasn’t for Rudy, I don’t think she still lives until now.”

Kevin is looking at me deeply and says “Thank you for saving her life.”

To be honest, I don’t know what to feel right now but I know that both of us agree that the most important thing is for Cing to get better.

I am turning my body to talk to Christian.

“Chris, please help me to find the best plastic operation surgery for Ruby. She must be very upset with what happened at her neck.”

Chris says “Don’t worry. Cindy has already made some calls about this.”

I am looking to all three of them and say

“Please don’t tell Ruby anything yet about the miscarriage. I don’t think she knew before that she’s already pregnant. Promise me that all of you won’t tell her. Please hold until she is better. I don’t want anything to upset her at the moment.”

All three of them are nodding their head. Honestly, I am afraid that if she finds out that she was carrying Kevin’s child, I would have zero chance to be with her in the future. After this accident, I won’t act soft anymore. I will do anything to have Ruby by my side. 

We all stay at the hospital for the whole night except for Cindy. Even though I am tired as hell, I still cannot rest my eyes for even a minute. I am just too scared to miss out Cing cing’s news. Finally, at 04.00 AM, all the doctors are going out the operation room. They are telling specifically about Cing cing’s condition. Apparently, they did a head operation for her. Thank is what taking so long all this time. In conclusion, she will be fine but she will need to stay at the hospital for a while.

We all walk Cing cing to her room. I have specifically asked the nurse to provide her with the best room available. I ask both Christian and Kevin to go home but they don’t want to leave her side.

Christian says “Please let me stay by her side until she awakes. I am still worried about her. Don’t worry! I only love her as a sister right now. You don’t have to worry. Ruby also knew that I have grown to care to somebody else.”

I am nodding my head. I know that the person must be Cindy. They do look good together. We all stay inside the hospital room waiting for Cing cing to wake up. Christian has fallen asleep. Kevin and I have said nothing for the past few hours. Finally, he says something to me

“I won’t give up on her. I know that you have risked your life for Ruby but I just can’t give her up. I can give away everything for you. I know that I owe you too much. You saved Ruby. But, I couldn’t give Ruby up for you. I will apologize and make everything right with her.”

Before I could respond anything to what Kevin said, I can see that Ruby’s right hand is moving. I am taking her hand and whisper “Cing… How are you feeling now? You are okay. You are saved!”

Kevin is standing on the other side of the bed. She opens her eyes slowly and finally looks at me.

She says “I am okay. The only part that hurts is only my head.”

I reply “It’s ok. You just had an operation. I will call the nurse to come as soon as possible.”

She is gripping my hand and says “Please wait… Rud, I remember everything about us. I know who I really am now. I am in fact Ruby. I truly remember everything.”

Episode 18: A Life Choice (Ruby)

Part 1: A Fight

Kevin doesn’t look happy at all when I said “We need to talk”. He looks abysmal. He replies back

“It’s okay. You can take a shower first before we talk. You look tired.”

I am walking towards him and sit on the couch beside him. I start to speak out what I have been feelings for the past few weeks.

“Kev, I already knew the truth since few days ago. I chose to ignore them because I love you too much. However, the more I ignored them, the clearer everything was fallen into place and I cannot choose to be blind and avoid all the bitter facts. I actually saw the fight you had with Rudy, I have dreamt about many of my past memories. I have also found out about Anthony even though I am still not clear about him. The worst thing for me is knowing that you have been deceived me all along. It turns out that we were not lovers in the past. I don’t understand… How could you do this to me?”

I couldn’t continue to talk more as tears are beginning to fall down my cheek. I don’t know what to do. Our love is real but I can’t continue to live in denial. If Rudy was right, I shouldn’t be together with Kev in the first place. Kevin hasn’t said anything yet. He just looks at me and says nothing. I continue to raise my voice

“Kev, what strikes me the most is why did you tell me that I am an orphan? Both of my parents are still alive and you have kept them away from me. Do you have any idea how I would feel to know that I still have my parents? It’s bad enough that I don’t remember them let alone living for the past two years as if they were already dead.”

I am crying even harder and he is reaching and trying to hug me. He says

“Liv, don’t cry… I am sorry. I am so sorry. Please….”

I am pushing him away from me. My emotion is bursting out even more. He still even calls me with my fake name. I don’t want to be someone’s doll anymore, I want to be myself. I am Ruby.

“Don’t call me Liv! It’s never my name. You told me my name’s Livia where in fact my real name is Ruby. Kev, I tried to see it from your perspective; I have tried not to judge you from all of this. I have given you a chance to explain your reasons to me. But, you never have the courtesy to tell me the truth!!! Why did you lie to me?”

Kev replies “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just want you to be happy. It’s better for you not knowing about the truth. You will be happier that way.”

I can stand it. Until now, Kevin still excused his lie on behalf of my happiness. Even if it was all true, I should be the decision maker of my life not anybody else. I continue to scream while crying

“No! I don’t think I want to wait anymore. Please Kev, for once tell me the truth..”

Kev finally opens his mouth and says

“Okay! If you must know, I didn’t just lie to you. I made so many mistakes beside that! I have broken my promise to a dying person, I had deceived my only best friend in the entire world, and I have even ignored my conscience by hiding you from everyone. I told you that we were lovers where we were never been more than friends before you lost your memory. That’s the truth!”

We don’t speak another word for a while. After a few minutes, I ask “Why?”

“It’s because I fell in love with you in a hard way. It’s a love that I never knew existed in this cruel world. I love you so much Ruby and until this very minute I really want you to be my wife forever. I am so selfish even right now I want to tell you that I won’t let go of you under any circumstances. You are the only one I won’t choose to live my life without.

I raise my voice again and say “Is this the way you love somebody Kev? By deceiving her?”

“Please, let me explain to you from the beginning.” Replies Kev.

After standing up, I choose to sit again and say calmly “Okay! You have 10 minutes.”

“I have fallen in love with you since you were only 16 but you had Roy, your first boyfriend. After a while, he left you because of your family were broke. You were so sad and I came over to Indonesia to make a move on you. However, you already had someone who loves you more than anything in the world. It’s Anthony, your playmate since you were even born. How can I compete myself with him? He loved you even he’s willing to put every aspects of his life on hold for you. I didn’t love you as much as he did back then. Later on, I came back to Sydney and was in a relationship with someone else named Lily. We lost contact for a few years when she left me due to her illness.”

He continues to tell his story

“Three years ago, you came again into my life. I didn’t have a strong feeling when you first came to Sydney. I adored you but my heart was still broken because Lily left me with Roy. My heart was full of hatred. You began to slowly fall in love with my best friend named Christian. I helped the two of you a lot to admit both of your feelings. I thought that the two of you could heal your heart by having each other. I thought Chris could give you a better life because you were hurt badly when Rudy left you. Rudy was your second boyfriend and probably the first mature relationship you ever had. You were so in love with Rudy. When he left you to Germany or even got your heart broken to pieces because he wanted to marry someone else, you were running away from the reality.”

“I think that was the reason you came to Sydney in the first place. I have known Chris for many years because he’s the only best friend I have. Chris was a spoilt, play boy, and even childish but I saw with my own eyes how you turned him into a man. On the other way, Chris was also able to heal your broken heart. The uptight girl who rarely made a joke can finally able to laugh again. Back then, you were very cautious to open up your heart. But, Christian healed your heart slowly. Because of you, I also found out that Lily left me to sacrifice herself for my happiness. I chased her back and tried to hide my feelings for you even though I had started to like you very much. We lived together for a couple of months and you made me in love with you slowly but in a way that I could never love someone other than you ever again.”

I am listening to him attentively as I really want to know what happened next.

“You came back to Indonesia because your father was ill. You were already in a relationship with Christian. The two of you opened up your feelings on the day you were leaving. However, everything had to change when Anthony was ill. You decided to leave Christian for Anthony.”

“After a while, you even realized that you have loved Anthony all these years, a love that is more than just a play mate or brothers. I can’t describe the relationship between you and Anthony in words. The bottom line, you two couldn’t survive without one another. You love each other deeply so deep that I couldn’t think that one of you can live without each other. After he died, you chose to end your life even though I tried to change you for a year. I failed and finally got you hit by a car. When you lost your memory, I thought it was a good chance for you to re start your life. I want you to be happy again. I don’t want to see you live your life in depression and mourn every single day.”

I cannot express my words. I just sit tight and don’t know how to react to his explanation. The thing is I don’t know how much I love Anthony, Rudy, Christian or even the other guy. The only person I know is Kevin. I have no recollections of them. I may have remembered some things about Rudy but it’s nothing compare to what we have spent with each other for the last two years.

Who do I love truly? Even if I recall back my memory, I am not sure that I know which guy I love the most. It seems that I have had a deep relationship with most of them. What should I do? I don’t want to make a mistake and hurt any of them, especially Kevin. What if I regain my memory and find out that I don’t love Kev at all. He would even feel more devastated.

“Kev, I think I want us to live separately. You can stay here. I will try to look for another place to live temporarily in Surabaya. After my job’s done here, I will move back to Jakarta to find out who I really am. I hope that you can support my decision.”

Kevin looks at me, takes my hand, hugs me tightly and says

“Honey, did you remember about that night? You said that it only takes 1 me to bring out 1000 memories. How come that you have to change now? You said that everyone else doesn’t matter much beside me. You said that you don’t need to remember your past. You also made a promise that you will forgive me no matter what. Why did you still choose to leave me? We have spent a night together; we have committed to get married in a few months. Does it really have to change?”

Suddenly, I am feeling hurt. I even start to think whether he had tricked me to sleep together because he was afraid of losing me to Rudy. Did he do that to keep me at his side when I find out about the truth? I thought we did that because we truly love each other. How can he think that I haven’t forgiven him?”

I have forgiven him! I am now choosing to move out and making a distant with him because I am afraid that he might get hurt if it turns out that I never love him once I regain my memory back. I try to speak calmly but my voice tends to rise again. I need to know why we slept together that night. That night was very important to me.

“Kev, why did you choose that night to make love with me that particular night? We’ve been living together for the past two years but you never made a move before even though you had plenty of opportunities. Tell me honestly. Why did you choose that night specifically?”

Kev just sits tight and doesn’t say a word. He looks confuse. Finally he says

“What do you mean by saying it specifically?”

I am losing my patient and probe

“Is it because you met Rudy earlier in the afternoon? Was it the reason why you chose to consummate me that night?”

He is shaking his head and tries to touch my face with both of his hand. I continue to yell

“Were you afraid that I would remember anything about Rudy so you chose to have me first? Was it like that? Tell me honestly Kev. For this, I couldn’t bear to know nothing but the truth!”

Kev kneels in front of me while I am sitting on the couch. He says

“Of course not! Why did you think that way? No! I did that with you because I love you so much. I wouldn’t just trick you and get you into bed. I would never sleep with strangers. I haven’t even slept with Lily before even though we were in a relationship for few years. You are my first and my last.”

I am asking him again “Then, why did it have to be that night?”

Kevin whispers slowly

“I am sorry. I might have scared because Rudy was interfering with our lives. My fear may have driven me to have you completely. But Rub, you need to know that everything I did, I do and I will do in the future, they are all because I love you so much, nothing else. I know that you are very angry at the moment but please believe me that my love for you is always real! If I can turn back time, I wouldn’t have done it any differently. We did it because we love each other very much!”

Finally, I am responding to what Kev by saying

“Kev, if this is how you will love me, maybe I don’t want it anymore. I cannot continue living my life like this. I saw Rudy and how he has suffered because you have hid me from him. I am not sure whether my family has also been dealing with the same grief. Now, I even want to go back to Jakarta as soon as possible. I want see everyone who has loved me. I want to live my old life again. I know that this is not who I really am.”

Kevin stands up. He looks very angry. He grabs my hand and says

“So, who is the real you? The depressing you, the mourning you? Tell me Rub! Is this just a reason because you want to get back together with the love of our life? I know that you have fallen for Rudy during the past few days. I saw you’re the way you looked at him. You cared for him! Rudy is living next door now. Maybe, you should move in there and live together with him. Don’t make an excuse that you want to see your family instead. Isn’t living together with Rudy is what you really want?”

I am looking at him in the eye. The last words he just said really hurt my heart badly. It’s like having a knife stabs right into my heart. I can’t believe that my Kevin has the heart to say stuffs like this. I want to make him upset by saying yes but I am afraid to lose him. I can’t even start to hate him. Why is it so hard to make a distant with Kev? I Maybe it’s for a fact that for the past two years, we were all each other have. But, how could he say something like that? I have lived in denial for him and even though I found out about the truth earlier, I still chose to be with him. My tears start to fall down again and this time is a tear of pain. He has hurt me officially.

I look at him and finally say my decision slowly

“If that’s what you want, fine! I will move now and ask Rudy to bring me back to Jakarta. I will pack my things and leave first thing in the morning. If you think of me that way, then I shall leave soon.”

I am walking fast towards my room and suddenly Kevin is running towards me and hugs me tightly from behind. He says

“Ruby, please… I am sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Don’t keep me away from you. I love you… If you want to go back to Jakarta, let me accompany you. I love you so much… I am sorry…. Anything you want but please… don’t go alone…”

I let go of his hand and say coldly to him for the very first time.

“Kev, love is made by trust, respect, and caring. I don’t know whether I can trust you at this point. I cannot live my life happily with you while knowing that others live their life miserably because of my choice. I have heard you loud and clear before. I know what you truly think of me. Maybe we should take a break.”

He hugs me tighter and says

Please…  I am sorry. I lost control of myself. I cannot lose you… I don’t want to take a break… Honey, when you think you’re not happy with your life, always thinks that someone is happy simply because you exist. That someone is me.”

The tears keep falling down to my cheek. I can feel his despair. I really want to stay and continue to live my happy life with him and not caring about anyone else. But, I know that I have to be strong. I cannot keep hurting anybody else who also loves me like Rudy. I need to repay their kindness. What about my parents? They might live in such a pain, waiting that their daughter to come home. Maybe this fight happens for a good reason. I know we are both hurt but I cannot choose to be this selfish. Deep inside my heart, I really want to kiss him and say that he is the only one I need but that won’t be the right thing to do. I have to lie to Kev for the first time. I need to make him suspect that he had made me angry by asking me to live with Rudy.

I am wiping my tears and turn my body around to look coldly into his eyes

“Sorry, I will go back to Jakarta as soon as possible. Please don’t ask me to stay because it will only make everything harder than it already is. I just want you to know that it hurts my feeling when you said that the real I may want to move and live together with Rudy instead of you. You made everything that I have been through to seem worthless. Maybe you were right! Maybe Rudy was really the love of my life. Kev, I can’t stand that for a fact you made a mistake and now you even blame me for it. Please make some distance with me first. I want to find out who I really am.”

He runs towards me, hugs me and whispers

“Rub, do you still love me?”

I look at him deeply. I want to say yes out loud but I choose to remain silent and walk away to my room. My heart wants to shout I love you 10.000 times but I choose to keep silent.  

Part 2: A Misunderstanding

I am lying down on my bed and crying hysterically. I am afraid that this is it for me and Kev. I know that I am taking such a hug risk by gambling on our relationship. In my eyes, if our love is meant to be, then it will eventually find a way for us to get back together. Leaving him and be with my family is just something that I have to do. If he truly loves me, I am hoping that he’ll wait for me.

I start to pack up my things into two large suitcases. One suitcase is filled with my cloth and other suitcase is filled with all the stuffs Kevin gave for me. I couldn’t just leave it here. They mean a lot to me.

I couldn’t fall asleep until the very morning. I am looking at my watch and it’s pointed at 07.00 AM. I wonder whether Rudy has feeling any better since yesterday. I am taking a shower and pulling out my two large suitcases with me. If possible, I want to go back to Jakarta and meeting my family today.

I open my bedroom door and see that Kevin’s sleeping on the couch. He must have been here all night. I am gathering all of my bravery to walk out from our apartment. I start walking through the door but couldn’t help myself to leave him without saying good bye. I kneel on the carpet beside the couch, caress his hair and kiss his forehead and mouth. I can see that he is still sleeping. I whisper

“I love you….” 

I am finally able to stand and walk my feet and continue walking. Suddenly, he is blocking my way and standing in front of me. He grabs my hand tightly and says

“Please don’t go! I know that you still love me. Just tell me… How can I make you stay? How can I make you to forgive what I have done to you? Please…. Just stay… ”

I am looking at the man I love the most. My walls are starting to crumble. I couldn’t make another defensive action to walk away from him. I am standing still. Through his eyes, I can sense that he’s begging me to stay. I finally talk to him after a few minutes of silence

“I am sorry but I have to go. There’s nothing you can do to make me stay.”

He replies “Tell me your real reason to leave me…. Is this because you are touched by what Rudy has done for you? Is he your real reason to leave? Tell me yes and I will let you go.”

I want to turn my body around and say no. I want to let him know that he’s the only one I love in my heart. No, Rudy is never my reason to leave. I can see Rudy’s pain, I am truly touched for everything but the reason I leave is to see my family.

Out of the sudden, I can hear that somebody’s knocking on the door. Kevin lets go of my hand and opens the door. It turns out that it’s Rudy.

He is still wearing his pajama and says

“Cing, I am so worried when I woke up and didn’t see you beside me. I thought that you….”

Rudy is really coming in a bad time. Everything will be so hard to explain clearly right now. I really don’t want to cause any misunderstanding between the three of us. I already have enough problems to deal with the unknown past I haven’t yet to know. Kevin suddenly pulls out Rudy’s collar and says

“Get away from her! I won’t let you take her away from me.”

He starts to punch Rudy in the face. I am pulling out his hands and things are getting out of control. I couldn’t even get him to be civil. Kevin screams

“Why do you have to do this? Why do you always want to take her away from me? Have you done enough to hurt her in the past? I know that I have deceived her by saying that we were lovers but at least I would never leave her like you did before!”

I remember that Rudy is still sick and I don’t want to cause any more pain in his life. Kevin continues to hit Rudy for several times. He doesn’t even fight back. I know that he’s too weak to even stand up. I try again to pull Kevin away from Rudy but his strength is just too strong for me. Finally, I am slapping him in his right face for the very first face. I scream back at Kevin in order to make him stop this brutality.

“Rudy never asks me to leave you. It’s me who wants to leave. Do you understand? I want to see my family; I want to go back to my old life! It’s all my decision, never his”

I know that I must have hurt him badly by slapping his face in front of Rudy. However, I don’t know how to take out the blame from Rudy at this moment. I never saw Kevin reacting this way before. Finally, he looks at my eyes sharply and says

“Honey, I want you to choose. It’s either me or him! If you choose to walk away now, you are walking out of me and it means we are over. I won’t bother you again and you won’t have me in your life ever again. If you choose to go with Rudy, it means that you are choosing him instead of me. Think about it and choose. I won’t force you to stay anymore. I have done enough begging.”

He is craning his hand and when I turn my head to see Rudy, he is also doing the same thing.

Rudy finally says something after Kevin’s ultimatum before.

“All my life, I have waited for you to stay beside me. For the past few weeks, seeing you with Kevin has ripped my heart apart. I miss you, but I’m trying not to care. I love you, but I’m trying not to show. I want you, but what can I do when you are not even mine? Please choose to go with me because everything in my life reminds me of you. You are truly my everything.”

I know that I want to choose Kev but I need to leave him temporarily. But, I need to see my family. Maybe, it’s better to leave Kev with this misunderstanding for a while. I need him to let me go temporarily. If he truly loves me, I can only hope that he is willing to wait for me to come back.

I walk towards Rudy, turn my head to Kev and say

Don’t judge me for my choices when you don’t understand my reasons. I can see why you forced me to choose but it’s not a matter of who do I choose but what do I have to do for now. I just wish that you can understand.”

Rudy is helping me to get my luggage and Kev says his last words to me that day

“I was wrong. I thought that you loved me. I thought our relationship is like Tom and Jerry. No matter how many times we fight, we won’t be apart. It turns out you are choosing the wealthy General Manager instead of the poor fiancé you have loved for the past two years. I was wrong!”

Rudy replies back to Kevin and say

“Don’t you talk about her like that! She’s not what you said she is. If you don’t watch out what you are saying, I won’t hesitate to hurt you.”

Rudy finally tries to punch Kev in the face but he’s too weak.

I shout to the both of them and say “Enough! Both of you, please stop it!”

I am looking deeply to Kevin. Part of me still wants to stay. I turn my head to look at Rudy and reevaluate all the things. Finally, I choose to walk away from Kevin. I don’t dare to look back at Kevin and see his expression. We continue to walk, turn right and finally reach Rudy’s apartment.

Before he can say anything, I want to explain things out clearly with Rudy. I don’t want him to misunderstand with what happened earlier.

“Rud, I want to explain something. I am going with you not because I don’t love Kev anymore and thus, choosing you at the end. It’s never like that. I still love him very much. I just want to see my family and only you can help me to see them. I am sorry if my decision back at the apartment made you misunderstands.”

Rudy is looking back at me and says

“Yes, I know and I don’t care. I am just glad that you are here beside me. When do you want to go back to Jakarta? I can arrange it for you.”

“As soon as possible after you get better of course… I want you to get well first. Rud, can I ask you something?”

“Yes dear… ask away…”

Why you never give up on me after all this time even though I don’t remember who you are?

He replies “Because your smile is the only smiles which can make me to smile back at someone.”

I know that tears are starting to fall down on my cheek. I am feeling sad, touch and desperate at the same time. Why my real life turns out to be so complicated than I have expected?

We spend the day by rarely talking to each other. Rudy has been making a lot of phone calls to the person named Cindy and try to arrange everything in Jakarta. He just told me that he has arranged everything including informing my family about my arrival in Jakarta. We are flying back to Jakarta tomorrow.

To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking about Kevin. My entire mind is wondering about him. What is he doing at the moment? Is he okay? Does he miss me?

I know that I miss him so much. I have been looking at my phone waiting for him to call me or at least send me a text, but I have received none so far. I still remember when he said that we are over if I chose to walk away from him. My heart is broken. Is this the end of our love story? Is this it?

Tomorrow morning, Rudy is taking me to the airport where I am riding a plane for the first time. He told me that I have been flying a lot before and it shouldn’t be a problem since I don’t have a fear of height. I am following Rudy wherever I go since I am not familiar with all the process. I sent a text to Kev this morning at 05.00 AM letting him know that I am going back to Jakarta today. After a few hours, he still doesn’t send me a reply.

Now is finally a time for us to go to the boarding gate as it’s already last minute. Deep down in my heart, I know that there’s no use to wait for Kev anymore. I already knew this morning that he wouldn’t come. I must have hurt him badly when he thought that I have chosen Rudy over him. If only he believes that my love is only for him. If only if he knew……….. What I truly feel about him. Suddenly, my phone beeps and it turns out that there’s a text message from Kev. It reads

“Ruby, yes… I finally call you with your real name. I have been lying to myself that you can forgive whatever I have done due to our love. I was wrong. Now, I am freeing you to go. At the same time, I am also freeing myself. I contacted my friend Christian to send over my passport to Surabaya. I will go back to my old life in Sydney. Now, everything is fallen back into place. You will be with your friends and family and I will be with mine as well. Everyone already know that you are coming back home and I believe that All of them and Rudy especially will take a great care of you. I am sorry for everything and I hope that you can truly find your happiness with Rudy.”

Part 3: A Fly Away Back Home

I am reading his text message over and over again. I cannot believe that he chose to go back to Sydney and leave me. I can only cry and cry. Why do I have to choose between the man I love and the family who loves me their entire life? This is not fair.

Rudy asked what happened and I couldn’t do anything except to show him the text message. He puts his hand around my shoulder and whispers that I am doing the right thing by coming home.

I spend most of my journey by locking myself inside the plane’s bathroom and crying. The bathroom is unbelievably small which I never would have suspected before. I am still thinking about Kevin and how I don’t want to end things with Kevin. I don’t want him out of my life. God, how can I let him know that I still love him? Even though I am saying it out loud in front of his face, he might not believe after what I did back at the apartment when walking away from him with Rudy. I don’t understand why for him, it’s either him or anyone else. Why can he understand that I can’t just erase all the people in my life?

“Kev, I am sorry.. If only you can understand my heart… It always belongs to you…” says my heart.

I suddenly have a vision about someone who said to me once that “In life, we’ve lived, we’ve loved, we’ve lost, we’ve missed, we’ve hurt, we’ve trusted, we’ve made mistakes, but most of all, we’ve learned. None of us can’t never experience love without enduring pain.”

I wonder who the person is and why I can remember what he said a long time ago.

We finally arrive at Jakarta and I can see that they are already many people waiting for me at the arrival hall. From the pictures Rudy showed to me last night, I can see both of my parents. The old man which looks like my father hugs me tightly and says

“Welcome home. Where have you been? Why didn’t you call us all this time? We have been worried sick about you.”

He’s pointing to the rest of people who also greet me at the airport. This is mom. Beside her is your elder brother, Eason. This is Christian and his secretary, Cindy and also his sister, June. You have stayed with them for a year when you were in Sydney. They have been tried to search for you everywhere. These are your friends; Amy, Matthew and Karen. You have known them for a long time. This is your baby sitter since you were born, this is grandma. You were close to her. She has cried for everyday since you were missing. Last but not least, this is Anthony’s mother.

I am looking at them one by one and I don’t recognize any of them. All of them look like strangers to me. Suddenly, my mom asks me:

“What’s wrong Ruby? Don’t you remember any of us?”

I am shaking my head. Suddenly, there’s a younger man who I think is Christian hugs me tightly. I can’t even breathe. He says enthusiastically

“Rub, I can’t believe when Cindy told me. You are finally here. This is what I have been praying all along. You are really here. God has given me one more chance to be with you. You are here.”

He is hugging me even more tightly. I try to push him away but his grip is too strong. Finally, I am trying to step on one of his foot. He lets go of the hug and I run to stand behind Rudy as soon as possible. The guy named Christian still chased me and says

“Rub, what’s wrong? I won’t hurt you. Why are you scared to see me? I am Christian.”

I am still standing and trying to hind behind Rudy. Rudy finally says

“She doesn’t remember anything in the past except for the last two years of her life which she has spent without any of us. Please give her some space and try not to scare her.”

My mother approaches me and takes my hand. She says

“Let’s go home. We will take you home. Everybody has been worried sick.”

I am looking at Rudy and wonder whether he will accompany me to go home. I know that I am acting childish but he’s the only one I know at the moment. Kevin is no longer here. I know that all of these new people are here for me and perhaps, they loved me in the past. But, I cannot just trust a person within a second. Even with Rudy, it took me a long process for me to believe everything he said.

“Are you coming with me? Will you stay with us?” ask me to Rudy.

Rudy looks back at me and says “Do you wish me to go with you?”

I am looking at him and say “Please….”

He is taking my hand and now we are holding hand in hand. Suddenly, there’s a girl who I remember my mother mentioned to be my best friend pulls away my hand shouts and points her finger directly to Rudy’s face.

“You leave her alone! How dare you hide her from us? You should have told us weeks ago. I won’t let you to come with us. Ruby, this guy has made your life miserable. You missed your chance with Anthony because of him. You got your heart broken because of him. You went on an extreme diet because of him. You operated your face because of him. You even went back to Sydney and met with my cousin because of him. He has made you cried for days. He cheated on you when he went to Germany. He can’t be trust! If you don’t believe me, do ask Matthew. I wish Anthony’s here to tell you everything. You can forget about anyone but you can’t forget about Anthony.”

A guy named Matthew walks towards me and says

“Rub, you have to maintain your distance with Rudy. He has left you twice. He might leave you again in the future. He doesn’t deserve you.”

I am now feeling even more confused. It seems that everybody thinks that I am with Rudy now. Also, everybody seems doesn’t like him at all. I am looking at my mother and I can see that from her expression, she doesn’t expect any of this. I am looking again to all the people, trying to get the slightest memory of them but failed. Why I can only get a flash back when I was with Rudy?

He clearly means more than the rest of the people who have made an effort to welcome me. I remember that I got some vision even on the first day when I met Rudy. He looked so familiar when the rest of them do not get me chills. However, I think I need to point out that I am not with Rudy at the moment to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. I speak my words to the girl.

“Sorry…. But, I think you have misunderstood. Rudy and I are not together. I have been engaged with Kevin. We have lived together for the past two years. You don’t have to worry about Rudy hurting me. It won’t happen because I don’t feel for him that way.”

She pulls my right hand and says

“What did you say? You are with Kevin? How? It’s not possible! No….. He’s not the right guy for you. Did you know they he left his girlfriend when she was ill with cancer? He dumped her on the day she visited Kevin to Indonesia. She stayed for a few days at my place. I know what kind of guy Kevin is. He is a player! Where is he now?”

I know that there are much more important history that I haven’t got from both Kevin and Rudy. They only had told me the important highlights from their points of view.

“Don’t worry. I am a big girl. Even though I still don’t remember what happened earlier, I know who truly loves me and genuine to care for me. I don’t like it when you talked bad thing about my fiancé. You may be my good friend but you shouldn’t judge him as a player.”

She continues to argue “But…..”

I raise my hand to my new friend. I know that I can collect some information from her but I cannot just trust her with verifying the fact.

Christian then speaks up again

“If you insist to bring Rudy to come home with you, then I will also come and join you. I want to protect you. No one can hurt you when I am around.”

A girl who I remember my mother said to be Christian’s sister jumps in into the conversation

“No. It’s not even possible. Don’t forget that you are a President Director now. You have a huge responsible. Our company is already one man short with Rudy’s accompanying Ruby to her home. You should stay in Jakarta instead. I am sure that Rudy will take a good care of Ruby.”

She is turning her head to look at me and say

“Ruby, do you really not remember any of us? Please look at me and try to remember. We used to live together for a year in Sydney. You used to cook for me.”

I am trying to look at Christian and his sister deeply but no flash back so far. I am shaking my head again and she finally whispers something to her secretary. I remember that the girl is in fact the same girl who I saw earlier in Surabaya at night when she visited Rudy.

Cindy smiles at me and says “Welcome back Ruby. I hope that you are feeling better now.”

“Thank you” says I politely.

I am thinking about all the things that it’s really weird. Why I cannot remember anything at the moment. Rudy finally takes my hand again and says to everybody

“Ruby is tired. We shall go home first and discuss everything later.”

Everyone finally agrees and we finally walk away from the airport. I chose to ride Rudy’s car along with his driver and also my mother who sits beside me. I don’t know why but I don’t want to let go of Rudy’s hand at this time. I am scared to be around strangers who know me well but on the other hand, I don’t know any of them. I can’t differentiate which of them who really were close to me before. For the first time, I am really scared.

“Kevin, where are you now? I miss you so much…”

Part 4: A New Home

I have been staying in my new house for several days now. We live out of town around 4 hours from Jakarta airport. Rudy has been staying with me for all this time. To be honest, I don’t like living in this house at all. So many observant, so many commentators, and even my big family saw me weirdly. I found out that I in fact have a big family with more than 16 Uncles and Aunts and plenty of cousins and nephews. Many of my Aunts have visited me for the past few days. One of them, you can tell that she hates me a lot. I don’t need my memory back to reconfirm this fact. Just by the way she looked at me, talked to me and “interrogated” my mother, I can know for a fact that she is my “evil” Aunt. On the other hand, I realize that I have one good hearted Aunt who donated many of her fortune for unfortunate children. She even took me yesterday to visit an orphan. For the first time in a week, I can be myself when playing with those children.

Fortunately, Rudy knows my family very well. He has told me who really care for me and who have faked all along and see me as a weird insect. During the past few days, I have been getting many more visions about Rudy. He came to my room at one night and my vision shown me that we kissed before inside this same room.

Out of the sudden, there’s a knock on my door and I am telling who ever the person is to come in. It turns out that it was my “fierce” friend from the airport named Amy. She came along with Rudy.

I am sitting on my bed and they sit together on my couch. She finally says

“I have decided to tell you every detail I know about you. This includes your love life with the three men I know. They are Anthony, Rudy and my cousin Christian. I don’t care whether Rudy will hate me because of this. Please listen because I find this important.”

She starts to tell the story of how I had a best friend named Anthony. She also spills every single detail about how I met Rudy, how we got together, how we broke up before and how miserable I was when I thought that he got a girl pregnant before. Then, she told me about Christian and how I fell for him during my trip to Sydney. She also pointed out that I never have any love history with Kevin before. At the end, she told me how I was devastated when apparently my husband Anthony died on our wedding day. Suddenly, I stop her

“That part, I knew. I had a dream about how it happened. I saw the wedding in my dream. Did I love him so much?”

“Yes you did and I think that you still do and you will always do. I know that it’s not fair for me to say this but you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you still figure out your true feelings with Anthony and you really sure that you have gotten over him. You don’t remember anything about him now but I bet with my own life that you would regret to make any decision without remembering him first.”

Amy sounded very serious when she mentioned about Anthony. Perhaps, there’s something into it than meets the eye. She continues to give her advice.

“Rub, you should have waited in the first place. You shouldn’t be together with Kevin. I was shocked when I heard that you two were engaged. Later on, I found out from Rudy that Kevin has deceived you for the past two years and finally I can understand why. Kev never told you about your true past. Didn’t you see? He tried to make you as his puppet.”

My tears begin to fall down and Rudy suddenly speaks

“I don’t think Kev tried to make Cing a puppet. That’s a strong accusation. Don’t forget that he had stayed at her side, day and night for a year after Anthony’s dead. He has loved her all along even when she was with Roy. It’s just when Cing lost her memory, it drove him to make a decision to finally act. He didn’t longer feel the competition. My guess is at the time, he finally realized how much he loves her. Amy, I truly believe that everything he did was due to love not out of love.”

Finally, I can open my mouth and say

“Amy, my brain is maybe empty with memories but my heart is not blind. I know about sincerity and love. I appreciate you for telling me all of this. To be honest, I couldn’t feel the pain when you talked about when Rudy left me or when Anthony died before. I just couldn’t. All I can feel at the moment is that Kevin is the person I love and miss right now. Please give me some time to digest everything.”

Amy tries to talk back but Rudy makes a gesture to stop her from saying anything more.

We all spend the rest of the day by having dinner with the rest of the family. I don’t know how I can be friends with Amy before since I never had any girl friend for the past two years. After dinner, I invite Amy to sleep in my room. I want to know about our friendship. Perhaps, she can also fill me in about other important details.

We talked for hours last night and nothing was new except that I got to know about the friendship I had with her, Karen and the guy named Matthew. The other thing that stroked me last night was about Lily (Kevin’s ex girlfriend). Amy said that Lily was staying a few days with her. She mentioned that Lily hated me so much for what Kevin did to her. She thought that I was the cause of their break up. One of the extreme incident was she did torn up all of my photographs in Amy’s apartment. Thus, Amy cannot bring them now to remind me about our friendship. Nevertheless, after hearing Amy’s explanation, I can’t really blame her for what she did. I may also be furious if I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a year and all I got is from him that he already fell for somebody else and dumped me as soon as I arrive. I couldn’t believe that Kev could treat a girl this cruel.

Amy went back in the morning since she has to go back to Jakarta to work. She even offered me to come back working at her company and apparently to work under the boss who used to adore me very much. I want to come back to work since I also have nothing to do at home. However, when we brought out the topic to Rudy, he disagrees right away. He said that he wants me to come and work with him instead.

Afterwards, Rudy is asking me to accompany him to go somewhere. He says that it’s an important place for me in the past. On the way, he is asking me the subject I’ve been avoided to remember.

“Have you been in touched with Kevin lately?”

I am looking at Rudy and shaking my head bitterly.

“I have sent him many texts but he has switched off his mobile. The last thing I know is he told me that he wanted to go back to Sydney.”

“Are you okay? I know you must have missed him a lot. Do you want me to check? I can ask somebody to track where he is.”

I am glancing at the guy beside me and fully understand why I used to fell for him before. He’s sincere in so many ways. I know that he still loves me but he’s still willing to help me find Kevin.

We finally arrive at a beautiful hill which looks like a nice holiday spot for family. It has a lake. The weather is lovely. It’s very unlike Surabaya which tends to be hot during day and night. I am walking towards the lake to play with the water. It’s so cold.

Out of the sudden, I am having so many visions after touching the water. All the visions are glancing at the same time. The vision when I was a child playing with an older boy, the vision when a guy and I kissed each other which looks like after a marriage proposal. I am sitting on the grass and suddenly remember that this is the place I’ve been dreaming all along. I know that the little boy and the handsome guy must be Anthony. I am having more visions about lying on the same grass at night looking at the stars with him. I remember the fireworks and how warm we used to hug each other. Amy is right. Anthony is really important to me.

I am taking Rudy’s hand and say

“Please… help me to remember about Anthony. Bring me to the place I used to have all memory with him. I want to remember him.”

We are planning to leave the place since the clouds become grayer. The grass is a bit slippery and hence Rudy is holding my hands to walk with me. I am seeing a big tree on the top of the hill. It captures me and draws me to go there.

“Can we make a stop and sit near the tree first?” I ask Rudy.

“Sure.” He replies

We are walking towards the tree and it’s very hard for me to hike since the grass is slippery. Suddenly, my ankle slips and I am falling down, rolling on the grass. I feel like Rudy is shouting, hugging, and rolling along with me until we finally stop. I feel so dizzy. Rudy is on top of me and says

“Are you okay? What do you feel? Please tell me. Are you hurt?”

I am looking deeply into his eyes and having another vision similar to this. I remember that the exact same thing happened to us only that we kissed back then. Rudy’s face is getting closer to me and I am seeing so many visions or maybe flash backs about the two of us. Finally, I dare myself to ask the most awkward request to anyone. I ask him to kiss me and hope that I could remember some more.

“Rud, kiss me.”

His eyes look deeper into mine. I am closing my eyes and feel that his mouth is touching mine. I don’t response back to his kiss but I only hope that I can get more visions about our past. However, none have come so far. It doesn’t work. I try to push him away but he continues to kiss me passionately. I still don’t response to his kisses but he doesn’t understand my cold reaction. I know that it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have asked him to kiss me. He kisses me even more and more passionately. Maybe, he’ll stop when I response. I begin to move my mouth and kiss him back. I can feel that he is smiling. He’s overjoyed and perhaps misunderstood that I also enjoy the kiss.

Out of the sudden, I have many flash backs about us including our dates, our kisses in the past, the night we danced, even I see that he’s kneeling down to propose to me. Did I say yes? Apparently I did. Oh my God…. Is he the one who I truly love all this time? Not Kev? But my feeling for Kevin is real. I still love him and we shouldn’t even kiss in the first place.

I am turning my face to the right and hope that he understands that we need to stop. He asks

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. It’s not you. It’s me. I shouldn’t ask you to kiss me. I am sorry.”

“I am not.” He replies immediately and continues to say

“I am not sorry at all. I have been wanted to kiss you like this for a long time. Cing, I love you.”

We are sitting down for a while and I finally dare myself to ask him

“Rud, did I love you before? How much?”

“I don’t know how much you love me but perhaps, more than you love your own life.”

“Why did you or do you think that way?” asked me.

Rudy is answering me by telling the story of the triangle love between him, Anna and myself. He is letting me know how I sacrificed my own happiness and even my own dignity for the two of them. He told me that he was being coward at that time. He shouldn’t have asked me to deal with Anna. He was in a “shock” stage where he tried to deny everything. He is sorry that he should have dealt with everything along. We continue to leave the hill and drive home after some times.

At night, Rudy is asking my parent’s permission to bring me to Jakarta. He said that he wants to bring me to live at my old apartment. He also has promised to me that he will take me to my new house with Anthony. It turns out that I used to live there with Kev for a year.

After a long debate, my father finally agrees to let me go. After we have finished our dinner, my mother is asking me to wait in my room. She says that there is someone who wants to talk to me. I am sitting on my bed, opening my old photograph album. Most of my photo album is filled with Rudy and Anthony. I wonder why I never took any of Kevin’s pictures in the past. Suddenly, my phone is ringing and it reads as private number.

Me                         : Hallo

Caller                    : Hi, is this Ruby?

Me                         : Yes. May I know who’s speaking?

Caller                    : This is Lily. Do you know who I am?

I am thinking hard whether this is Lily who everyone said was Kevin’s girlfriend in the past. However, I don’t want to guess it wrong.

Me                         : Can you please tell some more about yourself?

Caller                    : I am Kevin’s friend. I need to talk to you in person and please don’t tell anyone about meeting me. I don’t want anyone to know that I am in Jakarta.

Me                         : Ok. You can just text me the time and place. I will be there. Is Kevin’s alright? Where is he now?

The phone is now longer connected. After a while, she sends me a text and ask me to meet her one week later on Sunday at Shangrilla hotel, Jakarta. I will ask Amy how to get there later when I reach my apartment tomorrow.

Somebody is knocking on my door and I ask the person to come in. It turns out that it is Anthony’s mother.

I greet her and say “Aunty, please come in. I am sorry that I don’t know it was you. I would have changed my pajama. It’s not polite to see you like this. Please sit down Aunty. Can I get you something to drink? Do you want to have a hot chocolate?”

She is shaking her head, smiling and says

“I used to see you in your pajamas all the time. You don’t have to address me so formally. You used to call me mom even before you got married with Anthony. Perhaps you don’t remember but we were very close since you were little. When your mother got angry with you, I was the one who always defend you. She always says that I have spoilt you too much. You have grown into a beautiful woman now. I can’t believe how the days can go by too quickly.”

I am taking both of her hands. Suddenly, I can feel her pain. She has lost her son and now even though I am already here, I can act like her daughter. It must have been very painful for her.

“Ma, do you blame me for Anthony’s dead? Did he die because of me? No one told me how he died. Can you please tell me the truth?”

She replies back at me “No, of course not! He didn’t die because of you but due to illness from his accident. You were all the reasons for him to live. How can you think that you made him die?

“I don’t know. I just think that I don’t bring luck to anyone. I broke many men’s heart, I made my parents sad, I made you lost your son, now I am even hurting the man I love. I don’t care whether he tricked me in the first place. Ma, you must have thought that I have betrayed or even cheated on Anthony. I am really sorry but I didn’t know about Anthony two years ago. I really thought that Kevin was the only person I knew in my life. I thought I was an orphan.”

Anthony’s mother hugs me from the side and puts my head on against her chest. She says

“Don’t worry my daughter. I know who you really are. I have known you since you were born. I know your heart. You won’t even hurt a fly. Do you know why you broke many men’s heart?”

I am shaking head. She continues to caress my hair and says

“It’s because they have broken yours first. However, I am just afraid that you will get hurt again now. You can easily have a crush on somebody. Ma also knows that you can easily get touched when a man is being nice to you, especially if he sacrifices something for you. Sometimes, you don’t even know who you truly love, who can bring you the happiness you deserve. But, Ma can only say this to you that no matter you choose to end up with in the future, I can only hope that he can love you as much as Anthony loves you. This is Anthony’s diary and death will. Ma took it from his house earlier. It’s left on your bed when you left the house for the last time. Anthony has left you with everything including the house, the car, all of his stocks and also his money. They are all in this envelope.”

I am giving back the envelope to Ma and say

“Ma, I will take the diary. But, I want you to have everything else. I don’t deserve to have all of this. You can use it for all your needs instead.”

Ma says “You probably don’t understand but Anthony would be really angry with me if I took it from you. You are the only person he loves in this world. I maybe his mother but you are his other half.”

I am asking Ma the question I’ve been wanted to ask her since the first time I saw her.

“Ma, did I love Anthony so much?”

She answers “Yes, with all of your heart.”

Ma is then leaving me alone in the room and I begin to open his diary. I read one by one until it finally finishes. I couldn’t believe that someone can love me this much. The one page that strikes me the most is when he wrote on my sweet 17th birthday.

August 29, 2002

Dear Ruby,

Today, you are celebrating your 17th birthday. I can only drop my tears because you choose to spend it with Roy. I know that I should be happy for the two of you but why I always feel that he’s not worth of your love. Maybe, no one can ever fit in my eyes when it comes to be your boyfriend.

You never knew that since a long time ago, I have fallen in love with you the night we spent on the star hill. Back then, I asked you what your third birthday wish was. You said that you want to meet your prince charming in the future. Deep down inside, I always want to be your prince charming. Sadly, you have only seen me as your brother.

If I can cut my life for 20 years, I am willing to replace them for your happiness. I sincerely hope that you can meet your prince charming in the future, the one who loves you at any cost.

Ruby, happy birthday my love…. I hope that someday you will realize that your prince has always been by your side all this time Maybe, I am too easy to overlook.



Even though I don’t know Anthony now, I can feel his love for me. God, why did you arrange me to have the accident? I never understand Your plan but I do hope that I won’t hurt anyone in the future.

Part 5: A New Friendship

We are going to my apartment in Jakarta around lunch time. On the way to Jakarta, I think I need to explain what happened with us during our kiss yesterday. I don’t want him to misunderstand.

“Rud, I want to explain something about the kiss yesterday. I am sorry. I asked you to do it for a wrong purpose. I know that it’s outrageous for me to even ask you in the first place. I am so sorry but I couldn’t understand why my visions only show when you are beside me. I can’t get any hints even around my family. It’s only you who can bring back my memory. I am truly sorry.”

He smiles, touches my right hand and says

“I know… I know by the way your lips touch mine in the first place. You didn’t respond at all. I thought that I caught you in a moment but it turned out that I was wrong. I know what your heart feels at the moment. You still love Kevin so much, am I right?”

I am looking at him one again and couldn’t believe that this kind of guy even exists. I reply to him

“Thank you for understanding. You don’t need to stay beside me all the time now. I can take care of myself. I am not as alone as I was back in Surabaya. I can call my parents all the time; I can call my friends to go out with me. You can do anything you want.”

Rudy replies what I have said earlier without even looking back at me. He says

“You don’t understand. There is no anything I want except to stay beside you all the time.”

He continues to smiles along the way. I finally cannot stop myself to ask him

“Why are you so happy when I told you about the kiss?”

He replies “I am smiling because you said that your vision only shown when I am around you. It proves that I am the most important person in your heart before you lost your memory.”

I am smiling back at him and wonder whether what he said was true.

We are finally arriving at my apartment. It’s very girly and I truly believe that I used to live in this place. All the décor and color were so me. This is exactly how I would decorate my own house. This time, Christian has already waited for me in the apartment by sitting on the couch.

Afterwards, he requested Rudy to give me some time alone with him. Rudy hesitates for a while and looks at me. I am smiling to him and giving him a sign to say that it’s okay. Rudy is leaving the apartment to buy some groceries.

“How are you Rub? Are you feeling well? Have you remembered anything?” asks Christian

“I am well. I have remembered some things related to Rudy and Anthony. However, other than that, it’s really hard for me to remember anything else, not even a remotely field.” answers me

“Not even your parents?” Christian asks again.

“Yes, not even them. I don’t know but I found them quite strange. I don’t know how to explain it to you. It’s just…………”

Before I can continue my explanation, he cuts me off by saying

“I can totally relate to you. I am not very close with both my parents also. Even when mother died, I didn’t feel the pain as much as when you we broke up earlier. You don’t have to explain to me. Sometimes, family can become stranger and friends can become family because they are always there when we need them.”

I am smiling at Christian. I am not quite sure whether I was close with family before but I have to say that Christian is right. Kevin and Rudy was more like my family rather than my mom and dad.

“Have you been told about our story? Do you want to know?” asks Christian suddenly

“No… Please do tell. I want to know for sure.” I reply to Christian.

“We met when you tried to escape from Rudy in Sydney. You were staying in my house. At first, I thought you were just like any other girls who like fortune, branded bags and clothes more than friendship. However, with the time went by, you have proven me wrong. You valued me not because I am the rich second generation from the Wong’s family. You are kind to me because I am Christian. You were even willing to work during the night shift to buy my birthday present. When you lived in Sydney with me, Kevin was our roommate and our best friend. He helped us a lot to be with each other at the time. We finally were able to admit each other’s feeling on the last day you are leaving Sydney. However, when Anthony got an accident, you chose to leave me out of guilt even though you still love me. Do you know why the accident happened?”

I am shaking my head again and wait for him to answer

“It’s because you chose to tell him that we were together. Anthony couldn’t accept the fact that we were together. Thus, he was speeding and got the accident.”

Now, I finally know why Rudy, Kevin or anyone never told me about this. I was the cause of Anthony’s death. He was ill because of the accident and it happened because of me. Christian continues to speak

“Rub, are you okay? You look pale.”

I am shaking my head and say “No, I am okay! Please continue to tell our story.”

“After that, nothing much to go on really…. I haven’t able to give up chasing you but I couldn’t since I hurt you badly during our break up. I said something I shouldn’t say to the woman I love, I did some things which you couldn’t forgive at the time. I am truly sorry. I wish that I could turn back time.”

I am looking at Christian and find this “weird” expression. He doesn’t look like a person who loves me. I could see the “love” expression in both Kevin and Rudy but I just couldn’t notice from his face.

“May I know whether you still love me right now? I need to know where you are at the moment.”

He is looking at me deeply and says

“I don’t know. I mean I sure love you and you are still one of the most important women in my love. But, we have been apart for so long. I am not sure.”

I am smiling and finally ask him

“I am one of the most important? May I know who the other woman is?”

Christian is smiling back at me and says

“You are still so smart Rub. Lately, I have been feeling something else with Cindy, my late mother’s secretary who is now my secretary. You used to like her too.”

I am offering him a glass of water and ask him again

“So, why the two of you aren’t together yet?”

“I am still confused. I don’t know whether someone could love two people at the same time. My heart has only filled with you since you were gone. I have been looking for you everywhere. I missed you like crazy, I…….”

I am touching Christian’s hand and says

“But now that I am here, you do not longer possess this feeling towards me. Am I right? You saw me differently. You thought that you would even love me when meeting me few days ago back at the airport. It turns out that you miss Cindy more when she was not by your side, even when travelling for few days for business trip. Now that I am sitting beside you, you don’t feel the butterfly in your stomach. You only see me as a friend or someone who is important for you.”

“How do you know that?” says Christian

“I might have lost my memory but I am still a girl. And, you are probably right by calling me a smart girl.” says I while laughing together with Christian.

“Chris, it’s simple. You used to love me but as time went by, you have fallen in love with Cindy slowly. It’s okay for you to feel that way. You deserve to be happy. Also, I have to let you know that I am such in a bad shape right now. I know that I love Kevin so much but I couldn’t just ignore Rudy’s position in my heart. He’s the only one who can give me visions. Also, I may not feel a thing about Anthony but by looking at his diary and from gathering everyone’s information, it seems that we used to love each other very much. He might be the last person I love before I lost my memory. So, I really don’t need one more guy to complicate the situation even more. I want to have a friend that I can trust, a person who can give me good neutral advices. I really hope that it would be you.”

Christian is laughing and he finally says

“I am not sure that I can stay as your neutral friends. After all, you were my first love. No one is good enough maybe perhaps beside Anthony to be your lover. I am not sure whether I even like my brother. He’s so cold to everyone around him. He’s a close book. I never know what’s on his mind.”

I am smudging my face and ask “Your brother? Who? Is Kevin your brother?”

He is looking at me seriously and says “No, it’s Rudy. Didn’t you know? Rudy is my brother.”

Christian then continues to tell me his family story. It seems that his family situation is very complicated. Nevertheless, I am glad of the new friendship I have with Christian. At least, one guy who used to love me is happy right now.

Christian is touching my hand and asks

“Rub, Kev called me few days ago. He sounded awful. He has told me all the things that happened with you and him for the past two years. He has apologized to me for hiding you all along. After hearing his explanation, I really feel bad for the guy. However, he didn’t explain why he chose not to come along with you to Jakarta. Is it because of Rudy? What happened with you two?”

My tears start to fall down again even though they are only two to three drops away. I speak

“It’s a long story. Bottom line, we have hurt each other’s feelings badly.”

Christian finally says “I don’t know what happened but you have to know that he has sacrificed everything to take care of you. He has nothing left now.”

Finally, Rudy has come back from his grocery shopping and stops Christian to say anything more about Kevin. Christian is standing up and planning to leave but Rudy asks him to sit down again.

Rudy says “Chris, I want to ask your permission. I want Cing to come back working for us. She can stay as my assistant for a month and come back to fill her old position as the HR Vice President. What do you think?”

Christian replies him by saying “Ok! I have no problem with that. It’s just we have to alert the managers first and let them know about Ruby’s situation. That way, they won’t get confuse.”

“I am thinking differently though.” Says Rudy

“What do you mean?”

Rudy finally explains his plan to Christian.

“I am planning to brief Cing everything and everyone in our company. No one shall know beside you, Cindy, I and June or May about her condition. I don’t want anyone to take any advantages because she has lost her memory. Don’t worry. I will prepare her during these few days. She will come back to work on Monday fully briefed.”

Christian is nodding his head without even arguing anything. Finally he says to Rudy

“Do you know that this is the longest thoughts you have spoken to me for the past few years? Is it so hard to speak to me besides talking about Ruby? I am your brother after all”

Rudy doesn’t even smile back at Christian. He doesn’t look at him as his friend, let along his brother. He’s back to the cold Rudy I knew when he interacted with his co workers back in Surabaya.

I finally speak out for Christian to Rudy.

“Rud, maybe all of us can become good friends. Why don’t we go out for dinner tomorrow? He can bring June along. The four of us can have a good time.”

Rudy smiles back at me and he says

“Cing, I already made plans with you tomorrow, maybe perhaps another time.”

I know that he’s just being polite to reject Christian’s offer. Suddenly, Rudy opens his mouth and speak again while Christian is walking out towards the apartment.

“Chris, I will come back to work at the office together with Ruby on Monday.”

It’s not even how a person should address permission but what he said earlier was more on a declaration of “for your information”. Rudy is Rudy. He is very cold to others and I wonder why. He is like a snow volcano mountain.

Rudy spends the next few days by informing me all about Wong’s Corporation in Jakarta. I have known about their history during my orientation back in Surabaya. He even brought me some photographs of all the employees at Wong. He asked me to memorize them all including their name, title and job descriptions. He even pointed out who have I hired personally.

Christian comes by every day. Sometimes, he drops by during breakfast or during lunch time. He never brings along his “Cindy”. This morning, he came along with his sister June.

She looks a lot more like Rudy. She also speaks when absolutely needed. I can finally see the resemblance between the three siblings. Christian shows me another picture of his sister named May. Apparently, he told me that May’s character is more like him. But, her “bossy” attitude is inherited by her mother. Apparently, her mother has given me a princess lesson during the past. Christian told me a few of them and it gets me to laugh so hard. I am also excited to hear many stories at the office about May. I really intrigue to meet her in the future.

Today is Saturday and I remember that I promise to meet with Lily tomorrow. I haven’t asked Amy about where Shangrilla Hotel is. It’s very odd that she asked to meet in the parking lot, not inside the café or even the room. I am calling Amy to find out about the hotel location. She offers to take me there but I lied to her that I want to buy a birthday cake for Rudy. Rudy’s birthday is in fact on September. I knew it from the back of our photograph before in my hometown. Now is only July but I couldn’t think of any other lie to meet Lily tomorrow. It turns out that the hotel is very near to my apartment and all I need is to catch a taxi to get there. Now, what I need is to find an excuse to leave the apartment alone from Rudy.

We are having dinner together at the apartment. I asked him why he hasn’t brought me back to my house with Anthony. He said that I need to be prepared for the office matters first. It’s very crucial that no one knows about my memory lost. I wonder why he desperately needs me to go back to the office on Monday. He hasn’t said anything all along and I choose to trust him instead.

Before I am asking Rudy for his permission tomorrow, I want to ask him about why he behaved coldly to Christian all this time.

“Rud, can you tell me why are you being cold in front of Christian and your sister? I don’t understand. I thought you wanted to have a family. You said to me when you were unconscious before that you didn’t want to be alone. They are nice people. Who don’t you get yourself close to them? I can see that Christian has tried very hard to please you.”

He replies me back by saying

“Cing, you only have known them for the past weeks. How can you know that they are good people? Don’t be too easy to trust a person. A person’s heart is deeper than any ocean. You never know when they can backstab you in the future. Cing, trust no one accepts me. You can’t put your trust 100% even though to your parents. The only person who is worth to trust completely is only Anthony and unfortunately, he’s no longer beside you. Everyone will act for their own benefit. No one can love a person unconditionally.”

I know that Rudy must have undergone a lot of bad things to make him what he is today. Suddenly, I am feeling bad for the guy. I hope that whatever our relationship will turn out in the future, I can still be someone who can he trust completely. I don’t want him to feel alone. My phone beeps and Rudy asks me who the message from. I lied to him and said that it’s from Amy. It turns out that it’s from Lily which reads

“Bring no one with you. I want to talk to you personally.”