Episode 19: Back to the Future (Ruby and Friends)

Part 1: My loneliness is killing me (Kevin)

Days by days have gone by and I couldn’t forget about what happened when Ruby decided to leave me. This is what I have been feared the most since two years ago. I am afraid that no matter how hard I tried, she still could walk out from my life clean and clear without leaving me anything.

I am looking at her picture which has stayed in my wallet since I secretly took it in Sydney. She was still 16 back then. She was not as thin as now and certainly was not as beautiful as right now. However, this photo has always been the one I carry around in my wallet.

Most of the times during the night, my chest feels heavy. I am feeling as if there’s a large stone suppressing my chest. The pain just couldn’t go any higher than this. Living without Ruby in my life is like forbidding me not to eat rice for the rest of my life. It’s my basic needs. Without her in my life makes my life empty more than ever. Nevertheless, I am still feeling grateful about the pain. It reminds me that she exists in my life.

I am drinking again, probably the 10th glass of wine back in Christian’s gorgeous penthouse, all alone. I am thinking to move and search for an apartment to rent as soon as possible. But, in order to do that, I need to get a job first. Now, I don’t even have the clear mind to do it.

My mind is travelling back to the break up scene when I told her that she should make a choice, a choice between me and Rudy. How can I be so stupid? Why can’t I be more supportive and accompany her to see her family? I should have understood her better. I always blame Christian for being irrational when he was jealous. Now, look at me. My jealousy puts me to become even more childish than Chris. I was the one who pushed her to be closer with Rudy. What an idiot!  

I have been calling May every single day and all the news I have received from her is that Ruby is getting closer and closer with Rudy. She advised me that I should just give up on her. Ruby and Rudy even have lived together in her Jakarta apartment. I can’t call Christian or even Cindy anymore to verify the fact since I don’t have the face to ask anything. I know that I couldn’t win this “competition” at all. Rudy is just too tough to beat. Now, Rudy’s surname has even changed to Wong. He has made himself unbeatable.

I can hear footstep walking towards me. It must be a housekeeper. June should be really angry if she sees her neat apartment with wine bottles and trashes lying around on the floor.

Suddenly, there is a heavy grown man voice who says

“Kevin, wake up!”

I am a bit drunk but trying so hard to open my eyes to see who he is. If I am not mistaken, it sounds like Uncle Wong’s voice. When I look at him closely and trying to be more sober, yes…  He is in fact Christian’s father or should I say that He is only June and May’s biological father.

“Wake up and take a shower first. I have something important to tell you!” says Uncle Wong.

I am walking towards my room and go straight to the bathroom to turn on the cold water. I need to be sober immediately.

No matter what Uncle Wong has come to talk to me, it must be really important. He is like a ghost. We never see him unless he wants to. I finally finish showering and finally able to see things more clearly now. I am drying my hair using the towel and walking outside.

Uncle Wong has already waited for me. His facial expression is a bit weird as if he has been waiting to speak to me in a long time. He says

“I know exactly what you’ve been through… I lost my real love before my parents forced me to marry Betty. For this empire, I have to live together with the woman I hate the most! We only marry each other to get what we both want. However, at the end she betrayed me. Because of that horrid son of her, I now loose gaining control of my own company. Everything that I had sacrificed was for nothing. Kevin, help me to steal back what’s mine in the first place. You have my word that I should be able to help you get Ruby back in your life. I know how much she means to you.”  

I am looking again at Uncle Wong and suddenly realize what this is all about. He wants me to betray Christian by helping him to get back Wong Enterprise back.

“Uncle, I have owed Christian my life. I wouldn’t do anything to harm him or his sisters.”

He replies “Who said that you need to hurt him? Even though he is not my biological son, I wouldn’t do anything against him. I have watched him to grow since he was a baby. I was talking about Rudy, not Chris. Do you think I would harm May and June? They are my own daughters, my flesh. Everything I own now would eventually be theirs anyway.”

“Uncle, I don’t quite know where this is going. What do you want me to do now?”

Uncle Wong answers “I want you to go back to Jakarta. I will give a full power in your hand to take care of my stock. I already have 15% and recently bought another 5% recently from some small stock holders. The first goal is simple. I want you to replace Rudy’s position as General Manager. We will have a share holders meeting on next Tuesday and I want you to fully corporate with me.”

I still don’t understand how this can help me to get Ruby back in my life. I am also not sure that Christian would agree. Uncle Wong finally explains again

“Kevin, don’t be a fool! Women are still women! They will eventually pick someone who is richer, and has a good position in the company. Do you think that Ruby will still be with Rudy if he has nothing now? Don’t be ridiculous!”

I am looking sharp at Uncle Wong and say

“But Ruby stays with me even though we were very poor back then. She never complaint… You don’t know her at all. That’s not how she chooses a man. If she only lover fortune, she would have stayed with Christian years ago.”

He replies slowly. It seems that Ruby has also made an impression in his cold heart.

“I have known about this unordinary woman but you have my words that sacking Rudy is only one step closer for you to get her. Step two is to get all of the people to hate Rudy including Ruby. I should inform you further details. Here’s your ticket and accommodation arrangement in Jakarta. You will have your own driver and car. These are few credit cards which you may use as you wish. IDR 200.000.000 will be deposited in your saving book to support your expenses in Indonesia.”

I look back at Uncle Wong and say

“Uncle Wong, I cannot do this to Christian. I just couldn’t…”

He looks back and me and replies

“Kev, look! I know Christian. I don’t think he really loves Ruby. What he feels for her is just an infatuation. But your feeling for her is different. What is it that make you to feel hesitate about? Rudy? He isn’t your friend! He’s your competitor. Do you still want Ruby in your life?”

I am still sitting on my couch when Uncle Wong leaves the apartment without saying good bye leaving me to answer the question all alone. Today is already Sunday and probably it’s already late in the afternoon. It’s been a long time since I have never look at the time anymore.

I am looking at the ticket and it reads the plane will depart at 17:50 or 05.50 PM. It’s too late anyway. I haven’t packed and I don’t think that I want to get Ruby’s back this way. Rudy is not my friend but it’s not a fair fight if I backstab Rudy by sacking him from his position. I won’t make another mistake which gets Ruby to hate me in the future. She’s already mad at me because I had lied to her about her past.

Suddenly, the house phone is ringing. I wonder if Uncle Wong forgot something.

“Hallo” I speak to the phone

“Hallo? Kev? This is Cindy.”

“Yes Cindy. What’s wrong?”

Cindy is screaming loudly “You have to go to Jakarta immediately! Ruby has been kidnapped by Lily. Please call me as soon as you arrive in Jakarta.”

She hangs up the phone immediately and I couldn’t think clearly what just happened. Did I hear it correctly? Lily kidnapped Ruby? Why? She wouldn’t do such thing. Lily is a nice person with a kind heart. She wouldn’t do it. Suddenly, I know who to call. I have to call Rudy now.

The phone rings for several times but there is no answer on his side. I am trying to call Christian but the same thing happens. Finally, I am calling Cindy again. She picks up the phone after several attempts.

“Hallo? Kevin?” says Cindy

“Yes. I tried to call both Christian and Rudy. They didn’t answer my call. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“Kevin, I have no time to explain. I am at the police station with Christian while Rudy is chasing the car which kidnapped her earlier. Get here as soon as possible.”

I ask Cindy again to verify the fact “Are you sure that she was kidnapped by Lily? You mean Lily my ex girlfriend?”

Cindy screams at the phone “Yes! How many times do I need to repeat? She tricked Ruby to meet her at the parking lot in a hotel. I don’t have time to talk right now. Bye!”

I know that the situation is really crucial at the moment. I am looking at my watch and it reads 12.30 PM. I have to pack my things as soon as possible and go to the airport. If possible, I will buy a new ticket which might leave earlier than my original flight. I know that Garuda has a flight which takes off at 02.30 PM. I hope that I could make it soon enough!

Why this has to happen to Ruby? She needs to be alright. I can’t bear if anything bad happens to her.

Part 2: Because you loved me… (Ruby)

I wake up in the morning at 07.00 AM. It’s a beautiful Sunday. I am going to the bathroom as soon as I wake up. I don’t know why but I am feeling very nausea. I must have eating the wrong food yesterday. I am trying to throw up but nothing is coming out from my mouth.

After several minutes, I am taking a shower immediately and starting to cook breakfast for Rudy. I am looking again at my watch to track the time. My meeting is at 11.00 AM with Lily. Rudy finally gets up at 08.30 and sits at the dining table right away. My maid is looking at us weirdly. I think I need to talk to her later explaining that I can’t even remember her. Hopefully, she won’t find it weird. I am eating my breakfast and start to have a conversation with Rudy.

“Rud, Amy asks me to go shopping today at 10.00 AM. She will pick me up in the lobby. It’s a girl day out. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

Rudy is looking at me weirdly and says

“No.. There isn’t anything I need. You just enjoy your day. I need to make an important presentation. It needs to be perfect for the share holders meeting on Wednesday. By the way, you will come to the meeting with me.”

I am smiling back at him and say “Okay!”

I am getting dressed and prepare to go to meet Lily. I am texting her again to ask the exact location of the parking lot. She said that it’s on level 7 (P7 at orange section). I am going down to the lobby and ask the front man to get me a taxi.

I am reaching the hotel lobby and ask the reception how to go to the parking lot. She points me the direction and I slowly take the elevator to go to level 7. When the elevator opens, the parking lot is very dark. It’s unlike any parking lot at the shopping malls I know back in Surabaya. I am looking at the pole and it’s blue. I am walking around to look for orange color. I am also texting Lily to let her know that I am already at the parking lot.

There is a large van which is going towards my direction. The speed is relatively faster than a normal speed at the parking lot. I am standing along aside to avoid being hit by a car. Suddenly, the van door opens and they are two men who are trying to grab me. I am struggling to get myself out but both of them are too strong. They block my air breath by pressing a handkerchief against my mouth and nose. It has a very weird smell too. Everything went dark afterwards.

I try to open my eyes but everything looks awfully blurry. Suddenly, my body is splashed with cold water. I wonder who did it and where am I? The last thing I remembered was meeting Lily back at the hotel. I am trying to open my eyes and look around. I just realize that my hands and feet are tiding up by hard strings. Finally, there’s a female voice which says

“I don’t think you still remember about me. We have met before back in Sydney. I knew right away that you would be my competition. I am Lily” says the beautiful lady in front of me. She is about my age and has short hair.

I am looking around to understand where we are right now. My hands and feet are still tied. I finally understand that she has been setting me up all along to kidnap me. I don’t know what her intention to do this is but I can see that she hates me a lot. Maybe Amy was right. She wants to make a revenge for what Kevin did to her. Lily continues to speak while touching my face harshly

“You must be curious now… Come on! Ask away… What do you want to know?” says Lily

I finally open my mouth and ask her

“Why and what do you want?”

She is laughing nonstop for several minutes. Her six other body guards are laughing along with her.

“They say that you are so smart but you are indeed very stupid! Can the memory lost affect anybody’s IQ? I really have to double check this with a Doctor!” mocks Lily

I am looking fiercely at her without saying another word.

She says “Do you know that you made my life miserable? Do you know that…. I hate you?”

I am nodding my head and she continues to speak

“Don’t nod your head too quickly! You don’t know the whole truth! You had no idea what I had done to be where I was until you came a long! You don’t know how much effort I have built in order Kevin to love me back. I have to change the way I was for him. I didn’t like music, I was not a feminist, and I certainly was not a good and kind hearted girl like you! You really had no idea. I had to pretend everything. Even I thought guilt and responsibility could keep him beside me.”

Suddenly, everything comes into a picture. Now, I know what this is all about. I have heard many stories from Kev, Amy, Lily and even Christian about their past. I need to reconfirm my suggestion.

I probe to her “You weren’t ill back then. You only used it in order for Kev to love you more. But, no… that’s not possible. How did you manage to get Roy to corporate with you?”

She smiles “Yes.. You are a smart girl after all.. I only need to mention one line and you already could guest what happens next. Roy didn’t corporate with me. He really thought I was sick.”

“What about your parents?” I ask Lily. I would never imagine that they are parents who support their children to do this.

“Parents? My real mother has died long time ago out of grief! My father doesn’t even know that I exist in the world. The parents who Kevin met in Sydney were a fraud! I paid them to act a long with me. Can’t you see my resemblance with someone you have met before?”

I am looking at her closely and can’t think about any other person who looks like her. She is turning her face to talk to one of the bodyguard to check the sound from outside. Suddenly, I can see what she has been talking about. I verify with her

“You are Chritian’s sister. Your face looks a bit like June.”

She is slapping my face as a sign of harassment. She says

“Right…. Right….. You have a sharp eye! But you would never guess that I am only June and May’s half sister. I am not even related to Christian. You see… Mr. Wong had an affair with my mother. When my mother got pregnant with me, she came to Betty Wong and begged her to accept me. She begged her that in my birth certificate. Mr. Wong could be written as my dad. Do you know what happened to my mother? She got rejected poorly and Betty even kicked her out during the rain, giving her some money to do an abortion. My mother chose to give birth of me anyway. We migrated to New Zealand for several years because she’s afraid that Betty would kill me if I was alive. My mother told me the real story when I was 16. She died on the hospital bed, still waiting for my biological father to come. He didn’t come even though she has called his secretary. From that moment, I knew that all the Wong’s family has no heart!”

I am looking back at Lily and says

“So, all this is about just to make a revenge on the Wong’s family? You used Kevin to get to Christian and his sisters. You want to make a perfect plan for them to lose everything. Is that it?”

She turns her head and says “Yes!”

I am laughing so hard to let her know that she won’t succeed to do it by kidnapping me. She is slapping my face again and asks “Why are you laughing?”

“You got it all wrong! You thought that you can kidnap me to hurt Christian. You are wrong. He doesn’t love me anymore. He has someone else. We are just friends. He wouldn’t risk his life to rescue me. What you are doing now will only get Kevin to hate you even more! You fell for him, didn’t you? It was never your plan but you truly fell for him!”

“Splash her with cold water again!!!!” she says to her bodyguard.

“Don’t you try to outsmart me!! Yes, I fell for him and Kevin is now far away in Sydney. He wouldn’t know that I am the one who kidnaps you. He will eventually love me back. He thought you were already with Rudy. I had May on my side. May was always on my side. She didn’t know the truth about my identification of course. I made her thought that you are only a bitch who likes to play around with guys. Don’t forget! She once had a crush on Kevin as well. So, it’s easy to plot her.”

“So, your plan is worthless now! You can just kill me! You can’t touch any Wong’s relative! None of them is willing to give their lives for me. Your revenge is meaningless.”

“Ups ups… Don’t be so sure dear… Do you think I don’t know that Rudy is Betty’s favorite son?”

Now, for the first time since the kidnapping, I am truly scared. My eyes are starting to fill with tears. They are tears of fear that she might try to hurt Rudy. She continues to speak

“Can’t get your tongue out right now, can you? You always can speak back to everything I have said earlier. Why are you quite now? Don’t worry honey! My revenge plan will work out perfectly just the way I want to. Now, I am going to call both Christian and Rudy. From Christian, I will ask a sum of money and also company stocks which will eventually can get me a good position in the company. By the time he knows that I am actually Lily Wong, it would have been too late. From Rudy, I can ask him to come here and torture him slowly as a revenge of my mother. Betty must be really sad looking from hell that her favorite son is being slaughtered here. Just watch me! Hahaha….”

I am struggling to untie my hands and shout “Nooo…. Noooo… Please don’t do that! Lily, there will be no turning back. You will eventually be in jail for life. Don’t do it!!”

She is laughing even harder and says

“Hahaha! Do you think I care about being in jail? They won’t even know that I am the kidnapper. My guy will call both of them. Mean while, I want to cut your faces and send the picture to the Wong’s Princes. I am sure that their heart will ache once they see your pretty face covered in blood. Just wait my dear. Your prince charming will come to the rescue the poor princess!”

Suddenly, there’s a bang sound from the door. Someone is walking towards us. Lily shouts

“Who is it?”

“It’s me! You don’t have to make any calls. I am here and I can give you the company shares and money as much as you like.”

I can recognize his voice everywhere. It’s Rudy. Why is he so stupid! He will be tortured! I shout

“No.. Don’t come here… Rud, run… just run… Don’t come here…”

Lily says “Oh…. What a joy… Erick, Handy; please check the surroundings and make sure that he doesn’t bring anybody although I am sure that he is coming alone for the sake of Ruby’s safety.”

“Please.. Rudy.. go… run… don’t come here.. She’s crazy..”

Lily is slapping my face again and she grabs my face. She says

“What a noise. I think that we should put a big duct tape around her mouth so that I can chat with my long lost brother over here. Rudy, welcome… welcome…”

The bodyguards are starting to grab his body. They made his hands to be tied against his back. Lily speaks again to her bodyguards

“Ups! What are you guys doing? Please don’t be rude to our little guest over here! After all, he is still a family.” says Lily

She continues to speak nicely “Ok… Now, let’s get down to business. This is my laptop! Open it and make the transfer! Ten millions US dollar wouldn’t be hard to get from you, yes?”

Rudy replies her “Ten million dollar? By cash? I don’t have that much money ready to be transferred. Who do you thing I mean? Donald Trump Jr?”

I am still trying to move and make some sound by screaming as hard as I can. I really want Rudy to go. This isn’t his fight. I couldn’t forgive myself if anything happens to him.

“Oh.. don’t be so sure. I have done my homework you know… You have half of them on the bank. I have checked all of it. What about you make a call to the bank and transfer the entire fund to my account now? The numbers are on the screen.”

Rudy is standing still and not making any moves. Lily continues to say

“I think you need a bit of motivation. Erick, open Ruby’s duct tape and kiss her beautiful lip. Enjoy her beauty, seduce her…”

There’s a big guy comes towards me and starts to make his face closer to me. I am closing my eyes. Now, I can feel his breath. He starts to kiss my cheek and after a second Rudy shouts

“Ok! Just leave Ruby alone. Don’t touch her. I will call the bank and make the transfer.”

“No… Don’t do it.. It’s your life’s savings. Rud, don’t do it” I shout repeatedly to Rudy

He is looking at me and says “I love you Cing… I will do anything for you.”

My tears start to drop again. I reply back to Rudy

“Rud, don’t love me. I am not worth it to be loved. I am a bad luck to everyone. Lily is right! I am just a bitch who likes to make a move on many guys! I am not worth for you to do this.. Just go..”

Rudy’s eyes are also teary. He says “Trust me when I say I love you because I will always mean it.”      

He is making a phone call to the bank. After he hung up the phone, he says

“Done! Now, please let her go!”

“Ups!.. not so fast my brother” says Lily.

Rudy screams “Are you playing me? What else do you want? Just let her go!”

Lily replies “You only have sacrificed so little things compared to what my mother had been through before. Be patient! Now, I want you to call Cindy to prepare an Attorney. I want you to transfer your company’s stock under my name. Do it now.”

She is putting a knife unto my neck. I know that I have to make a move as soon as possible. I don’t want Rudy to lose everything he has. I have no other choice but to end my life. This is the only way to save the one who truly cares for me. If I die, no one needs to suffer anymore. I am putting my neck against the knife and I can hear that Rudy is screaming loudly.

I am almost losing my consciousness when Lily is screaming into my ears

“Don’t you dare to try to end your life first! If you try to do anything to wreck my plan, I will kill Rudy and your family by tomorrow. You have my words Ruby!”

Lily says to her bodyguard “Let him go!”  

Rudy is running towards me as soon as the bodyguards are letting go of his hands. He hugs me tightly from the back.

“Cing, stay with me.. Cing.. Please… Cing… Someone gets me a clean towel please! Quick! She is losing too much blood.” shouts Rudy.

Maybe no one is moving. Maybe they are only obey what Lily has to say.  

“Please.. anyone.. help me… Cing… stay with me.. stay with me… Cing…” says Rudy repeatedly

Rudy is looking at me and says “After everything we’ve been through, I can’t imagine a life without you. You need to hold on. Please! Nothing is scarier if you tried to kill yourself. I can fight everything but I can’t fight your will to end your life. I couldn’t be scarier. Please.. Live for me.. We can go through this together. Please don’t leave me all alone. I have no one else to love.”

I can feel that something is pressing hard against my neck. It’s so painful but I still can manage the pain. Lily finally shouts

“Ok! Enough for the love fest! Now, call Cindy! Ask him to prepare you an Attorney. I won’t ask you twice. Do it or I will kill Ruby.”

Rudy says “You know that I have to ask Christian’s approval to use the company’s Attorney. Transferring more than 5% of company stocks must be legalized by our own company’s Attorney. Give me the damn phone and I will talk to Christian personally. Just don’t harm Ruby!”

Rudy is making a call and says

“Cindy, please put me through to Christian. Run along Cindy… Now! Remember… Run now!”

Afterwards, I can hear vaguely that Rudy is talking to Christian about selling his shares and ask him to transfer USD 5.000.000 to his account. I don’t think I can hold on much longer. Everything starts to go dark and suddenly Lily pressing my neck hardly.

I am screaming because of the pain. However, it keeps me awake. Rudy says

“Don’t hurt her. Please… I will do as you say.. Just don’t hurt her..”

Lily finally says

“Don’t worry! I am only pressing her neck to keep her awake. Otherwise, she would become unconscious. I want her to see with her own eyes what will happen next with you. I want her to see them personally and feel the pain. Handy, kindly serve him well!”

The biggest guy in the room tries to punch Rudy but Rudy knows how to fight. He ducks his head and even punches him back in the face.

Lily speaks again “Ow.. I forgot that little detail! You are a black belt. But let me tell you this, if you start to punch back once, I will press her neck even harder. If you start to punch back twice, I will scar her other parts. I believe that your heart will ache to see your beautiful princess turn into an ugly woman. Will you still love her then? We shall see.”

I open my mouth and speak weakly

“No… Rudy…. No…. Please Lily, don’t hurt him.. He’s not the reason your mother was suffered. Please… Please just let him go..”

She is pressing her hand against my neck and says

“Do you think I am Santa Claus? Let him go! No… But I can promise you this… I won’t let you die very before him.”

The guy named Handy keeps punching Rudy. There’s no greater pain than for me to watch from a distant without doing anything. After a while, another 3 guys start to punch him too. I am begging Lily to stop but she seems to enjoy Rudy’s pain. I really need to think fast. What should I do now to prevent them for hurting Rudy? God.. Please help me..

“Stop!… Stop it!!” I shout my voice loudly to Lily.

 Lily raises her hand and all of them stop to beat Rudy. Finally, I talk to Lily

“I can help you to get back together with Kevin. I will leave him forever. Just stop hurting Rudy.”

“Oh.. how dear?” says Lily.

I can make a call to Kev. I will tell him that I am now together with Rudy. I will make him to eventually hate me.”

Lily is laughing very loud and says

“Do you think I am a fool? Kevin already knew from May’s fault information that you already got back with Rudy. Why do I need you to confirm back to Kevin? Hearing your voice would make Kevin to miss you even more. What would I do that? Why??”

I really don’t know what to do anymore. Finally I am kneeling in front of Lily and says

“Please.. Ask me to do anything but stop beating Rudy. I will do anything you say”

Lily replies back and me and says

“Ckckckck….. I wonder who the person you really love the most is. Is it Kevin or is it Rudy? You seem to care a lot about Rudy. I might think of another way to torture Betty’s favorite’s son. I have tortured him physically and this time I want to torture him mentally. You said it yourself. Anything I say right? You won’t regret it?”

I am looking at Lily sharply and say “Right… Anything…”

“Okay! Open your clothes!” instructs her

What?” I ask her again

“Yes! You heard me! Open up your clothes. Let’s see all the details in your body which had made guys to go crazy. Let us watch. I am sure all my bodyguards would be tempted to touch you.”

I hesitate for a while until Lily gives a code to Handy to punch Rudy again.

“Stop! Ok! I will open them. Just stop hurting him.”

Rudy whispers weakly “Cing, don’t do it…. Cing.. don’t do it…”

I speak to Rudy “Rud, close your eyes. I don’t want you to see this. You know… A girl is happiest when she knows that you make her your everything in front of everyone, every single time. Now, it is my time to pay back your love to me.”

I am starting to unbutton my shirt one by one with tears coming down from my eyes. I know that I wouldn’t forget about this humiliation but I need to do it for Rudy. I can’t see him being hurt because of me again. I am still wearing a tang top inside my shirt. After I put down the shirt on the floor, Lily screams again at me and says

“Now, open up your white tang top! Come on… Don’t be shy!”

Everybody is laughing. I can’t forget all of the bodyguard’s face. Their expressions are frightening me to death.

Suddenly, Lily stops me, laughs and says

“I am changing my mind now. I don’t want you to open the tang top. I want Erick to help you. Erick, please be gently with our princess. You may grope her as you like.”

There’s a guy who walks towards me and tries to undress me. I try to fight him by kicking him and punching him. Rudy is shouting at a distance. He screams

“Lily! I would remember about today! I won’t let you live after this! Erick! If you dare touch her, I won’t let you live once this is over. You have my word that you will die in the most painful death!”

Erick starts to kiss me around my face. He disguises me a lot.

Out of the sudden, there’s a loud bang with many policemen come in to the rescue.

“Raise your hand! All of you!”

Everybody except for Lily and Erick are already locked up by the police. They are pointing a gun directly to each bodyguard. Rudy has gotten help from the police. Now, it’s just Lily who points out a knife at me and Erick who is gripping my neck by his left hand from behind.

Lily says “Let us go or I will kill her.”

Rudy says “Let her go! Lily, it’s over. If you let her go, you will only go to prison. If you kill her, you will be courted against a death sentence. If you let her go, I promise that I will help you by providing the best Attorney to accompany you. Now, let her go!”

I am turning my head to look at Lily. She seems hesitate with her decision At the end, she still says

“Let us go! Back off! Put down all of your guns.”

Suddenly, Christian and Cindy are running to stand beside Rudy. Cindy says

“Lily, let her go! Kevin has already found out that you kidnapped Ruby. You will lose him. Do you want him to hate you even more by killing the girl he loves? Let her go! Everything can be fixed. We can help you find a good Attorney. Let her go.”

Christian is running towards us and stops when Lily points out the knife even closer to my neck.

“Please… Lily, listen to me… Let her go! I can help you.”

She stares at me and says “I am sorry.”

I am looking at Lily and suddenly feel bad for her. I know that she can only choose to stab me in the heart and let me die with her.

There’s a sound of shooting and I am screaming hard. It turns out that there’s a police who shoots Erick from the back. He’s now dead on the floor. Lily is looking at me and says

“I lose. You always got the love from everyone where I got the opposite.”

She is dropping the knife into the ground and grabbing her gun from her pocket. She points the gun straightly to my head.

She says “Don’t worry… The gun is empty… I cannot let you die. I won’t let Kevin to hate me. At least, if I die now, Kevin will choose to remember only the good things about me. Good bye!”

She is pulling the trigger. Out of the sudden, she was fired by many polices. I scream

“No! Don’t shoot her. The gun isn’t loaded… Don’t shoot!”

She is falling down on the ground. I am holding her hand and say

“I won’t tell Kevin about this. He will remember only all the good things about you. Please, you need to hold on.”

She looks at me deeply and says “Thank you” before closing both of her eyes.

Rudy is running towards me and hugs me tightly. He says

“You have scared me to death. Do you know that? Why did you still hold her while she is still having the gun! Please… Don’t scare me like this ever again. Don’t hide things from me. Cing, I just couldn’t lose you!!!!!!! I love you.”

I am smiling to the man who just risked his life for me. I really can feel his love. Who was I really? Why there’s a wonderful man like Rudy who is willing to sacrifice his life for me? I know that perhaps, there’s no one in the world who loves me more than him. He puts his arm around my waist and starts to walk out from the building. Everything is over now. Rudy is fine despites his bruises everywhere and I am still alive. I am looking at Rudy and say

“Thank you for risking your life for me. I understand now that love is not so much remembering what you said 5 years ago, but how you made me see who you truly are today.”

We are both walking slowly as I am looking up to see where we are exactly. It looks like an old warehouse. Out of the sudden, I see that lots of wood blocks are falling down towards us. I am pushing Rudy as hard as I can to save him. Everything went dark again afterwards.

Part 3: My love, my everything (Rudy)

I don’t know what just happened. I am looking back to find Ruby but she has been suppressed by many wood blocks. She must have tried to save me back then. How can she be so stupid? I can only cry and scream for help.

“Anybody! Please help me!! Please help me…”

I couldn’t imagine my life without Ruby. I am sure that she’ll be alright. She will be just fine! She has just escaped from death. She has survived from being kidnapped. Why does this happen to her? I couldn’t let anything bad to happen to her. She is my princess, my everything. She is my future wife!

We are removing all the wood blocks which has pressed all of her body. There is even a giant wood block which hit directly to her head. I can see her covered up in blood from head to toe. This view is my phobia. It’s certainly frightening! However, despites this accident, I can see that something has gone even more wrong. I could see many bloods coming down to her thighs. She is bleeding so badly. It’s like a woman having a miscarriage!

“Cing… wake up.. Cing, what happens with you? Don’t scare me like this.. Cing…”  

I am carrying her immediately and apparently that Cindy has prepared an ambulance earlier. We are going to the hospital as fast as we can. I am sitting inside the ambulance along with Cindy while Christian is driving his car at the back. Cindy says calmly

“Rud, I think it’s better to bring Ruby to a big hospital. I will call the hospital and get the best doctors to take care of her. Her injury looks serious. We can’t risk her life to bring her to the nearest hospital. What do you think?”

I am nodding my head weakly. I can’t think straight at the moment. Cindy is right. We can’t just bring her to any hospital. Afterwards, Cindy is making few calls everywhere. Cing cing is still unconscious lying down with her oxygen mask. The nurse offers to take care of my bruises and injuries. I am waving my hand as a sign to not worry about me. They better concentrate to keep my Cing cing alive. I finally ask the nurse

“What happened to her? Why is she bleeding so badly? Does she need any blood transfusion? Our blood type is the same. You can take mine as much as she needs.”

The nurse says “We can’t make any transfusion while we are still moving on the vehicle. It’s too dangerous. Hopefully, we can save her but it’s very unlikely that we can save the baby. However, we will try to do our best. Sir, you also need to go to the emergency clinic for your injury.”

I am shaking my head. How can the nurse even think about me right now? Cing cing is much more important than me! After an hour, we finally arrive at the hospital. I am shocked to see many Doctors already stand by at the gate to greet us. Cindy is really something. I can even see Prof. Wendy who I remembered to be Anthony’s doctor is already there to see Ruby. Prof. Wendy is running down the hall with the rest of us asking Cindy what happened with Ruby.

Ruby is taken as soon as possible to the operation room. We are sitting outside the room while there’s a nurse who puts a roller bandage on my injury. She even cleans them here on the waiting area just outside the operation room since I don’t want to move everywhere.

Cindy finally asks me how I knew that Ruby was being kidnapped earlier. I finally tell her and Christian everything.

“This morning, I sensed something was wrong with Cing. You know that she could never lie to me. I could read when she’s trying to hide something from me. She might not remember now because she has lost her memory but I always find out when she is lying.”

“When she went to wash the dishes, I read the text message she just received. She told me that it was from Amy. It turned out that it was from Lily. I thought that Lily would only meet up with her to make her give up on Kevin. I let Ruby went to look for her but secretly, I followed her from a distant.”

Cindy speaks up and asks “What happened then?”

“I was so shocked when I saw with my own eyes that two guys were kidnapping her. However, I was too far and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t also report to the police since they have Ruby as a hostage. I wasn’t sure whether it was Lily who kidnapped her or someone who just wants to extort Christian or myself. Therefore, I could only follow them from a distant and call you for a back up.

“What? You called Cindy before?” shouts Christian

“Yes, I did. Your girlfriend is very smart. She is the best personal assistant I have come across in years. I bet that she was the one who even prepared the ambulance. She is very thorough. I am sure that we wouldn’t survive if it wasn’t for her help. Chris, you are lucky to have her by your side.”

Christian says “Please tell me the story from the beginning. Now, I am very confused!”

I am explaining all the details to Christian.

“I told Cindy that I would make a phone call to her if there’s anything dangerous with me. I told her that Ruby was kidnapped and 80% of the criminal was probably Lily. I know that she was seeing Lily. I opened her blackberry phone. I know that the last person who sent her the text was Lily. I told Lily to call Kevin home since he’s the root of the problems. I also gave her a keyword. If I say “run now” on my next call, it means that she needs to trace my car and calls the police immediately. All of our company cars are hijacked with a GPS to prevent any stolen acts from the drivers. Therefore, she can locate me immediately.”

Christian finally replies “Wow! I have got to say that you are very smart. However, I still find that it was a risky move! What if Lily has killed Ruby before the police’s arriving?”

I finally answer back to Christian

“She won’t kill her. She’s is not a killer. But, if Ruby dies, then I can only die with her.  By the way, there’s something that all of you including your sisters should know. Lily is Mr. Wong’s illegitimate daughter. Mr. Wong had an affair with her years ago. That’s the reason why Lily made a move to Kev before. It was only to get to you and come to make revenge to your family. Ruby is the victim. She was picked because all of you have loved her.”

Christian replies “If my love caused Ruby to be in dangerous, perhaps I shouldn’t love her in the first place.”

For the next 15 minutes, I am spending my time to explain what happened back at the dark warehouse to both Cindy and Christian.

Christian finally replies “Both of you are lucky to be alive. I can’t believe that Ruby was even willing to open her clothes rather than to see you hurt. Sometimes, she is very hard to read. I thought Kevin is the one she loves now but why on earth she did all those things for you?”

Cindy finally cuts in and says

“What she did was not to show that she loves Rudy. What she did is to save the man who just risked her life for her. I probably would do the same thing if I was her. But again, any girls would get melt if she saw a prince charming coming to the rescue. Poor Ruby… if I were her, I won’t even know who to choose. All of you have made everything difficult for her. One of you needs to let her go.”

Afterwards, Cindy is busy making some calls and also texting. Sometimes, I have to take my hat off for her. She never stops working.

I am looking at my watch and see that it’s already 12.00 AM. We have been waiting outside the operating room for more than two hours. I wonder what takes so long. Out of the sudden, there’s a doctor coming out from the operation room.

He says “I need the father’s signature to give a permission to abort the baby. We have done all we can but eventually, we cannot save the baby. She’s also severed with a serious head injury. We need to act fast. We can only try to save her life. I am so sorry.”

He points out the pen to me. I am feeling so shocked right now.

Cindy got me to sit down as I am feeling that I am going to pass out soon. So, it’s really true. Ruby is pregnant? How? I don’t know how to respond to the Doctor. I can’t sign it. I know that I am not the baby’s father. However, Ruby’s life is on stake. I am planning to take the phone but out of the sudden, there is a voice behind me who says

“I am the baby’s father. Please do anything to save Ruby.”

Kevin’s here. Now, I know to whom Cindy has been texting for all this time.

Kevin signs the paper immediately. I can see that he has been crying very hard. Cindy comes towards him and put her hand on his shoulder. He is crying out loud with punching his hand hard against the wall. I cannot react as well to what just happened before. I can’t believe that they even have slept together before. The way I am feeling now is I really want to kill Kevin immediately.

Cindy says “Rud, I am sorry. I need to let Kevin know that Ruby was having a miscarriage. The nurse at the ambulance has informed me about this possibility. I am sorry but Kevin deserves to know.”

I begin to stand up and grip his clothes while punching him hard on the face. I can feel that Christian is pulling me from behind.

I shout “You got her into this! You got her to experience this suffer! You!!!! Leave her side voluntarily or I will make you to leave her! How dare you make her upset in Surabaya? She has been crying almost every night since the two of you fight. You got her pregnant and you still hurt her!”

I am losing control and start to hit him repeatedly.

Cindy suddenly shouts “Rudy! This is a hospital! Ruby’s condition is still between life and death. What would she feel if she sees you two fighting like this? Please pull yourself together!!”

I am lowering my hand and Kevin sitting on the floor. He is crying badly. He finally says

“She didn’t tell me. She never tells me that she’s already pregnant! How can she hide this from me? Does she hate me that much? If I knew she’s already pregnant, I would never say those words. I am an idiot!!!!”

Kevin starts to punch his hand to the wall.

Cindy is still staying beside Kevin. I want to tell Kevin that I don’t think that Ruby even knew that she was pregnant. However, I can’t speak another word, not to Kevin. It’s because of him that Ruby’s life was on jeopardy. None of this would happen if it wasn’t for him.

After some times, Cindy told Kevin everything about what happened. She told him every single details including what happened at the dark warehouse. After it all happens, he finally says

“How can I not see it? I should have seen it when Lily was made a move on me for the first time. I can’t forgive myself. Ruby was lucky to get out from this alive.”

Cindy then adds her words by saying

“If it wasn’t for Rudy, I don’t think she still lives until now.”

Kevin is looking at me deeply and says “Thank you for saving her life.”

To be honest, I don’t know what to feel right now but I know that both of us agree that the most important thing is for Cing to get better.

I am turning my body to talk to Christian.

“Chris, please help me to find the best plastic operation surgery for Ruby. She must be very upset with what happened at her neck.”

Chris says “Don’t worry. Cindy has already made some calls about this.”

I am looking to all three of them and say

“Please don’t tell Ruby anything yet about the miscarriage. I don’t think she knew before that she’s already pregnant. Promise me that all of you won’t tell her. Please hold until she is better. I don’t want anything to upset her at the moment.”

All three of them are nodding their head. Honestly, I am afraid that if she finds out that she was carrying Kevin’s child, I would have zero chance to be with her in the future. After this accident, I won’t act soft anymore. I will do anything to have Ruby by my side. 

We all stay at the hospital for the whole night except for Cindy. Even though I am tired as hell, I still cannot rest my eyes for even a minute. I am just too scared to miss out Cing cing’s news. Finally, at 04.00 AM, all the doctors are going out the operation room. They are telling specifically about Cing cing’s condition. Apparently, they did a head operation for her. Thank is what taking so long all this time. In conclusion, she will be fine but she will need to stay at the hospital for a while.

We all walk Cing cing to her room. I have specifically asked the nurse to provide her with the best room available. I ask both Christian and Kevin to go home but they don’t want to leave her side.

Christian says “Please let me stay by her side until she awakes. I am still worried about her. Don’t worry! I only love her as a sister right now. You don’t have to worry. Ruby also knew that I have grown to care to somebody else.”

I am nodding my head. I know that the person must be Cindy. They do look good together. We all stay inside the hospital room waiting for Cing cing to wake up. Christian has fallen asleep. Kevin and I have said nothing for the past few hours. Finally, he says something to me

“I won’t give up on her. I know that you have risked your life for Ruby but I just can’t give her up. I can give away everything for you. I know that I owe you too much. You saved Ruby. But, I couldn’t give Ruby up for you. I will apologize and make everything right with her.”

Before I could respond anything to what Kevin said, I can see that Ruby’s right hand is moving. I am taking her hand and whisper “Cing… How are you feeling now? You are okay. You are saved!”

Kevin is standing on the other side of the bed. She opens her eyes slowly and finally looks at me.

She says “I am okay. The only part that hurts is only my head.”

I reply “It’s ok. You just had an operation. I will call the nurse to come as soon as possible.”

She is gripping my hand and says “Please wait… Rud, I remember everything about us. I know who I really am now. I am in fact Ruby. I truly remember everything.”

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Episode 18: A Life Choice (Ruby)

Part 1: A Fight

Kevin doesn’t look happy at all when I said “We need to talk”. He looks abysmal. He replies back

“It’s okay. You can take a shower first before we talk. You look tired.”

I am walking towards him and sit on the couch beside him. I start to speak out what I have been feelings for the past few weeks.

“Kev, I already knew the truth since few days ago. I chose to ignore them because I love you too much. However, the more I ignored them, the clearer everything was fallen into place and I cannot choose to be blind and avoid all the bitter facts. I actually saw the fight you had with Rudy, I have dreamt about many of my past memories. I have also found out about Anthony even though I am still not clear about him. The worst thing for me is knowing that you have been deceived me all along. It turns out that we were not lovers in the past. I don’t understand… How could you do this to me?”

I couldn’t continue to talk more as tears are beginning to fall down my cheek. I don’t know what to do. Our love is real but I can’t continue to live in denial. If Rudy was right, I shouldn’t be together with Kev in the first place. Kevin hasn’t said anything yet. He just looks at me and says nothing. I continue to raise my voice

“Kev, what strikes me the most is why did you tell me that I am an orphan? Both of my parents are still alive and you have kept them away from me. Do you have any idea how I would feel to know that I still have my parents? It’s bad enough that I don’t remember them let alone living for the past two years as if they were already dead.”

I am crying even harder and he is reaching and trying to hug me. He says

“Liv, don’t cry… I am sorry. I am so sorry. Please….”

I am pushing him away from me. My emotion is bursting out even more. He still even calls me with my fake name. I don’t want to be someone’s doll anymore, I want to be myself. I am Ruby.

“Don’t call me Liv! It’s never my name. You told me my name’s Livia where in fact my real name is Ruby. Kev, I tried to see it from your perspective; I have tried not to judge you from all of this. I have given you a chance to explain your reasons to me. But, you never have the courtesy to tell me the truth!!! Why did you lie to me?”

Kev replies “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just want you to be happy. It’s better for you not knowing about the truth. You will be happier that way.”

I can stand it. Until now, Kevin still excused his lie on behalf of my happiness. Even if it was all true, I should be the decision maker of my life not anybody else. I continue to scream while crying

“No! I don’t think I want to wait anymore. Please Kev, for once tell me the truth..”

Kev finally opens his mouth and says

“Okay! If you must know, I didn’t just lie to you. I made so many mistakes beside that! I have broken my promise to a dying person, I had deceived my only best friend in the entire world, and I have even ignored my conscience by hiding you from everyone. I told you that we were lovers where we were never been more than friends before you lost your memory. That’s the truth!”

We don’t speak another word for a while. After a few minutes, I ask “Why?”

“It’s because I fell in love with you in a hard way. It’s a love that I never knew existed in this cruel world. I love you so much Ruby and until this very minute I really want you to be my wife forever. I am so selfish even right now I want to tell you that I won’t let go of you under any circumstances. You are the only one I won’t choose to live my life without.

I raise my voice again and say “Is this the way you love somebody Kev? By deceiving her?”

“Please, let me explain to you from the beginning.” Replies Kev.

After standing up, I choose to sit again and say calmly “Okay! You have 10 minutes.”

“I have fallen in love with you since you were only 16 but you had Roy, your first boyfriend. After a while, he left you because of your family were broke. You were so sad and I came over to Indonesia to make a move on you. However, you already had someone who loves you more than anything in the world. It’s Anthony, your playmate since you were even born. How can I compete myself with him? He loved you even he’s willing to put every aspects of his life on hold for you. I didn’t love you as much as he did back then. Later on, I came back to Sydney and was in a relationship with someone else named Lily. We lost contact for a few years when she left me due to her illness.”

He continues to tell his story

“Three years ago, you came again into my life. I didn’t have a strong feeling when you first came to Sydney. I adored you but my heart was still broken because Lily left me with Roy. My heart was full of hatred. You began to slowly fall in love with my best friend named Christian. I helped the two of you a lot to admit both of your feelings. I thought that the two of you could heal your heart by having each other. I thought Chris could give you a better life because you were hurt badly when Rudy left you. Rudy was your second boyfriend and probably the first mature relationship you ever had. You were so in love with Rudy. When he left you to Germany or even got your heart broken to pieces because he wanted to marry someone else, you were running away from the reality.”

“I think that was the reason you came to Sydney in the first place. I have known Chris for many years because he’s the only best friend I have. Chris was a spoilt, play boy, and even childish but I saw with my own eyes how you turned him into a man. On the other way, Chris was also able to heal your broken heart. The uptight girl who rarely made a joke can finally able to laugh again. Back then, you were very cautious to open up your heart. But, Christian healed your heart slowly. Because of you, I also found out that Lily left me to sacrifice herself for my happiness. I chased her back and tried to hide my feelings for you even though I had started to like you very much. We lived together for a couple of months and you made me in love with you slowly but in a way that I could never love someone other than you ever again.”

I am listening to him attentively as I really want to know what happened next.

“You came back to Indonesia because your father was ill. You were already in a relationship with Christian. The two of you opened up your feelings on the day you were leaving. However, everything had to change when Anthony was ill. You decided to leave Christian for Anthony.”

“After a while, you even realized that you have loved Anthony all these years, a love that is more than just a play mate or brothers. I can’t describe the relationship between you and Anthony in words. The bottom line, you two couldn’t survive without one another. You love each other deeply so deep that I couldn’t think that one of you can live without each other. After he died, you chose to end your life even though I tried to change you for a year. I failed and finally got you hit by a car. When you lost your memory, I thought it was a good chance for you to re start your life. I want you to be happy again. I don’t want to see you live your life in depression and mourn every single day.”

I cannot express my words. I just sit tight and don’t know how to react to his explanation. The thing is I don’t know how much I love Anthony, Rudy, Christian or even the other guy. The only person I know is Kevin. I have no recollections of them. I may have remembered some things about Rudy but it’s nothing compare to what we have spent with each other for the last two years.

Who do I love truly? Even if I recall back my memory, I am not sure that I know which guy I love the most. It seems that I have had a deep relationship with most of them. What should I do? I don’t want to make a mistake and hurt any of them, especially Kevin. What if I regain my memory and find out that I don’t love Kev at all. He would even feel more devastated.

“Kev, I think I want us to live separately. You can stay here. I will try to look for another place to live temporarily in Surabaya. After my job’s done here, I will move back to Jakarta to find out who I really am. I hope that you can support my decision.”

Kevin looks at me, takes my hand, hugs me tightly and says

“Honey, did you remember about that night? You said that it only takes 1 me to bring out 1000 memories. How come that you have to change now? You said that everyone else doesn’t matter much beside me. You said that you don’t need to remember your past. You also made a promise that you will forgive me no matter what. Why did you still choose to leave me? We have spent a night together; we have committed to get married in a few months. Does it really have to change?”

Suddenly, I am feeling hurt. I even start to think whether he had tricked me to sleep together because he was afraid of losing me to Rudy. Did he do that to keep me at his side when I find out about the truth? I thought we did that because we truly love each other. How can he think that I haven’t forgiven him?”

I have forgiven him! I am now choosing to move out and making a distant with him because I am afraid that he might get hurt if it turns out that I never love him once I regain my memory back. I try to speak calmly but my voice tends to rise again. I need to know why we slept together that night. That night was very important to me.

“Kev, why did you choose that night to make love with me that particular night? We’ve been living together for the past two years but you never made a move before even though you had plenty of opportunities. Tell me honestly. Why did you choose that night specifically?”

Kev just sits tight and doesn’t say a word. He looks confuse. Finally he says

“What do you mean by saying it specifically?”

I am losing my patient and probe

“Is it because you met Rudy earlier in the afternoon? Was it the reason why you chose to consummate me that night?”

He is shaking his head and tries to touch my face with both of his hand. I continue to yell

“Were you afraid that I would remember anything about Rudy so you chose to have me first? Was it like that? Tell me honestly Kev. For this, I couldn’t bear to know nothing but the truth!”

Kev kneels in front of me while I am sitting on the couch. He says

“Of course not! Why did you think that way? No! I did that with you because I love you so much. I wouldn’t just trick you and get you into bed. I would never sleep with strangers. I haven’t even slept with Lily before even though we were in a relationship for few years. You are my first and my last.”

I am asking him again “Then, why did it have to be that night?”

Kevin whispers slowly

“I am sorry. I might have scared because Rudy was interfering with our lives. My fear may have driven me to have you completely. But Rub, you need to know that everything I did, I do and I will do in the future, they are all because I love you so much, nothing else. I know that you are very angry at the moment but please believe me that my love for you is always real! If I can turn back time, I wouldn’t have done it any differently. We did it because we love each other very much!”

Finally, I am responding to what Kev by saying

“Kev, if this is how you will love me, maybe I don’t want it anymore. I cannot continue living my life like this. I saw Rudy and how he has suffered because you have hid me from him. I am not sure whether my family has also been dealing with the same grief. Now, I even want to go back to Jakarta as soon as possible. I want see everyone who has loved me. I want to live my old life again. I know that this is not who I really am.”

Kevin stands up. He looks very angry. He grabs my hand and says

“So, who is the real you? The depressing you, the mourning you? Tell me Rub! Is this just a reason because you want to get back together with the love of our life? I know that you have fallen for Rudy during the past few days. I saw you’re the way you looked at him. You cared for him! Rudy is living next door now. Maybe, you should move in there and live together with him. Don’t make an excuse that you want to see your family instead. Isn’t living together with Rudy is what you really want?”

I am looking at him in the eye. The last words he just said really hurt my heart badly. It’s like having a knife stabs right into my heart. I can’t believe that my Kevin has the heart to say stuffs like this. I want to make him upset by saying yes but I am afraid to lose him. I can’t even start to hate him. Why is it so hard to make a distant with Kev? I Maybe it’s for a fact that for the past two years, we were all each other have. But, how could he say something like that? I have lived in denial for him and even though I found out about the truth earlier, I still chose to be with him. My tears start to fall down again and this time is a tear of pain. He has hurt me officially.

I look at him and finally say my decision slowly

“If that’s what you want, fine! I will move now and ask Rudy to bring me back to Jakarta. I will pack my things and leave first thing in the morning. If you think of me that way, then I shall leave soon.”

I am walking fast towards my room and suddenly Kevin is running towards me and hugs me tightly from behind. He says

“Ruby, please… I am sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Don’t keep me away from you. I love you… If you want to go back to Jakarta, let me accompany you. I love you so much… I am sorry…. Anything you want but please… don’t go alone…”

I let go of his hand and say coldly to him for the very first time.

“Kev, love is made by trust, respect, and caring. I don’t know whether I can trust you at this point. I cannot live my life happily with you while knowing that others live their life miserably because of my choice. I have heard you loud and clear before. I know what you truly think of me. Maybe we should take a break.”

He hugs me tighter and says

Please…  I am sorry. I lost control of myself. I cannot lose you… I don’t want to take a break… Honey, when you think you’re not happy with your life, always thinks that someone is happy simply because you exist. That someone is me.”

The tears keep falling down to my cheek. I can feel his despair. I really want to stay and continue to live my happy life with him and not caring about anyone else. But, I know that I have to be strong. I cannot keep hurting anybody else who also loves me like Rudy. I need to repay their kindness. What about my parents? They might live in such a pain, waiting that their daughter to come home. Maybe this fight happens for a good reason. I know we are both hurt but I cannot choose to be this selfish. Deep inside my heart, I really want to kiss him and say that he is the only one I need but that won’t be the right thing to do. I have to lie to Kev for the first time. I need to make him suspect that he had made me angry by asking me to live with Rudy.

I am wiping my tears and turn my body around to look coldly into his eyes

“Sorry, I will go back to Jakarta as soon as possible. Please don’t ask me to stay because it will only make everything harder than it already is. I just want you to know that it hurts my feeling when you said that the real I may want to move and live together with Rudy instead of you. You made everything that I have been through to seem worthless. Maybe you were right! Maybe Rudy was really the love of my life. Kev, I can’t stand that for a fact you made a mistake and now you even blame me for it. Please make some distance with me first. I want to find out who I really am.”

He runs towards me, hugs me and whispers

“Rub, do you still love me?”

I look at him deeply. I want to say yes out loud but I choose to remain silent and walk away to my room. My heart wants to shout I love you 10.000 times but I choose to keep silent.  

Part 2: A Misunderstanding

I am lying down on my bed and crying hysterically. I am afraid that this is it for me and Kev. I know that I am taking such a hug risk by gambling on our relationship. In my eyes, if our love is meant to be, then it will eventually find a way for us to get back together. Leaving him and be with my family is just something that I have to do. If he truly loves me, I am hoping that he’ll wait for me.

I start to pack up my things into two large suitcases. One suitcase is filled with my cloth and other suitcase is filled with all the stuffs Kevin gave for me. I couldn’t just leave it here. They mean a lot to me.

I couldn’t fall asleep until the very morning. I am looking at my watch and it’s pointed at 07.00 AM. I wonder whether Rudy has feeling any better since yesterday. I am taking a shower and pulling out my two large suitcases with me. If possible, I want to go back to Jakarta and meeting my family today.

I open my bedroom door and see that Kevin’s sleeping on the couch. He must have been here all night. I am gathering all of my bravery to walk out from our apartment. I start walking through the door but couldn’t help myself to leave him without saying good bye. I kneel on the carpet beside the couch, caress his hair and kiss his forehead and mouth. I can see that he is still sleeping. I whisper

“I love you….” 

I am finally able to stand and walk my feet and continue walking. Suddenly, he is blocking my way and standing in front of me. He grabs my hand tightly and says

“Please don’t go! I know that you still love me. Just tell me… How can I make you stay? How can I make you to forgive what I have done to you? Please…. Just stay… ”

I am looking at the man I love the most. My walls are starting to crumble. I couldn’t make another defensive action to walk away from him. I am standing still. Through his eyes, I can sense that he’s begging me to stay. I finally talk to him after a few minutes of silence

“I am sorry but I have to go. There’s nothing you can do to make me stay.”

He replies “Tell me your real reason to leave me…. Is this because you are touched by what Rudy has done for you? Is he your real reason to leave? Tell me yes and I will let you go.”

I want to turn my body around and say no. I want to let him know that he’s the only one I love in my heart. No, Rudy is never my reason to leave. I can see Rudy’s pain, I am truly touched for everything but the reason I leave is to see my family.

Out of the sudden, I can hear that somebody’s knocking on the door. Kevin lets go of my hand and opens the door. It turns out that it’s Rudy.

He is still wearing his pajama and says

“Cing, I am so worried when I woke up and didn’t see you beside me. I thought that you….”

Rudy is really coming in a bad time. Everything will be so hard to explain clearly right now. I really don’t want to cause any misunderstanding between the three of us. I already have enough problems to deal with the unknown past I haven’t yet to know. Kevin suddenly pulls out Rudy’s collar and says

“Get away from her! I won’t let you take her away from me.”

He starts to punch Rudy in the face. I am pulling out his hands and things are getting out of control. I couldn’t even get him to be civil. Kevin screams

“Why do you have to do this? Why do you always want to take her away from me? Have you done enough to hurt her in the past? I know that I have deceived her by saying that we were lovers but at least I would never leave her like you did before!”

I remember that Rudy is still sick and I don’t want to cause any more pain in his life. Kevin continues to hit Rudy for several times. He doesn’t even fight back. I know that he’s too weak to even stand up. I try again to pull Kevin away from Rudy but his strength is just too strong for me. Finally, I am slapping him in his right face for the very first face. I scream back at Kevin in order to make him stop this brutality.

“Rudy never asks me to leave you. It’s me who wants to leave. Do you understand? I want to see my family; I want to go back to my old life! It’s all my decision, never his”

I know that I must have hurt him badly by slapping his face in front of Rudy. However, I don’t know how to take out the blame from Rudy at this moment. I never saw Kevin reacting this way before. Finally, he looks at my eyes sharply and says

“Honey, I want you to choose. It’s either me or him! If you choose to walk away now, you are walking out of me and it means we are over. I won’t bother you again and you won’t have me in your life ever again. If you choose to go with Rudy, it means that you are choosing him instead of me. Think about it and choose. I won’t force you to stay anymore. I have done enough begging.”

He is craning his hand and when I turn my head to see Rudy, he is also doing the same thing.

Rudy finally says something after Kevin’s ultimatum before.

“All my life, I have waited for you to stay beside me. For the past few weeks, seeing you with Kevin has ripped my heart apart. I miss you, but I’m trying not to care. I love you, but I’m trying not to show. I want you, but what can I do when you are not even mine? Please choose to go with me because everything in my life reminds me of you. You are truly my everything.”

I know that I want to choose Kev but I need to leave him temporarily. But, I need to see my family. Maybe, it’s better to leave Kev with this misunderstanding for a while. I need him to let me go temporarily. If he truly loves me, I can only hope that he is willing to wait for me to come back.

I walk towards Rudy, turn my head to Kev and say

Don’t judge me for my choices when you don’t understand my reasons. I can see why you forced me to choose but it’s not a matter of who do I choose but what do I have to do for now. I just wish that you can understand.”

Rudy is helping me to get my luggage and Kev says his last words to me that day

“I was wrong. I thought that you loved me. I thought our relationship is like Tom and Jerry. No matter how many times we fight, we won’t be apart. It turns out you are choosing the wealthy General Manager instead of the poor fiancé you have loved for the past two years. I was wrong!”

Rudy replies back to Kevin and say

“Don’t you talk about her like that! She’s not what you said she is. If you don’t watch out what you are saying, I won’t hesitate to hurt you.”

Rudy finally tries to punch Kev in the face but he’s too weak.

I shout to the both of them and say “Enough! Both of you, please stop it!”

I am looking deeply to Kevin. Part of me still wants to stay. I turn my head to look at Rudy and reevaluate all the things. Finally, I choose to walk away from Kevin. I don’t dare to look back at Kevin and see his expression. We continue to walk, turn right and finally reach Rudy’s apartment.

Before he can say anything, I want to explain things out clearly with Rudy. I don’t want him to misunderstand with what happened earlier.

“Rud, I want to explain something. I am going with you not because I don’t love Kev anymore and thus, choosing you at the end. It’s never like that. I still love him very much. I just want to see my family and only you can help me to see them. I am sorry if my decision back at the apartment made you misunderstands.”

Rudy is looking back at me and says

“Yes, I know and I don’t care. I am just glad that you are here beside me. When do you want to go back to Jakarta? I can arrange it for you.”

“As soon as possible after you get better of course… I want you to get well first. Rud, can I ask you something?”

“Yes dear… ask away…”

Why you never give up on me after all this time even though I don’t remember who you are?

He replies “Because your smile is the only smiles which can make me to smile back at someone.”

I know that tears are starting to fall down on my cheek. I am feeling sad, touch and desperate at the same time. Why my real life turns out to be so complicated than I have expected?

We spend the day by rarely talking to each other. Rudy has been making a lot of phone calls to the person named Cindy and try to arrange everything in Jakarta. He just told me that he has arranged everything including informing my family about my arrival in Jakarta. We are flying back to Jakarta tomorrow.

To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking about Kevin. My entire mind is wondering about him. What is he doing at the moment? Is he okay? Does he miss me?

I know that I miss him so much. I have been looking at my phone waiting for him to call me or at least send me a text, but I have received none so far. I still remember when he said that we are over if I chose to walk away from him. My heart is broken. Is this the end of our love story? Is this it?

Tomorrow morning, Rudy is taking me to the airport where I am riding a plane for the first time. He told me that I have been flying a lot before and it shouldn’t be a problem since I don’t have a fear of height. I am following Rudy wherever I go since I am not familiar with all the process. I sent a text to Kev this morning at 05.00 AM letting him know that I am going back to Jakarta today. After a few hours, he still doesn’t send me a reply.

Now is finally a time for us to go to the boarding gate as it’s already last minute. Deep down in my heart, I know that there’s no use to wait for Kev anymore. I already knew this morning that he wouldn’t come. I must have hurt him badly when he thought that I have chosen Rudy over him. If only he believes that my love is only for him. If only if he knew……….. What I truly feel about him. Suddenly, my phone beeps and it turns out that there’s a text message from Kev. It reads

“Ruby, yes… I finally call you with your real name. I have been lying to myself that you can forgive whatever I have done due to our love. I was wrong. Now, I am freeing you to go. At the same time, I am also freeing myself. I contacted my friend Christian to send over my passport to Surabaya. I will go back to my old life in Sydney. Now, everything is fallen back into place. You will be with your friends and family and I will be with mine as well. Everyone already know that you are coming back home and I believe that All of them and Rudy especially will take a great care of you. I am sorry for everything and I hope that you can truly find your happiness with Rudy.”

Part 3: A Fly Away Back Home

I am reading his text message over and over again. I cannot believe that he chose to go back to Sydney and leave me. I can only cry and cry. Why do I have to choose between the man I love and the family who loves me their entire life? This is not fair.

Rudy asked what happened and I couldn’t do anything except to show him the text message. He puts his hand around my shoulder and whispers that I am doing the right thing by coming home.

I spend most of my journey by locking myself inside the plane’s bathroom and crying. The bathroom is unbelievably small which I never would have suspected before. I am still thinking about Kevin and how I don’t want to end things with Kevin. I don’t want him out of my life. God, how can I let him know that I still love him? Even though I am saying it out loud in front of his face, he might not believe after what I did back at the apartment when walking away from him with Rudy. I don’t understand why for him, it’s either him or anyone else. Why can he understand that I can’t just erase all the people in my life?

“Kev, I am sorry.. If only you can understand my heart… It always belongs to you…” says my heart.

I suddenly have a vision about someone who said to me once that “In life, we’ve lived, we’ve loved, we’ve lost, we’ve missed, we’ve hurt, we’ve trusted, we’ve made mistakes, but most of all, we’ve learned. None of us can’t never experience love without enduring pain.”

I wonder who the person is and why I can remember what he said a long time ago.

We finally arrive at Jakarta and I can see that they are already many people waiting for me at the arrival hall. From the pictures Rudy showed to me last night, I can see both of my parents. The old man which looks like my father hugs me tightly and says

“Welcome home. Where have you been? Why didn’t you call us all this time? We have been worried sick about you.”

He’s pointing to the rest of people who also greet me at the airport. This is mom. Beside her is your elder brother, Eason. This is Christian and his secretary, Cindy and also his sister, June. You have stayed with them for a year when you were in Sydney. They have been tried to search for you everywhere. These are your friends; Amy, Matthew and Karen. You have known them for a long time. This is your baby sitter since you were born, this is grandma. You were close to her. She has cried for everyday since you were missing. Last but not least, this is Anthony’s mother.

I am looking at them one by one and I don’t recognize any of them. All of them look like strangers to me. Suddenly, my mom asks me:

“What’s wrong Ruby? Don’t you remember any of us?”

I am shaking my head. Suddenly, there’s a younger man who I think is Christian hugs me tightly. I can’t even breathe. He says enthusiastically

“Rub, I can’t believe when Cindy told me. You are finally here. This is what I have been praying all along. You are really here. God has given me one more chance to be with you. You are here.”

He is hugging me even more tightly. I try to push him away but his grip is too strong. Finally, I am trying to step on one of his foot. He lets go of the hug and I run to stand behind Rudy as soon as possible. The guy named Christian still chased me and says

“Rub, what’s wrong? I won’t hurt you. Why are you scared to see me? I am Christian.”

I am still standing and trying to hind behind Rudy. Rudy finally says

“She doesn’t remember anything in the past except for the last two years of her life which she has spent without any of us. Please give her some space and try not to scare her.”

My mother approaches me and takes my hand. She says

“Let’s go home. We will take you home. Everybody has been worried sick.”

I am looking at Rudy and wonder whether he will accompany me to go home. I know that I am acting childish but he’s the only one I know at the moment. Kevin is no longer here. I know that all of these new people are here for me and perhaps, they loved me in the past. But, I cannot just trust a person within a second. Even with Rudy, it took me a long process for me to believe everything he said.

“Are you coming with me? Will you stay with us?” ask me to Rudy.

Rudy looks back at me and says “Do you wish me to go with you?”

I am looking at him and say “Please….”

He is taking my hand and now we are holding hand in hand. Suddenly, there’s a girl who I remember my mother mentioned to be my best friend pulls away my hand shouts and points her finger directly to Rudy’s face.

“You leave her alone! How dare you hide her from us? You should have told us weeks ago. I won’t let you to come with us. Ruby, this guy has made your life miserable. You missed your chance with Anthony because of him. You got your heart broken because of him. You went on an extreme diet because of him. You operated your face because of him. You even went back to Sydney and met with my cousin because of him. He has made you cried for days. He cheated on you when he went to Germany. He can’t be trust! If you don’t believe me, do ask Matthew. I wish Anthony’s here to tell you everything. You can forget about anyone but you can’t forget about Anthony.”

A guy named Matthew walks towards me and says

“Rub, you have to maintain your distance with Rudy. He has left you twice. He might leave you again in the future. He doesn’t deserve you.”

I am now feeling even more confused. It seems that everybody thinks that I am with Rudy now. Also, everybody seems doesn’t like him at all. I am looking at my mother and I can see that from her expression, she doesn’t expect any of this. I am looking again to all the people, trying to get the slightest memory of them but failed. Why I can only get a flash back when I was with Rudy?

He clearly means more than the rest of the people who have made an effort to welcome me. I remember that I got some vision even on the first day when I met Rudy. He looked so familiar when the rest of them do not get me chills. However, I think I need to point out that I am not with Rudy at the moment to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. I speak my words to the girl.

“Sorry…. But, I think you have misunderstood. Rudy and I are not together. I have been engaged with Kevin. We have lived together for the past two years. You don’t have to worry about Rudy hurting me. It won’t happen because I don’t feel for him that way.”

She pulls my right hand and says

“What did you say? You are with Kevin? How? It’s not possible! No….. He’s not the right guy for you. Did you know they he left his girlfriend when she was ill with cancer? He dumped her on the day she visited Kevin to Indonesia. She stayed for a few days at my place. I know what kind of guy Kevin is. He is a player! Where is he now?”

I know that there are much more important history that I haven’t got from both Kevin and Rudy. They only had told me the important highlights from their points of view.

“Don’t worry. I am a big girl. Even though I still don’t remember what happened earlier, I know who truly loves me and genuine to care for me. I don’t like it when you talked bad thing about my fiancé. You may be my good friend but you shouldn’t judge him as a player.”

She continues to argue “But…..”

I raise my hand to my new friend. I know that I can collect some information from her but I cannot just trust her with verifying the fact.

Christian then speaks up again

“If you insist to bring Rudy to come home with you, then I will also come and join you. I want to protect you. No one can hurt you when I am around.”

A girl who I remember my mother said to be Christian’s sister jumps in into the conversation

“No. It’s not even possible. Don’t forget that you are a President Director now. You have a huge responsible. Our company is already one man short with Rudy’s accompanying Ruby to her home. You should stay in Jakarta instead. I am sure that Rudy will take a good care of Ruby.”

She is turning her head to look at me and say

“Ruby, do you really not remember any of us? Please look at me and try to remember. We used to live together for a year in Sydney. You used to cook for me.”

I am trying to look at Christian and his sister deeply but no flash back so far. I am shaking my head again and she finally whispers something to her secretary. I remember that the girl is in fact the same girl who I saw earlier in Surabaya at night when she visited Rudy.

Cindy smiles at me and says “Welcome back Ruby. I hope that you are feeling better now.”

“Thank you” says I politely.

I am thinking about all the things that it’s really weird. Why I cannot remember anything at the moment. Rudy finally takes my hand again and says to everybody

“Ruby is tired. We shall go home first and discuss everything later.”

Everyone finally agrees and we finally walk away from the airport. I chose to ride Rudy’s car along with his driver and also my mother who sits beside me. I don’t know why but I don’t want to let go of Rudy’s hand at this time. I am scared to be around strangers who know me well but on the other hand, I don’t know any of them. I can’t differentiate which of them who really were close to me before. For the first time, I am really scared.

“Kevin, where are you now? I miss you so much…”

Part 4: A New Home

I have been staying in my new house for several days now. We live out of town around 4 hours from Jakarta airport. Rudy has been staying with me for all this time. To be honest, I don’t like living in this house at all. So many observant, so many commentators, and even my big family saw me weirdly. I found out that I in fact have a big family with more than 16 Uncles and Aunts and plenty of cousins and nephews. Many of my Aunts have visited me for the past few days. One of them, you can tell that she hates me a lot. I don’t need my memory back to reconfirm this fact. Just by the way she looked at me, talked to me and “interrogated” my mother, I can know for a fact that she is my “evil” Aunt. On the other hand, I realize that I have one good hearted Aunt who donated many of her fortune for unfortunate children. She even took me yesterday to visit an orphan. For the first time in a week, I can be myself when playing with those children.

Fortunately, Rudy knows my family very well. He has told me who really care for me and who have faked all along and see me as a weird insect. During the past few days, I have been getting many more visions about Rudy. He came to my room at one night and my vision shown me that we kissed before inside this same room.

Out of the sudden, there’s a knock on my door and I am telling who ever the person is to come in. It turns out that it was my “fierce” friend from the airport named Amy. She came along with Rudy.

I am sitting on my bed and they sit together on my couch. She finally says

“I have decided to tell you every detail I know about you. This includes your love life with the three men I know. They are Anthony, Rudy and my cousin Christian. I don’t care whether Rudy will hate me because of this. Please listen because I find this important.”

She starts to tell the story of how I had a best friend named Anthony. She also spills every single detail about how I met Rudy, how we got together, how we broke up before and how miserable I was when I thought that he got a girl pregnant before. Then, she told me about Christian and how I fell for him during my trip to Sydney. She also pointed out that I never have any love history with Kevin before. At the end, she told me how I was devastated when apparently my husband Anthony died on our wedding day. Suddenly, I stop her

“That part, I knew. I had a dream about how it happened. I saw the wedding in my dream. Did I love him so much?”

“Yes you did and I think that you still do and you will always do. I know that it’s not fair for me to say this but you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you still figure out your true feelings with Anthony and you really sure that you have gotten over him. You don’t remember anything about him now but I bet with my own life that you would regret to make any decision without remembering him first.”

Amy sounded very serious when she mentioned about Anthony. Perhaps, there’s something into it than meets the eye. She continues to give her advice.

“Rub, you should have waited in the first place. You shouldn’t be together with Kevin. I was shocked when I heard that you two were engaged. Later on, I found out from Rudy that Kevin has deceived you for the past two years and finally I can understand why. Kev never told you about your true past. Didn’t you see? He tried to make you as his puppet.”

My tears begin to fall down and Rudy suddenly speaks

“I don’t think Kev tried to make Cing a puppet. That’s a strong accusation. Don’t forget that he had stayed at her side, day and night for a year after Anthony’s dead. He has loved her all along even when she was with Roy. It’s just when Cing lost her memory, it drove him to make a decision to finally act. He didn’t longer feel the competition. My guess is at the time, he finally realized how much he loves her. Amy, I truly believe that everything he did was due to love not out of love.”

Finally, I can open my mouth and say

“Amy, my brain is maybe empty with memories but my heart is not blind. I know about sincerity and love. I appreciate you for telling me all of this. To be honest, I couldn’t feel the pain when you talked about when Rudy left me or when Anthony died before. I just couldn’t. All I can feel at the moment is that Kevin is the person I love and miss right now. Please give me some time to digest everything.”

Amy tries to talk back but Rudy makes a gesture to stop her from saying anything more.

We all spend the rest of the day by having dinner with the rest of the family. I don’t know how I can be friends with Amy before since I never had any girl friend for the past two years. After dinner, I invite Amy to sleep in my room. I want to know about our friendship. Perhaps, she can also fill me in about other important details.

We talked for hours last night and nothing was new except that I got to know about the friendship I had with her, Karen and the guy named Matthew. The other thing that stroked me last night was about Lily (Kevin’s ex girlfriend). Amy said that Lily was staying a few days with her. She mentioned that Lily hated me so much for what Kevin did to her. She thought that I was the cause of their break up. One of the extreme incident was she did torn up all of my photographs in Amy’s apartment. Thus, Amy cannot bring them now to remind me about our friendship. Nevertheless, after hearing Amy’s explanation, I can’t really blame her for what she did. I may also be furious if I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a year and all I got is from him that he already fell for somebody else and dumped me as soon as I arrive. I couldn’t believe that Kev could treat a girl this cruel.

Amy went back in the morning since she has to go back to Jakarta to work. She even offered me to come back working at her company and apparently to work under the boss who used to adore me very much. I want to come back to work since I also have nothing to do at home. However, when we brought out the topic to Rudy, he disagrees right away. He said that he wants me to come and work with him instead.

Afterwards, Rudy is asking me to accompany him to go somewhere. He says that it’s an important place for me in the past. On the way, he is asking me the subject I’ve been avoided to remember.

“Have you been in touched with Kevin lately?”

I am looking at Rudy and shaking my head bitterly.

“I have sent him many texts but he has switched off his mobile. The last thing I know is he told me that he wanted to go back to Sydney.”

“Are you okay? I know you must have missed him a lot. Do you want me to check? I can ask somebody to track where he is.”

I am glancing at the guy beside me and fully understand why I used to fell for him before. He’s sincere in so many ways. I know that he still loves me but he’s still willing to help me find Kevin.

We finally arrive at a beautiful hill which looks like a nice holiday spot for family. It has a lake. The weather is lovely. It’s very unlike Surabaya which tends to be hot during day and night. I am walking towards the lake to play with the water. It’s so cold.

Out of the sudden, I am having so many visions after touching the water. All the visions are glancing at the same time. The vision when I was a child playing with an older boy, the vision when a guy and I kissed each other which looks like after a marriage proposal. I am sitting on the grass and suddenly remember that this is the place I’ve been dreaming all along. I know that the little boy and the handsome guy must be Anthony. I am having more visions about lying on the same grass at night looking at the stars with him. I remember the fireworks and how warm we used to hug each other. Amy is right. Anthony is really important to me.

I am taking Rudy’s hand and say

“Please… help me to remember about Anthony. Bring me to the place I used to have all memory with him. I want to remember him.”

We are planning to leave the place since the clouds become grayer. The grass is a bit slippery and hence Rudy is holding my hands to walk with me. I am seeing a big tree on the top of the hill. It captures me and draws me to go there.

“Can we make a stop and sit near the tree first?” I ask Rudy.

“Sure.” He replies

We are walking towards the tree and it’s very hard for me to hike since the grass is slippery. Suddenly, my ankle slips and I am falling down, rolling on the grass. I feel like Rudy is shouting, hugging, and rolling along with me until we finally stop. I feel so dizzy. Rudy is on top of me and says

“Are you okay? What do you feel? Please tell me. Are you hurt?”

I am looking deeply into his eyes and having another vision similar to this. I remember that the exact same thing happened to us only that we kissed back then. Rudy’s face is getting closer to me and I am seeing so many visions or maybe flash backs about the two of us. Finally, I dare myself to ask the most awkward request to anyone. I ask him to kiss me and hope that I could remember some more.

“Rud, kiss me.”

His eyes look deeper into mine. I am closing my eyes and feel that his mouth is touching mine. I don’t response back to his kiss but I only hope that I can get more visions about our past. However, none have come so far. It doesn’t work. I try to push him away but he continues to kiss me passionately. I still don’t response to his kisses but he doesn’t understand my cold reaction. I know that it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have asked him to kiss me. He kisses me even more and more passionately. Maybe, he’ll stop when I response. I begin to move my mouth and kiss him back. I can feel that he is smiling. He’s overjoyed and perhaps misunderstood that I also enjoy the kiss.

Out of the sudden, I have many flash backs about us including our dates, our kisses in the past, the night we danced, even I see that he’s kneeling down to propose to me. Did I say yes? Apparently I did. Oh my God…. Is he the one who I truly love all this time? Not Kev? But my feeling for Kevin is real. I still love him and we shouldn’t even kiss in the first place.

I am turning my face to the right and hope that he understands that we need to stop. He asks

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. It’s not you. It’s me. I shouldn’t ask you to kiss me. I am sorry.”

“I am not.” He replies immediately and continues to say

“I am not sorry at all. I have been wanted to kiss you like this for a long time. Cing, I love you.”

We are sitting down for a while and I finally dare myself to ask him

“Rud, did I love you before? How much?”

“I don’t know how much you love me but perhaps, more than you love your own life.”

“Why did you or do you think that way?” asked me.

Rudy is answering me by telling the story of the triangle love between him, Anna and myself. He is letting me know how I sacrificed my own happiness and even my own dignity for the two of them. He told me that he was being coward at that time. He shouldn’t have asked me to deal with Anna. He was in a “shock” stage where he tried to deny everything. He is sorry that he should have dealt with everything along. We continue to leave the hill and drive home after some times.

At night, Rudy is asking my parent’s permission to bring me to Jakarta. He said that he wants to bring me to live at my old apartment. He also has promised to me that he will take me to my new house with Anthony. It turns out that I used to live there with Kev for a year.

After a long debate, my father finally agrees to let me go. After we have finished our dinner, my mother is asking me to wait in my room. She says that there is someone who wants to talk to me. I am sitting on my bed, opening my old photograph album. Most of my photo album is filled with Rudy and Anthony. I wonder why I never took any of Kevin’s pictures in the past. Suddenly, my phone is ringing and it reads as private number.

Me                         : Hallo

Caller                    : Hi, is this Ruby?

Me                         : Yes. May I know who’s speaking?

Caller                    : This is Lily. Do you know who I am?

I am thinking hard whether this is Lily who everyone said was Kevin’s girlfriend in the past. However, I don’t want to guess it wrong.

Me                         : Can you please tell some more about yourself?

Caller                    : I am Kevin’s friend. I need to talk to you in person and please don’t tell anyone about meeting me. I don’t want anyone to know that I am in Jakarta.

Me                         : Ok. You can just text me the time and place. I will be there. Is Kevin’s alright? Where is he now?

The phone is now longer connected. After a while, she sends me a text and ask me to meet her one week later on Sunday at Shangrilla hotel, Jakarta. I will ask Amy how to get there later when I reach my apartment tomorrow.

Somebody is knocking on my door and I ask the person to come in. It turns out that it is Anthony’s mother.

I greet her and say “Aunty, please come in. I am sorry that I don’t know it was you. I would have changed my pajama. It’s not polite to see you like this. Please sit down Aunty. Can I get you something to drink? Do you want to have a hot chocolate?”

She is shaking her head, smiling and says

“I used to see you in your pajamas all the time. You don’t have to address me so formally. You used to call me mom even before you got married with Anthony. Perhaps you don’t remember but we were very close since you were little. When your mother got angry with you, I was the one who always defend you. She always says that I have spoilt you too much. You have grown into a beautiful woman now. I can’t believe how the days can go by too quickly.”

I am taking both of her hands. Suddenly, I can feel her pain. She has lost her son and now even though I am already here, I can act like her daughter. It must have been very painful for her.

“Ma, do you blame me for Anthony’s dead? Did he die because of me? No one told me how he died. Can you please tell me the truth?”

She replies back at me “No, of course not! He didn’t die because of you but due to illness from his accident. You were all the reasons for him to live. How can you think that you made him die?

“I don’t know. I just think that I don’t bring luck to anyone. I broke many men’s heart, I made my parents sad, I made you lost your son, now I am even hurting the man I love. I don’t care whether he tricked me in the first place. Ma, you must have thought that I have betrayed or even cheated on Anthony. I am really sorry but I didn’t know about Anthony two years ago. I really thought that Kevin was the only person I knew in my life. I thought I was an orphan.”

Anthony’s mother hugs me from the side and puts my head on against her chest. She says

“Don’t worry my daughter. I know who you really are. I have known you since you were born. I know your heart. You won’t even hurt a fly. Do you know why you broke many men’s heart?”

I am shaking head. She continues to caress my hair and says

“It’s because they have broken yours first. However, I am just afraid that you will get hurt again now. You can easily have a crush on somebody. Ma also knows that you can easily get touched when a man is being nice to you, especially if he sacrifices something for you. Sometimes, you don’t even know who you truly love, who can bring you the happiness you deserve. But, Ma can only say this to you that no matter you choose to end up with in the future, I can only hope that he can love you as much as Anthony loves you. This is Anthony’s diary and death will. Ma took it from his house earlier. It’s left on your bed when you left the house for the last time. Anthony has left you with everything including the house, the car, all of his stocks and also his money. They are all in this envelope.”

I am giving back the envelope to Ma and say

“Ma, I will take the diary. But, I want you to have everything else. I don’t deserve to have all of this. You can use it for all your needs instead.”

Ma says “You probably don’t understand but Anthony would be really angry with me if I took it from you. You are the only person he loves in this world. I maybe his mother but you are his other half.”

I am asking Ma the question I’ve been wanted to ask her since the first time I saw her.

“Ma, did I love Anthony so much?”

She answers “Yes, with all of your heart.”

Ma is then leaving me alone in the room and I begin to open his diary. I read one by one until it finally finishes. I couldn’t believe that someone can love me this much. The one page that strikes me the most is when he wrote on my sweet 17th birthday.

August 29, 2002

Dear Ruby,

Today, you are celebrating your 17th birthday. I can only drop my tears because you choose to spend it with Roy. I know that I should be happy for the two of you but why I always feel that he’s not worth of your love. Maybe, no one can ever fit in my eyes when it comes to be your boyfriend.

You never knew that since a long time ago, I have fallen in love with you the night we spent on the star hill. Back then, I asked you what your third birthday wish was. You said that you want to meet your prince charming in the future. Deep down inside, I always want to be your prince charming. Sadly, you have only seen me as your brother.

If I can cut my life for 20 years, I am willing to replace them for your happiness. I sincerely hope that you can meet your prince charming in the future, the one who loves you at any cost.

Ruby, happy birthday my love…. I hope that someday you will realize that your prince has always been by your side all this time Maybe, I am too easy to overlook.

Love,

Anthony

Even though I don’t know Anthony now, I can feel his love for me. God, why did you arrange me to have the accident? I never understand Your plan but I do hope that I won’t hurt anyone in the future.

Part 5: A New Friendship

We are going to my apartment in Jakarta around lunch time. On the way to Jakarta, I think I need to explain what happened with us during our kiss yesterday. I don’t want him to misunderstand.

“Rud, I want to explain something about the kiss yesterday. I am sorry. I asked you to do it for a wrong purpose. I know that it’s outrageous for me to even ask you in the first place. I am so sorry but I couldn’t understand why my visions only show when you are beside me. I can’t get any hints even around my family. It’s only you who can bring back my memory. I am truly sorry.”

He smiles, touches my right hand and says

“I know… I know by the way your lips touch mine in the first place. You didn’t respond at all. I thought that I caught you in a moment but it turned out that I was wrong. I know what your heart feels at the moment. You still love Kevin so much, am I right?”

I am looking at him one again and couldn’t believe that this kind of guy even exists. I reply to him

“Thank you for understanding. You don’t need to stay beside me all the time now. I can take care of myself. I am not as alone as I was back in Surabaya. I can call my parents all the time; I can call my friends to go out with me. You can do anything you want.”

Rudy replies what I have said earlier without even looking back at me. He says

“You don’t understand. There is no anything I want except to stay beside you all the time.”

He continues to smiles along the way. I finally cannot stop myself to ask him

“Why are you so happy when I told you about the kiss?”

He replies “I am smiling because you said that your vision only shown when I am around you. It proves that I am the most important person in your heart before you lost your memory.”

I am smiling back at him and wonder whether what he said was true.

We are finally arriving at my apartment. It’s very girly and I truly believe that I used to live in this place. All the décor and color were so me. This is exactly how I would decorate my own house. This time, Christian has already waited for me in the apartment by sitting on the couch.

Afterwards, he requested Rudy to give me some time alone with him. Rudy hesitates for a while and looks at me. I am smiling to him and giving him a sign to say that it’s okay. Rudy is leaving the apartment to buy some groceries.

“How are you Rub? Are you feeling well? Have you remembered anything?” asks Christian

“I am well. I have remembered some things related to Rudy and Anthony. However, other than that, it’s really hard for me to remember anything else, not even a remotely field.” answers me

“Not even your parents?” Christian asks again.

“Yes, not even them. I don’t know but I found them quite strange. I don’t know how to explain it to you. It’s just…………”

Before I can continue my explanation, he cuts me off by saying

“I can totally relate to you. I am not very close with both my parents also. Even when mother died, I didn’t feel the pain as much as when you we broke up earlier. You don’t have to explain to me. Sometimes, family can become stranger and friends can become family because they are always there when we need them.”

I am smiling at Christian. I am not quite sure whether I was close with family before but I have to say that Christian is right. Kevin and Rudy was more like my family rather than my mom and dad.

“Have you been told about our story? Do you want to know?” asks Christian suddenly

“No… Please do tell. I want to know for sure.” I reply to Christian.

“We met when you tried to escape from Rudy in Sydney. You were staying in my house. At first, I thought you were just like any other girls who like fortune, branded bags and clothes more than friendship. However, with the time went by, you have proven me wrong. You valued me not because I am the rich second generation from the Wong’s family. You are kind to me because I am Christian. You were even willing to work during the night shift to buy my birthday present. When you lived in Sydney with me, Kevin was our roommate and our best friend. He helped us a lot to be with each other at the time. We finally were able to admit each other’s feeling on the last day you are leaving Sydney. However, when Anthony got an accident, you chose to leave me out of guilt even though you still love me. Do you know why the accident happened?”

I am shaking my head again and wait for him to answer

“It’s because you chose to tell him that we were together. Anthony couldn’t accept the fact that we were together. Thus, he was speeding and got the accident.”

Now, I finally know why Rudy, Kevin or anyone never told me about this. I was the cause of Anthony’s death. He was ill because of the accident and it happened because of me. Christian continues to speak

“Rub, are you okay? You look pale.”

I am shaking my head and say “No, I am okay! Please continue to tell our story.”

“After that, nothing much to go on really…. I haven’t able to give up chasing you but I couldn’t since I hurt you badly during our break up. I said something I shouldn’t say to the woman I love, I did some things which you couldn’t forgive at the time. I am truly sorry. I wish that I could turn back time.”

I am looking at Christian and find this “weird” expression. He doesn’t look like a person who loves me. I could see the “love” expression in both Kevin and Rudy but I just couldn’t notice from his face.

“May I know whether you still love me right now? I need to know where you are at the moment.”

He is looking at me deeply and says

“I don’t know. I mean I sure love you and you are still one of the most important women in my love. But, we have been apart for so long. I am not sure.”

I am smiling and finally ask him

“I am one of the most important? May I know who the other woman is?”

Christian is smiling back at me and says

“You are still so smart Rub. Lately, I have been feeling something else with Cindy, my late mother’s secretary who is now my secretary. You used to like her too.”

I am offering him a glass of water and ask him again

“So, why the two of you aren’t together yet?”

“I am still confused. I don’t know whether someone could love two people at the same time. My heart has only filled with you since you were gone. I have been looking for you everywhere. I missed you like crazy, I…….”

I am touching Christian’s hand and says

“But now that I am here, you do not longer possess this feeling towards me. Am I right? You saw me differently. You thought that you would even love me when meeting me few days ago back at the airport. It turns out that you miss Cindy more when she was not by your side, even when travelling for few days for business trip. Now that I am sitting beside you, you don’t feel the butterfly in your stomach. You only see me as a friend or someone who is important for you.”

“How do you know that?” says Christian

“I might have lost my memory but I am still a girl. And, you are probably right by calling me a smart girl.” says I while laughing together with Christian.

“Chris, it’s simple. You used to love me but as time went by, you have fallen in love with Cindy slowly. It’s okay for you to feel that way. You deserve to be happy. Also, I have to let you know that I am such in a bad shape right now. I know that I love Kevin so much but I couldn’t just ignore Rudy’s position in my heart. He’s the only one who can give me visions. Also, I may not feel a thing about Anthony but by looking at his diary and from gathering everyone’s information, it seems that we used to love each other very much. He might be the last person I love before I lost my memory. So, I really don’t need one more guy to complicate the situation even more. I want to have a friend that I can trust, a person who can give me good neutral advices. I really hope that it would be you.”

Christian is laughing and he finally says

“I am not sure that I can stay as your neutral friends. After all, you were my first love. No one is good enough maybe perhaps beside Anthony to be your lover. I am not sure whether I even like my brother. He’s so cold to everyone around him. He’s a close book. I never know what’s on his mind.”

I am smudging my face and ask “Your brother? Who? Is Kevin your brother?”

He is looking at me seriously and says “No, it’s Rudy. Didn’t you know? Rudy is my brother.”

Christian then continues to tell me his family story. It seems that his family situation is very complicated. Nevertheless, I am glad of the new friendship I have with Christian. At least, one guy who used to love me is happy right now.

Christian is touching my hand and asks

“Rub, Kev called me few days ago. He sounded awful. He has told me all the things that happened with you and him for the past two years. He has apologized to me for hiding you all along. After hearing his explanation, I really feel bad for the guy. However, he didn’t explain why he chose not to come along with you to Jakarta. Is it because of Rudy? What happened with you two?”

My tears start to fall down again even though they are only two to three drops away. I speak

“It’s a long story. Bottom line, we have hurt each other’s feelings badly.”

Christian finally says “I don’t know what happened but you have to know that he has sacrificed everything to take care of you. He has nothing left now.”

Finally, Rudy has come back from his grocery shopping and stops Christian to say anything more about Kevin. Christian is standing up and planning to leave but Rudy asks him to sit down again.

Rudy says “Chris, I want to ask your permission. I want Cing to come back working for us. She can stay as my assistant for a month and come back to fill her old position as the HR Vice President. What do you think?”

Christian replies him by saying “Ok! I have no problem with that. It’s just we have to alert the managers first and let them know about Ruby’s situation. That way, they won’t get confuse.”

“I am thinking differently though.” Says Rudy

“What do you mean?”

Rudy finally explains his plan to Christian.

“I am planning to brief Cing everything and everyone in our company. No one shall know beside you, Cindy, I and June or May about her condition. I don’t want anyone to take any advantages because she has lost her memory. Don’t worry. I will prepare her during these few days. She will come back to work on Monday fully briefed.”

Christian is nodding his head without even arguing anything. Finally he says to Rudy

“Do you know that this is the longest thoughts you have spoken to me for the past few years? Is it so hard to speak to me besides talking about Ruby? I am your brother after all”

Rudy doesn’t even smile back at Christian. He doesn’t look at him as his friend, let along his brother. He’s back to the cold Rudy I knew when he interacted with his co workers back in Surabaya.

I finally speak out for Christian to Rudy.

“Rud, maybe all of us can become good friends. Why don’t we go out for dinner tomorrow? He can bring June along. The four of us can have a good time.”

Rudy smiles back at me and he says

“Cing, I already made plans with you tomorrow, maybe perhaps another time.”

I know that he’s just being polite to reject Christian’s offer. Suddenly, Rudy opens his mouth and speak again while Christian is walking out towards the apartment.

“Chris, I will come back to work at the office together with Ruby on Monday.”

It’s not even how a person should address permission but what he said earlier was more on a declaration of “for your information”. Rudy is Rudy. He is very cold to others and I wonder why. He is like a snow volcano mountain.

Rudy spends the next few days by informing me all about Wong’s Corporation in Jakarta. I have known about their history during my orientation back in Surabaya. He even brought me some photographs of all the employees at Wong. He asked me to memorize them all including their name, title and job descriptions. He even pointed out who have I hired personally.

Christian comes by every day. Sometimes, he drops by during breakfast or during lunch time. He never brings along his “Cindy”. This morning, he came along with his sister June.

She looks a lot more like Rudy. She also speaks when absolutely needed. I can finally see the resemblance between the three siblings. Christian shows me another picture of his sister named May. Apparently, he told me that May’s character is more like him. But, her “bossy” attitude is inherited by her mother. Apparently, her mother has given me a princess lesson during the past. Christian told me a few of them and it gets me to laugh so hard. I am also excited to hear many stories at the office about May. I really intrigue to meet her in the future.

Today is Saturday and I remember that I promise to meet with Lily tomorrow. I haven’t asked Amy about where Shangrilla Hotel is. It’s very odd that she asked to meet in the parking lot, not inside the café or even the room. I am calling Amy to find out about the hotel location. She offers to take me there but I lied to her that I want to buy a birthday cake for Rudy. Rudy’s birthday is in fact on September. I knew it from the back of our photograph before in my hometown. Now is only July but I couldn’t think of any other lie to meet Lily tomorrow. It turns out that the hotel is very near to my apartment and all I need is to catch a taxi to get there. Now, what I need is to find an excuse to leave the apartment alone from Rudy.

We are having dinner together at the apartment. I asked him why he hasn’t brought me back to my house with Anthony. He said that I need to be prepared for the office matters first. It’s very crucial that no one knows about my memory lost. I wonder why he desperately needs me to go back to the office on Monday. He hasn’t said anything all along and I choose to trust him instead.

Before I am asking Rudy for his permission tomorrow, I want to ask him about why he behaved coldly to Christian all this time.

“Rud, can you tell me why are you being cold in front of Christian and your sister? I don’t understand. I thought you wanted to have a family. You said to me when you were unconscious before that you didn’t want to be alone. They are nice people. Who don’t you get yourself close to them? I can see that Christian has tried very hard to please you.”

He replies me back by saying

“Cing, you only have known them for the past weeks. How can you know that they are good people? Don’t be too easy to trust a person. A person’s heart is deeper than any ocean. You never know when they can backstab you in the future. Cing, trust no one accepts me. You can’t put your trust 100% even though to your parents. The only person who is worth to trust completely is only Anthony and unfortunately, he’s no longer beside you. Everyone will act for their own benefit. No one can love a person unconditionally.”

I know that Rudy must have undergone a lot of bad things to make him what he is today. Suddenly, I am feeling bad for the guy. I hope that whatever our relationship will turn out in the future, I can still be someone who can he trust completely. I don’t want him to feel alone. My phone beeps and Rudy asks me who the message from. I lied to him and said that it’s from Amy. It turns out that it’s from Lily which reads

“Bring no one with you. I want to talk to you personally.”