Part 1: Everything is as clear as the color of white (Ruby)

I cannot express what I am feeling at the moment. I wish that what Kevin told me earlier wasn’t true. But, I know that he won’t lie to me. He won’t make jokes about Anthony’s condition. I don’t want to believe that this is the truth. I really don’t. I am scared that if I ask the hospital about this, they will re inform me that this is a fact. I really can’t lose Anthony in my life. This is just too painful. Losing him is like losing the other half of me. I haven’t got a chance to give him happiness, I haven’t said to him how much I love him, I haven’t repaid even 10% of his kindness to me. No, I have to fight back. I need to see Prof. Wendy and ask her if there are any other options before Chris asks her to leave.

I am packing up my things and ask Jane to send few boxes to me. I need to talk to Cindy or even President Director Wong that I am resigning from my post with an immediate effect.

Rudy knocks at my door and sees me that I am putting my belongings inside the box.

“Are you ok? Where are you going?” he asks me

“I am ok! I am resigning from my post today.”

“Why?” he asks me curiously.

“Nothing! I just want to spend more time with Anthony. If you excuse me, I need to talk to President Director Wong.”

Rudy closes the door at my office. He knows that something is wrong with me. He asks me to tell him the truth. I really don’t know how to say the words. I can’t say that Anthony’s dying.

Rudy looks at me and asks

“Is Anthony’s condition gotten worse? What is it? Tell me and maybe I can help you.”

I have held myself to cry since I was at Christian’s office. I am not sure whether I can hold it anymore. I am crying hysterically. Rudy finally gives me a hug.

“Cing, what happened? Tell me… You can always share your pain with me.”

“I just found out that Anthony only have two more months to live. Kev told me just now when he was fighting with Chris. He told us the truth because Chris was planned to stop funding the medication and even asked Prof. Wendy to go back to her country. I really don’t know what to do. I……….”

Rudy doesn’t say anything. This is what I like about sharing my problems with him. He knows that what I really need right now is just a silent support. He hugs me for a while.

“I need to talk to President Director Wong.” I am pulling him from his hug earlier.

He is nodding his head and helps me to unpack while I open my door to go out. Chris and Kev are already outside. I give Kev a weak smile while continue to walk towards the PD office. Cindy is at her desk. I ask whether PD Wong is available to meet. Unfortunately, she is in the US due to Amy’s graduation. I give her my resignation letter, the one that I planned to give to Chris before.

She tells me that she already knew about Anthony’s condition and also has informed PD about it. I thank her and ask her how much I need to pay for any settlements for the hospital fee. She says that she needs to double check with PD Wong when she comes back to Indonesia.

I make a hand over list and tell her that all the necessary files are in the computer. I also tell her about the hard copy which are all organized in my bookshelf. She is giving me a hug and wishes me all the best with Anthony.

I am going back to my office and find Kev, Rudy and Chris are there. Rudy has already instructed an office boy to put my boxes on the trolley. Rudy finally asks me

“Where do you want to go? I can drop you there.”

“I want to go to meet someone at Pacific Place. Can you accompany me there?”

Rudy is nodding his head and go with me to the elevator.

“Please wait for a moment. I need to talk to Kev.” I ask Rudy to wait.

I ask Kev to go to my room and close the door so that I can have a private conversation with him.

“Please tell me about Anthony’s condition truthfully.”

Kev then informs me that he had a severe brain concussion due to the accident. He also told me that he might also lose his sight at the end. He told me that the only thing they can save is his legs. If he continues to do the therapy, he can walk again. He also told me that there is an internal bleeding inside his head. They can do an operation but the chance is only less than 20%.

“Ok! I know what to do. Please help me to take care of Anthony while I am gone for a few hours. I need to see someone first before I go to the hospital.”

“Can you tell me where you are going? Can you tell me your plan? Please don’t scare me like this. You can trust me. What are you choosing to go with Rudy instead?”

“You will find out later. Right now, I really need you to see Anthony. Don’t tell him that I already knew about his condition. I don’t want him to worry at all. I don’t blame you for losing your temper in Christian’s office just then. I am even grateful that I find out the truth where it’s not too late. You have been a really good friend of mine and I thank you for that. Please tell Christian to stay away from me from now on. I don’t want to see him ever again. I can forgive anything but I cannot forgive someone who takes a revenge on me and throw them on my closest relatives when they are sick in the hospital. You are right. He and I were a wrong foot from the start. I will pay him back every cent he and his mother already paid for the hospital. He doesn’t need to worry about that.”

“Rub, you know that Chris didn’t mean what he did. He lost it because He thought that we approached him because of his fortune. It’s only normal for him to react that way. Although he has gone too far, I know that he really regrets it right away after he finds out the truth.”

“I don’t blame him for what happened earlier but I have misjudged him from the start. I wasn’t angry with him when he kicked me out from his house. I also wasn’t angry when he slapped my face, when he tried to force me. I can even forgive him when he humiliated me in front of you by saying that I am using my body to get you to defend me. They were fine. But, I really cannot forget that he even asked Prof. Wendy to leave the country. I can’t forgive anyone who tries to hurt Anthony or my father or anybody I care so much in this world. Even if he didn’t know that Anthony is dying, he still knew that he is still hospitalized. I can’t believe that he didn’t have any empathy at all.”

“Rub, it’s because he is really jealous with me and also with Anthony. You know that jealousy always brings the worst out of him! He…”

I cut off Kev’s explanation to defend Chris.

“Kev, please stop saying things about Chris. I might not even want to talk with you in the future! Actually, I am glad that things happened for a good reason. I used to feel guilty about leaving Christian due to the accident. Now, I know that I am doing the right thing.”

“You know Kev, I just realize that the one I really know inside and out is only Anthony. I never knew that Roy or Rudy could leave me. I didn’t know that Chris could do things that could harm even my closest relative. I feel like I didn’t even know Chris in the first place. He is not what I think he is. I should love someone I knew not the one I thought I knew. It just took long for me to realize. Anthony always does everything for my own good. He would never hurt me like this. His accident and other events made me see who I should spend the rest of my life with.”

Kev stops to argue things with me. I finally leave him alone in the office. I am calling Amy right away and ask her to meet me urgently at the Segafredo coffee shop in Pacific Place. Rudy is accompanying me to go there. The reason I need Rudy to go with me is because he has planned a wedding before with Anna. I need him to organize a wedding for me and Anthony within one month. At the same time, I will take care of Anthony and help him to be able to walk as fast as he can. I want to give him a surprise by asking him to marry me. Anthony’s birthday is one day after my birthday. That’s why we always blow on the cake 1 minute before his birthday until 1 minute on his birthday.

Amy hasn’t arrived when we sit at the Segafredo. I am ordering a hot coco and Rudy is ordering his usual Cappuccino.

“Rud, I need your help to organize a wedding for me within one month. I know that you almost had a wedding with Anna. Therefore, you know a good wedding organizer and all its details. I don’t need a fancy wedding. I just want a beautiful wedding ceremony and a simple wedding reception. Can you please help me?”

Rudy is looking at my eye and answer

“Ok! I will take care of it. But Cing, I don’t want you to make a decision based on anger. You really need to think carefully about this. I don’t understand how history with Chris but it seems that the two of you still have some unfinished business to settle. I know that you want to make Anthony happy but you shouldn’t sacrifice your own instead.”

I am looking at Rudy and give him my answer which is truly come from my heart.

“I thought that my feeling for Anthony is just a brotherhood love and my feeling for Christian is a love between lovers. I just realized it today that I did not see my heart clearly. I cannot explain things to you clearly but I am very aware who I really want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s Anthony. It’s not because that I feel responsible towards him, it’s also not because I try to make him happy but it’s because I realize that this is what I really want and he is the one I love the most. I think all the painful events in my life; it’s time for me to be happy too.”

Rudy nods his head and doesn’t probe me further. Amy arrives after one hour and gives me a hug as if we didn’t have a fight before. I knew that he would be the person Anthony first informed about his sickness. I verify with her and it turns out that I am right. Anthony has already called her to come to the hospital a few days ago.

“Is there anything in particular that Anthony asked you to do? Do you know any wish which he wanted to reach or anything he wanted to have? Please tell me everything now.”

He asked me to set up a lawyer to meet him this morning. I think it’s something to do with his death will. I also have asked the same question to him about his wishes.

He said that he only had one wish and that is to walk you down the aisle. He asked me not to tell you about his real condition because he didn’t want you to marry him by force. He loves you too much and the only thing he wants for you is to live your life happily.”

Amy and I are both crying. I know that this must be extremely hard on her. I know about her feeling for Anthony.

“I have been thinking the same. I also wish the same thing. I want to walk down the aisle with him. I love him. That’s why I need your help and Rudy’s as well to organize a wedding for me. You both know me and Anthony so well. You know our preference. I want the wedding to be held on 09-09-12 at 09.00 AM in the morning. Nine is both our favorite numbers. We can have the lunch reception in the garden using a white tent. After the wedding, I will force Anthony to do the operation. I am sure that even though the chances are really low, we can still hope that the operation may succeed.”

Amy is nodding her head and gives me a hug again.

“I will make you the most beautiful wedding you’d ever seen.”

I give Anthony one of my credit card and Amy one of my debit card. I tell them my pin number. They can use them to pay any details for my wedding.

“Guys, the pin to the debit card is Anthony’s birthday. You can withdraw as much as you wish. I couldn’t thank both of you enough. I am really grateful that you are willing to help me. Please also help me to hide this from Anthony as I want to give him a surprise. Amy, please also don’t inform Anthony that I already know about his condition. I don’t want to think that I am marrying him because he’s dying. This is what I have wanted to do. I just didn’t realize it until today.”

Amy is nodding her head again. We hug each other before we say good bye.

Rudy is dropping me off at the hospital. I also see that Kevin is walking out from the hospital. Rudy tells me that I can just call him whenever I need his help. I am smiling at him and go upstairs to see Anthony. I open the door and I see Prof. Wendy is doing an examination for Anthony.

“How’s his condition at the moment Professor?”

“He is doing very well in the therapy, even much better than we have expected before.”

Anthony then speaks to both the Professor and me.

“I want to go out from the hospital and stays at Ruby’s apartment. We can go back and forth to do the therapy. I don’t want to lie on the hospital bed for a long time. I want to see the world.”

Prof. Wendy seems hesitate about his request. I finally give my response to both of them

“I think we can arrange it. I just resigned from my job. I can take care of him full time. It’s very near from my place to take him to the hospital. We can do the therapy twice a day, one in the morning and the other one in the afternoon.”

Prof. Wendy is smiling and looks at Anthony. She finally says

“Ok! If this is what you want. We can even arrange a home treatment for you. You don’t need to go back and forth to the hospital. I will send a full time nurse to arrange your therapy at home. I will also come by to Ruby’s place once every day to do an examination for you. I am sure that we can arrange it well. You can buy a wheelchair downstairs at the pharmacy or rent it at the hospital downstairs for a temporary use. I am sure that you will walk again in no time.”

Prof. Wendy is leaving the room. Anthony seems really happy. He says that he is grateful that I agree to have him go out from the hospital. He also informs me that my mother dropped by this morning. She said that my father will go out in another three days if his condition is getting better. He is already at the General Ward. I tell him that I will come by later on to check on my father. It’s been a while since the last time I saw him. I have been too busy taking care of my job and Anthony. I am glad that Papa has Mama by his side all the time.

I am telling Anthony that I need to buy something from the pharmacy. In fact, I am chasing Prof. Wendy to have a chat with her.

“Prof, wait… please wait for me.”

Prof. Wendy turns her head and asks me

“What’s wrong? Is there anything that I can do?”

“Can I talk with you in private?”

“Of course, you can come to my office.”

We both sit down and I finally tell Prof. Wendy that I already knew about Anthony’s disease.

“I already knew about his true condition Prof. Wendy. I want to talk about some options.”

Prof. Wendy looks at me and finally says

“I am at liberty to say. You are not his immediate family.”

“Prof, I am his fiancé. We are getting married within less than a month. I want to know some treatment options for my husband. I am the only family he has right now.”

“Do you still plan to marry him even though you knew that he doesn’t have much time anymore?”

“Yes. I don’t care if I only marry him for one day.”

She sheds tears and finally says

“You know our best shot is by taking the operation. I will invite my senior from US to do the operation with me. However, the chance is really pretty weak. You must think about this carefully. If you both decide to do the operation, the sooner the better.”

“I understand. Please schedule him to have the operation on Sept 12, 2012. It is three days after our wedding. You are welcome to attend our wedding also as an honored guest. We will be delighted to have you there Professor.”

“Thank you. It would be my honor.” Prof. Wendy shakes my hand. She still has tears in her eyes.

I go to the pharmacy to buy some tissues and other household needs so Anthony doesn’t get suspicious. I am entering his room and put my groceries on the table.

I am looking at Anthony and say

“I am sorry that I haven’t got a chance to cook for you for the last few days. But, tomorrow you will start to eat a home meal cook especially made by Ruby Lee for every day until you get sick of it.”

“I would never get sick because I am eating your cooked meal. I will be the happiest person instead.”

He is smiling at me. I am sitting on his bed and hug him tightly.

“You know that no one has ever loved anyone as much as I love you.”

He is looking at me deeply, kissing me on my forehead and says

“I know. No one has ever loved you like I do too. You are my everything.”

Part 2: I feel white, not even blue… (Christian)

I am sitting on my couch back at the apartment. I really regret what I have done to Ruby for the past two days. How can I treat her like that? She is the woman I love. She won’t even forgive me right now. All of the things I said to her were just outrageous. Kevin hands me a beer and says

“I already warned you. Don’t do the things you regret! Now, it’s already too late.”

I drink the beer in one shot. He is right. I really regret it now. I should have known her better. I finally ask Kev about his real feelings for Ruby. The way he protected her is just more than just a regular friend. I am also a guy. I know why guys are willing to sacrifice a meaningful friendship.

“Kev, you really love her, don’t you?”

He says no words for a while and then replies “Yes, I do. I love her very much.”

I am looking at my best friend and realize that he has hid his feeling for a long time because of me.

“You could have had her when she came to Sydney last year. Why didn’t you admit your feeling to her? Why didn’t you say that you wanted her by your side?”

Kev is drinking his second can and says

“It’s because I was too coward. I couldn’t compete with the other guys who love her even more than I do. I saw that Roy was even willing to give up his life for her. Later on, I saw that she has developed a special feeling towards you. I also noticed that you have changed a lot for her. I couldn’t hurt my own brother. I’d rather seeing you both happy than to lose one of you.”

I am grabbing my hair and feel even sorrier about what has happened. How can I put them in such a shitty place? They are both my closest friends. Ruby is right. I should trust my judgment. I have known Kev for years. He always gives in to me. He has even stepped back his real feelings for me. I was just too blind and stupid to see. Kev then continues to say

“I admitted my feelings towards her on the last night before she went back to Jakarta. At the very same night, she also realized her love for you and said it to me out loud. I have no regrets at the time knowing that you two can start to have a relationship. I am just really sad that both of you couldn’t have your happy ending but I hope that this is for the best.”

“Do you think that she’ll ever forgive me?” I ask Kevin

“Ruby always forgives anyone who hurts her. Even if you kill her, she will still put on her smile and forgive you in a second. However, I am not sure whether she could forgive you. You tried to hurt her precious Anthony and also her father although you didn’t mean it that way. I am not sure Chris…”

I know that I don’t even have any hope left. I lost her. My own improper behavior has cost me my life happiness. I was too childish, I was too arrogant!

“Kev, please move back in with me. I really don’t want to live alone now. Do you think that I can still make it up to her?”

“I am really not sure. She has a soft heart. You may try but I don’t know whether your methods could win her heart back. I am not so sure. You scared her heart badly. I was there to witness her every expression when you told her that she was a material girl and willing to use her body to get to me, and many more. The other normal girls would not even want to see you. However, she is Ruby. She is different than any other girls. But, I really cannot help you this time. Ruby has forbid me to talk about you or she won’t even talk to me in the future. I have made a promise to Anthony to take his place in the future, to protect her as her best friend and brother. I can’t lose Ruby’s trust. She must still have me as her protector. You have to know Chris that Anthony is a really great guy.”

“What do you mean? How did you know?”

“Anthony told me that he only wanted another two months to become Ruby’s lover. He knew the one Ruby loved back then was you. He also knew that he’s dying soon. He could have the operation and take a chance on it but he chose not to have it because he wanted Ruby to be with the one she truly loves. He wanted to give you and Ruby his blessings with only asked for another two months to be with Ruby so he will not have any regrets.”

My heart is pounding. I continue to hear Kev’s explanation.

“They are both great people with the biggest heart in the world. He is willing to give his life for Ruby’s happiness while Ruby is willing to give up her happiness in order for him to live. That’s why she chose to give you up in the first place. Actually, you can have her in two months if you wait patiently and did not behave cruelly like the past two days. Anthony is really a great guy. He never forces Ruby to love him back. He just wants her to live her life happily with the one she chooses.”

I burst into tears and realize what a huge mistake I have made. I really am too selfish. Kevin is willing to give up on Ruby because of our friendship and her happiness. Rudy even tried to marry someone he didn’t love because of his love to Ruby. Roy didn’t care for his life during the avalanche at Snowy Mountain. Now, Anthony is willing to give up his life for her. As for me, I just hurt her feeling every time I misunderstood her action.

“Kev, I don’t deserve her. She really deserves to be with another guy. I will only ask for her forgiveness. I won’t chase her anymore. After she forgives me, I will go back to Sydney and stay away from her. I will set her free. If my love only causes her to cry and even makes her life miserably, I’d rather chose to let her go. She deserves to live with a better man. It is only pity that Anthony will only have two more months to live. They are perfect for each other.”

Kevin continues to express his feeling.

“They are two main concerns about Ruby now. One is what will happen with her should Anthony really leave her? You saw her reaction when she heard the news. She couldn’t even cry and talk until Rudy came by to her office. The other thing is I don’t know whether she could accept a love from another man beside Anthony even though after he passes away. I don’t know why she went with Rudy today. I am afraid that she will make a decision based on an irrational emotion.”

I am thinking what Kev just said to me. I don’t know what I should do next. I really have no idea. All I want for Ruby is for her to be happy. I will not put my happiness first like I used to. I will change the way I love her. I am willing to change drastically for her. I ask Kev again another question

“Kev, do you think that she still loves me?”

He finally gives me an answer “I don’t know Chris. She said she didn’t even know the real you.”

Part 3: Two beautiful nights covered in white (Anthony)

 

I live my life day by day with Ruby happily. These past few days have been the life of a fairy tale. We usually begin our routine by eating breakfast. She even cooks for me. The nurse assists me to have my therapy which is going great at the moment. I don’t have to sit in a wheel chair anymore. I can start to walk by using a paddle since few days ago. I can’t wait to go outside and see the world with her. After the therapy, Ruby usually asks me to go to the mall. She always buys me a new shirt for me to wear every day. I am only allowed to wear it once. We usually have a lunch date outside not back at the apartment. We are going back at around 04.00 PM before the traffic gets worse and continue to have another therapy. Afterwards, she will start cooking dinner for me. Her cook is even improving now. Sometimes, she asks a professional chef whom she knows from Amy to teach her a new main course. We spend the night by cuddling on her bed. Sometimes, she even reads me stories or we are just talking until we both fall asleep. The past few days haven’t been my happiest time.

The house is full at the moment because Amy, Mat and Karen are coming to visit us. Tonight is very special because we are celebrating that I do not longer need to use my wheelchair to go around. I can walk only using a paddle. Mat and Karen are helping Ruby to cook in the kitchen.

Amy and I are waiting in the living room. She suddenly asks me about my condition.

“How are you feeling? Do you still have the headache?”

“They are quiet rare. If my head starts to spin, I always go to the bathroom or go hiding somewhere. I am afraid that Ruby will find out. By the way, is she really ok? I don’t know why she quitted her job. You know that she loves to work very much. I also rarely see Kevin giving her a visit. He only came by one time to bring something for her. I even see her spending more time with Rudy. Are they getting closer? I thought that Ruby was in relationship before with your cousin, Christian.”

“First, you have to check your head to the hospital. You need still to go there for a consultation. Tomorrow, I will ask Ruby to spend a day for a spa since the day after tomorrow is her birthday. Did you get her anything yet?” Amy asks me directly

“I already ordered them by phone but I need you to pick it up and hide it for me. I can’t have the store to deliver them here. I am afraid that she will be here at the time.”

“Second, you don’t have to worry about Kevin or Rudy or even my cousin. The only person Ruby loves is you. She really loves you. I know that it might be hard for you to believe, but she really loves you. She might loved you differently before but I can see that her love for you has changed. Finally, both of you can love each other in the same way now and I am really happy for you.”

I shake my head and talk to Amy

“That’s the thing. I don’t want her to fall for me that way. I can’t stay by her side to grow old with her. She should give her love to somebody else. I thought that the one she really loves was Christian. What happened with them?”

Amy then gives an answer

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. You can call Kevin and ask him to come by tomorrow since Ruby is not staying at the apartment. You can ask him anything. He should know about any details related to my cousin. They are like Thompson and Thomson.”

The five of us spend the night by eating a very delicious dinner. Sometimes, I even forget that I am going to die soon. After the gang has left her apartment, we go into the bedroom and cuddle up.

She finally talks to me after we cuddle silently for a little while.

“Thon, why do you love me?”

I am surprised that Ruby suddenly asked me my reason to love her. I am looking at her and give my answer truthfully.

“I don’t know… For me, love doesn’t depend on sight or sound, just heart beats. My heart always beats quicker every time you are around. This has already happened since we were kids. I will never be able to end my explanation. There are far more things that I love about you than you think. My first thought in the morning is always you and you are the only person I want to fall asleep next to. I didn’t expect to get this attached to you. Maybe I love you because you are the only one who can ask me to stick around. I never want to leave your side for even a minute.”

Ruby is smiling at me and she starts to put her right arm around my waist. Her head is sleeping on my chest and my right arm is cuddling her. Now, it’s my turn to ask her how she really feels about me. I really don’t know whether her feelings for me have changed like Amy said before.

“Rub? Do you really love me now? I mean not loving me as your brother or your best friend. Have you grown to love me differently nowadays?”

She is letting go of her arms and begins to sit while staring at her eyes deeply.

“At first, I only love you as my brother. When I dated Rudy, I only looked at you as my best man, never the groom. When I fell for Chris, I only hoped that you can stay by my side as my best friend. But when I thought I had lost you during the accident, I know that I had loved you for a long time. You are the only man I knew both inside and out, the one who would never even think to hurt me. During the accident, you didn’t see how miserable I was. For a second, I even thought that I lost the will to live if you don’t wake up soon.”

She caresses my hair and puts them behind my ears while continue to say

“Sometimes, it takes a while for anyone to understand that the person they really need is the one they didn’t think they wanted. I don’t need someone to complete me but I just need someone who accepts me. I just realize that when I talk to you, the rest of the world disappears. My love for you is a love which I didn’t know exists. I love you more than anything in this world. Did you remember about those late night conversations, where everything comes out, and you admit everything? The one before I went to Sydney?”

I am nodding my head. How can I even forget about it? I was our first kiss. On the very same night, I really wanted to let her know that every time her lip is kissing against mine, it really is perfection.

“I should already realize that I had fallen for you that night when we kissed. I was just afraid that I only responded to your kiss as a token of anything else but love. Maybe sometimes love needs a second chance because it wasn’t ready the first time around. I am glad that I could still have that chance. Now, I understand that I love you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not the other way around. You know Thon, I turned out loving you more than I originally planned. I didn’t choose you but my heart did.”

 

  

We both look at each other for a while. She begins to put her face towards me. She is looking at my eyes deeply and starts to kiss me softly against my lip. There is nothing more beautiful in the world rather than having her to kiss me like this. We are rolling on the bed, still kissing each other passionately. We are canoodling each other while our hands also fondling around each other’s body.

I don’t think that we could ever stop. I really love the way she kisses me and I am so addicted by it. I know that I need to stop before I can’t control myself to want things more. After a while, I force myself to stop while trying to catch my breath normally. I don’t want to do anything more without her approval. I caress her hair, look at her deeply, and talk to her gently

“I am sorry. I went overboard. I have to go to the bathroom to wash my face first.”

She gives me a reply “Thon, just stay and let me be your wife………”

 

I couldn’t express my happiness when I hear her request. I also don’t want this to stop. I continue to kiss her mouth even more passionate then before. I cannot stop my hands to stay put and not groping her body. Both of us are breathing heavily under the white blanket. I would never forget about tonight, the night both of us put on our white silk blanket and make love to each other. Tonight is the night the two of us declare our love to each other.

We wake up the next morning at around 09.00 AM. Usually, she already wakes up at eight to make me some breakfast. This morning, she is still sleeping with a smile on her face while I never feel bored to look at her for hours. I still rewind all the details which happened last night. I remember the way we touched and the way we kissed. It’s really has been the greatest night in my life.

I wake her up by giving her a kiss all over her head. I kiss both of her eyes, her nose, both of her cheeks and then her lips. She is responding to my kisses and put her arms around my neck. She is still closing her eyes. I know that she doesn’t want to wake up yet. I am kissing her neck as I know that this is her sensitive area. She feels tickled. After a while, she opens her eyes slowly.

“Good morning. What time is it?” she asks

“It’s almost nine. You are going for a spa day with Amy today, right? She will come by in an hour and hit you if you are still in bed. You haven’t even cooked me my breakfast yet.”

“Can you please ask the maid to cook for you this morning? I am so lazy.”

She is really cute! I don’t think that she realizes how easily she can make me smile.

“I don’t care if you only cook me an instant noodle. You have promised to cook for me every day. You have to wake up now. Come on, Amy will kill you if she comes in while you are still sleeping.”

I start to tease her by tickling her waist. We are kissing again for a while. She seems really happy this morning. She even sings when she is having a shower. As a matter of fact, she really cooks me an instant noodle for my breakfast today. When she takes a shower, I send Kevin a text and ask him to come to the apartment at eleven. I need to know what’s going on between Ruby and Christian.

Ruby finally went out with Amy a half an hour ago. I am now beginning my therapy with the nurse. I can walk without my paddle since yesterday but I didn’t want Ruby to find out as I want to surprise her tomorrow on her birthday dinner. I am planning to bring her to our secret childhood place. The first place that I started to fell in love with her. She loves looking at the stars and I have asked Amy to arrange fireworks at 11.50 PM just for her. The firework runs for fifteen minutes. Both of us will spend our birthday together under the falling stars.

On the other hand, I feel nausea because I couldn’t help myself not to think that tomorrow will be my last birthday celebration. I am only glad that I can spend it with Ruby. My head is spinning again this morning after I wake up. I know that my time is really close. I just realize that I have to call my mom to let her know that I won’t come home on my birthday. She complaints about it but she understands when I told her that I still need to do my therapy.

There is a door bell and the maid asks Kev to come in. I get him some juice from the fridge as Ruby never put any alcohol in the house.

“I am glad that you can walk now. How are you feeling?” asks Kevin

“I am feeling good. My headache still comes and goes as usual but I can bear the pain. The nurse sometimes injects me with a high dose of pain killer. Please take a sit!”

I talk directly to Kevin because I am afraid that Ruby will come home soon.

“Kevin, the reason I called you is because I want to know what’s going on between the three of you. I am talking about Ruby, you and Amy’s cousin, Christian.”

Kev gives me a vivid answer

“I am not sure whether I can tell you everything. Ruby has forbid me to speak some things with you. As you said, I need to gain her trust. I don’t think that she will talk to me in the future if I tell you the whole truth. I also don’t want to hide things from you. It put me in an awry position.” says Kevin.

“Ok! You can tell me only on the general things which she didn’t forbid you to speak to me. I am just curious why she is spending more time with Rudy lately rather than with you or Chris. I don’t know what she’s up to lately.”

“I am not clear about that. Maybe, Rudy is closer to her now because he can give her a comfort that she needs at the moment. She had a big fight with Chris. She also knows that I am his best friend. It might be the reason for her to stay away from me. She doesn’t want to put me in the difficult position. You know that she is always thoughtful about everyone except herself.”

“Please continue and tell me more about the fight between Ruby and Chris.” I say to Kevin.

Kev is filling me in with all the information about the fight. It began with how Chris misunderstood her because Ruby and Kevin pulled an act in front of Chris. Kev also told me about all the things Chris tried to do to her in order to make revenge to both of them. Out of all the horrible things that he had done to her, the one that Ruby couldn’t able to forgive him is when Chris asked Doctor Wendy to go back to her country to stop my medication. I finally understand what’s going on.

“Ok! I get it now. I can see why she is making a distant with Chris now. She can’t accept that Chris is no longer the same Chris she thought he was. She thought that even though Chris was self absorbed, she never thought that Chris could try to hurt me or her father. This time, she thinks that Chris really went too far.”

Kev then asks me the most awkward question which I really don’t know how to answer him.

“Does she still love Chris at the moment?” He finally continues to explain the reason why he asked such a direct question.

“I am sorry to ask you this question but Chris is really miserable at the moment. He really regrets for all the things which he did to Ruby. He wanted to beg Ruby for her forgiveness but he didn’t know how to apologize to her. You know that Chris is a conglomerate spoilt son who never did an apology to a girl, in fact to everyone I know before. I feel bad for the guy because the only thing he does at the moment is staring at Ruby’s picture every night and continues to say that he is sorry.”

I don’t have any words to explain to him. I am not sure whether I should explain about last night to Kevin. It’s really our privacy and I am not sure that I should tell anyone without Ruby’s approval. This has put me in a really difficult position.

I really want Kevin to know all the details about Ruby and her latest development, especially her heart. He will take my position to take care of Ruby when I died. It’s important for him to understand Ruby inside and out. I keep quiet for a while. At last after a long consideration, I decide to tell him the truth about what happened between Ruby and I.

“Unfortunately, she has fallen in love with me. She really fell for me. I never truly believe it until last night. Amy told me about this before but I thought that Ruby still likes Christian. Yesterday night, I found out that I was wrong. Now, I don’t think that she still has some feelings for Christian anymore. She might fell for him in Sydney before but the feelings started to fade slowly due to the recent events like my accident and also the way Chris treated her last time. It made her realize that she might misjudge him all this time.”

Kevin pays attention seriously to my explanation. He finally asks

“How did you know that Ruby has fallen in love with you? How did you verify her feelings?”

“I don’t want to hide this from you because I know that you truly care for her happiness.”

I cannot continue to say another word for a while until Kevin insists me to explain.

“We slept together last night after she confessed about her true feelings towards me. I need to tell you this so that you can understand her position at the moment. I am really sorry to tell you about this because I know that you love her too.”

We both sit on the couch awkwardly. I know that both Kevin and I never expect this to happen. This is something all of us never planned but it just happened. He finally gives me his response

“I don’t know whether I should congratulate you or should feel sorry for Ruby. You know that you are leaving her soon. I am sorry that I said it frankly and it might hurt your feeling. But, it’s true that you are dying. You didn’t want to have the operation but you got her to sleep with you. I thought that you only want to stay by her side for only two months. I really don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to understand. I also never have all of these things planned. I really thought that she only stayed by my side because she felt guilty due to the accident. Then, I thought that she was only afraid to lose me and that feeling has grown into a special need, never love. But last night, I found out that she loves me in the same way as I have loved her all these years. Last night, she really had me convince and I couldn’t stop to control myself to love her even more. I know that I am leaving her soon enough and by sleeping with her; I am not making things any easier for her. I wish I know what I should do next for her benefit. I never wanted to leave her, not once.”

Kev then looks at me seriously

“There is only one way for you which is you have to continue to live well by taking a chance on the operation. I could have the best Doctors flown to do your operation. If the operation succeeds, you and Ruby will live a happy life and everything will have a happy ending. You said it yourself that you will let Ruby to choose who does she want to spend the rest of her life with and now she is choosing you. You have to live well. You have to do the operation for Ruby.”

I know that Kevin is right. I will talk to Prof. Wendy today by going to the hospital. I need to explore another option. I couldn’t just give up. I won’t leave without a fight.

“Let’s go to the hospital now. I want to meet Prof. Wendy. Let me call her first to see if she is available.” It turns out that she is taking two days off from the hospital. I have told her assistant that I need to see her as soon as possible and give me a call once she gets back from her leave.

Part 4: A night sky filled with white stars (Ruby)

Last night is one of the happiest nights in my life. I never imagine something so perfect to describe the word L O V E. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened last night while my tears start to fall because I know that I might lose him soon. Amy and I are going to have a spa at Grand Hyatt Hotel. Afterwards, I also ask her to accompany me to pick up the ring for Anthony. I am going to propose to him tomorrow night at 12.01 AM on his birthday. I know that it’s not a custom for a girl to propose to a boy, but I am willing to break the tradition for Anthony. I will also give him a surprise by letting him know that I already made plans to marry him on 09-09-2012. I hope that he will be happy.

Rudy, Amy and I finally have our lunch as the two of them fill me in with wedding details. Rudy shows me many options for the decoration. He also shows me all the choices for the catering, flowers and center pieces. Amy is more focusing on the wedding invitation, wedding gowns and so on. She asks me who will become the best man and I decide to have two instead of one.

I want to ask both Rudy and Kev to be my best men in the wedding day. Rudy stares at me and says

“You know that it’s a bad luck for your ex to even attend your wedding day. I think it would be better if the best man is just Kevin.”

I look at him and understand his real reason for him to reject me.

“Ok! I can live with that. But, you still have to come and see my wedding.”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” says Rudy

Amy and I went to a wedding gown boutique to try on a wedding dress which she has ordered weeks ago. I really like the design. Even though it’s not as beautiful as the one Rudy had me tried before, this time, the gown is really simplistic and looks gorgeous on me. Amy says to me

“I know that this is not Vera Wang but you will become Mrs. Wang in the future. There’s no greater happiness than that! By the way, have you told your parents that you are getting married?”

“Not yet. But, I will tell them after Anthony’s birthday. I am sure that they will be happy about it. They have known Anthony since forever.”

“Ok! Anything for you as long as it can make you and Anthony to feel happy.”

I am smiling at my maid of honor. I am really thankful to have her around. I hug her and say

“Thank you for everything. I am glad that you are here.”

I go home at 07.00 PM and start cooking dinner for Anthony. He already sits in the dining area. I make him his favorite simple fried rice with prawns for dinner. He told me that he already ordered pizza before I came home. I told him about how I enjoyed having the spa with Amy early on.

We both go to bed and I start to fall asleep very quickly. Suddenly, I feel that something is licking my neck. I really feel ticklish. It turns out that Anthony has asked me to wake up.

“Rub, wake up… It’s already 12.00 AM. It’s your 28th birthday. Happy birthday my love.”

I open my eyes and see that there is already a cake waiting for me to blow.

“I thought we will blow on our cake together tomorrow night at midnight as always.”

“No, this time, I really want to make it even more special. Please change to wear this and wash your face. Also, put your make up on. I want you to be extra beautiful on your birthday.”

“Do I have to? I really want to go back to sleep.” I kiss Anthony on his cheek.

“You really have to. Come on!”

I obey his request and go to the bathroom to change, wash and also wear a little makeup like he has asked me to. When I open my door, I already see him standing using his formal suite. I am very surprise to see that he can stand and walk without any help.

“How did this happen? When did you start walking without using the paddle?”

He begins to laugh and says

“I have been able to walk without any help since few days ago but I have been hiding it to give you a birthday surprise.”

I run towards him and give him a hug. I am so happy that he could walk normally again. He suddenly whispers

“Do you remember that I was the one who taught you your first dance?”

I am nodding my head. He turns on the music and I hear an old song called Eternal Flame is sounding to lead our first dance as a couple. We continue to dance until he asks me to sit down on my bed.

He says “You know that the best feeling in the world is knowing that I make you happy.”

My eyes begin to fill with tears. I am really scared that he is leaving me soon. I remember what Kev has told me that he only has two months to live. Suddenly, I give him a hug and burst into tears

“Don’t leave me. Please make a promise not to leave me. I don’t want to live without you.”

He hugs me back tightly and says

“A birthday girl is not allowed to cry. I won’t leave you. What makes you to even think that I will leave you? I will always be with you until death do us part.”

Anthony doesn’t know that I already found out about his disease. I need to be strong and I must pull myself together. I will make a marriage proposal to him in less than 24 hours. He gives me my second birthday present which is a necklace engraved with my name on it. It’s the same model as my bracelet. He always gives 3 birthday present for me. This time, I couldn’t feel happier to accept any gifts compare to his first birthday present for me. I am really happy that he could walk again.

We spend the night by chatting about our birthdays since we were kid. The longest I can remember about my birthday is when I was 5 years old. My mom gave me a really big cake painted with Mickey Mouse. Anthony can remember since I was 3 years old. He told me that my cake was painted with clowns at the time. My mom always tries to give the best birthday cake for me each year.

We both fall asleep in the morning and wake up really late. We have our late lunch and clean our self up. He asks me to wear a specific dress. The color is white. He asks me to get ready because he will take me to our childhood place. We call it a star hill. It’s about a 4 – 5 hours drive from Jakarta, especially with the traffic. Anthony gets us a driver to take us there as it’s not safe for him to drive at the moment. We stop by to eat dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Puncak. Puncak is the name of a small city with a much colder weather than Jakarta.

We reach the place at about 10.00 PM. Anthony already brings us a large blanket for us to lie down on the grass. We stare at the sky to see many beautiful stars.

“I always remembered all the nights we came here. This is my favorite place in the entire universe. I wish that I could grab the moon and the stars for you. You used to ask me that when we were kids.”

I turn my head and start to look back at him

“Thon, don’t promise me the moon or the stars, just promise you’ll stay under them with me forever. You know that this is my favorite place in the world too because you are always here with me.”

We continue to talk about our childhood moments. Some of them I can’t even remember because I was too young.

Suddenly, the skies are filled with fireworks. I am very curious and start asking Anthony

“I don’t understand. Why is there a firework shooting at the sky? Tonight is not a new year’s eve.”

“Tonight is not a new years eve but it is even more special. The firework was specially ordered to celebrate your birthday.”

I look at the beautiful fireworks for a while. It feels like a meteor showering down from the skies. I am looking at my watch and realize that it’s 12.00 AM now.

“Thon, happy birthday…. Please call your eyes; there is something I want to give you.”

He is closing his eyes. In the mean while, I am trying to tight his ring finger with a long red string.

“Now, open.”

He is looking at his finger and giving me his curious look.

“You know in China, parents always bless their sons and daughters who are getting married by saying that the two of them will be tied by a red string for the rest of their life. Red symbolizes happiness and string symbolizes a long time commitment which means that the couple will live happily ever after. I am now tiding your ring finger with mine also hope that we can have our ever after. Now, I am also transferring the ring from my finger to yours and hope that you are willing to marry me and make me your wife. If you say yes, you will make me the happiest woman in the world. If you say yes, I promise to obey you and love you as the only man in my love. If you say yes, please kiss me and hold me tight in your arms so I know that you won’t ever let me go.”

Anthony’s eyes are filled with tears but I know that these are the tears of joy. He lifts me up and kisses me right away. We kiss under the moonlight while the fireworks continue to light our night. This time, I wouldn’t think of anything else and I wouldn’t worry about anyone else. I just want to cherish our engagement night. I hope that by responding to his long kiss, I can let him know how much I love him.

We are walking down from our hill with our hands held to each other.

I can see that Anthony cannot stop smiling. He finally says

“Do you know that I also wanted to give you a ring for your third birthday present?”

I am laughing at him and shaking my head.

“I didn’t plan to propose to you but I planned to let you know that my heart, body and soul will always belong to you. But, your surprise gesture just ruined my very well prepared speech. Right now, I only can think about the moment you asked me to marry you. You are too cruel! You made me to love you even more. Thank you darling, I hope that tonight will never last.”

We arrive at home about 04.00 AM but none of us feel tired or even sleepy at the moment. We are already on bed and I finally plan to give my second surprise for him.

“I have a second gift for you.”

“What is it? Please don’t make my heart to stop beating. I had enough surprise for one day.”

“We are getting married very soon. It’s on 09-09-2012. Amy and Rudy have planned all the details for us. We only need to show up. We will have the ceremony in our church, the one we went when we were kids and we will have a garden reception afterwards. Everything will go according to our wedding dreams. I knew that you always wanted to have a simple garden party. Although I hate sunlight and I also don’t like to walk on the grass, I am willing to compromise with my husband.”

Anthony laughs at me. He then looks at me deeply and says

“Are you sure you want me to marry you? I might…………”

I close his mouth as I know what he is going to say. I kiss his forehead and say

“You know Thon, it doesn’t matter how long we are going to live together because with you, forever seems not enough. Don’t think about anything else. In the end, love is the only thing that counts. It’s stronger than death.”

Anthony finally says

“Rub, it’s been my dreams of to marry you and to walk you down the aisle. Thank you for making my dreams to come true and give me the courage to say yes last night. You have touched the bottom of my heart. You know, for a whole of my life; I just want you, no one else. I can’t swear that I’ll be here for the rest of your life, but I swear to love you for the rest of mine. I would have fallen in love with you anywhere no matter how and when we find a way to meet each other. You give me so many reasons to smile and so many reasons to live my life fully. I am sorry that I didn’t have the guts to propose to you first but please know that I only hesitate because I love you too much.”

I smile at him and say

“I know.”

 

We kiss and, cuddle up and go to bed after spending our beautiful night. Around three hours later, I can feel that Anthony is going to the bathroom to lock himself again. He never realizes that I actually know he always hides himself whenever he feels the pain. I want to hug him and share the pain with him but I know that he would feel worse when I am watching. God, please transfer some of his pain to me. I cannot bear to see him like that. Please make his pain go.

We both wake up at around 10.00 AM and Anthony is starting to make a call to both of our parents. He informs them about our plan to have a wedding at Sept 09 while I am sitting on the bed. He is taking something from his bag and hides it behind his back and says to me

“Now, I know why you have been spent time a lot with Rudy. I am only glad that you asked him to arrange our wedding. I was so jealous at the time. I thought that you are getting closer with him!”

I am laughing out loud. He takes my hand, kneels in front of me and puts a ring on my finger.

“Rub, marry me, live with me. I can only promise you that I will always love you.”

We kiss and hug each other so tight afterwards. We know that we will live a happy life together.

Part 5: A black ink on a white paper (Anthony)

Ruby is going out to see Rudy and Amy again for a last wedding detail. I really had no idea that she has planned this all along. Now, I really believe that she loves me for the way I am. She didn’t stay with me out of guilt but due to love. I ask Kevin to accompany me to see Prof. Wendy together. I don’t want to inform my mother or Ruby yet about my true condition before the wedding. I don’t want to spoil the mood.

Kevin and Amy are the only people who know about my disease at the moment. I can only discuss with either one of them to get the best option. I don’t want to give up. I want to live a long life with Ruby. I cannot live her so soon just after she is falling in love with me. It’s too cruel.

We are waiting at Prof. Wendy’s office. Kevin keeps looking at the ring placed on my finger.

“Ruby asked me to marry her last night and I say yes. I would have asked her to marry me first if not because of my disease. I am afraid that I cannot grow old with her. However, she really convinced me last night. The way she asked me to marry her was just so beautiful. I cannot turn say no. This morning, I kneeled in front of her and put another ring on her finger and ask her to live with me.”

Kevin smiles at me and says

“Congratulations! You really deserve to have her. I hope that everything will turn out fine. I am really happy for the both of you.”

“How’s Christian?” I ask.

“He’s been in a rough shape but I am sure that he will also feel happy for the both of you. He has changed a lot. He has learned how to love Ruby in a selfless way.”

I look at Kevin and say

“Kevin, if I cannot make it to live a long life with her, please promise me to convince her with something. Tell her that she doesn’t need to be afraid to feel love again. Tell her to open her heart to somebody else. I know that I will always stay in her heart forever but it doesn’t mean that she cannot love another person beside me forever.”

Kevin smiles at me and nods his head.

Prof. Wendy comes in to the room, sits down and explains to me.

“I have been away to make a consultation with my senior. He was in Singapore to host a Brain Tumor Seminar. I share with him about your condition and ask his help to operate you with me. He’s the best in the world. I hope that we could increase the successful rate by having him to operate you. A very senior Doctor from Indonesia, Dr. Eka will also join us to give you an operation on Sept 12. He is also one of the best in Asia at the moment. We can only hope for the best now.”

I look at Prof. Wendy and feel even more confuse. How did she know that I am willing to do the operation? She even has set the date for me. Before I ask her, she already told me about Ruby.

“Thon, you have a loving wife. You have to be grateful that you have Ruby in your life. I know that you two are getting married three days before the operation. We will try our best to help you go through this. Now, what we can do is pray and hopes for the best.”

I am feeling shock. Ruby has known about my condition all along. She has hid this from me. Why does she want me to marry her if she has known that I am dying soon? I thank Prof. Wendy and agree to have the operation as scheduled with so many possibilities wondering on my mind.

Kevin is driving me home. He says

“I am sorry. She made me promise not to tell you that she already found out about your condition. I was so angry with Chris the day he told me that he has asked Prof. Wendy to go back to her country. It’s also the very same day she found out about the disease. I am truly sorry. I already told you that there is couple of things which she already forbade me to speak.”

I am nodding my head and tell Kevin not to worry. I didn’t blame him for what happened. Now, the only thing that scares me the most is her real reason for asking me to marry her. I am afraid that she only did it because she just wants to fulfill my dying wish. Now, my feelings are even more mixed up.

I am already at home and going straight to her bedroom. I want to find her diary. She always writes before he goes to bed before. I wonder whether she still does it now. Finally, I find her diary on the drawer next to her bed. I read some of her last pages and to find out how she really felt about the recent events. There are three important highlights for the past month. It’s the night she found out that I got an accident, the one where she found out about my disease and the night when we first slept together.

—–

Dear Diary,

Anthony got in a car accident today. It scares me to dealth! He’s been unconscious for more than 12 hours. All the doctors said that his chance to wake up is really small. I am really scared to live my life if he won’t be there with me. God, please give him the strength to carry on. I really need him in my life. I really really cannot live without him. Please let him wake up. I am willing to give up everything for him to wake up. There’s so much thing that I haven’t been able to say to him. I wanted to say that I am sorry. I am sorry that I didn’t know that he couldn’t live without me in his life as well. If I knew, I wouldn’t have accepted Christian in my life. I want to tell him that he is more important than anyone in my life.

God, if it’s not too late, give me a chance to love him in the right way. I don’t want to give the love which scars his heart anymore. I have given him enough pain. Please let him live a happy life with me on his side. I rejected his love at the first time and I am really sorry. Please give me that second chance to love him the right way. God, change my heart, heal my heart so that I could love him the same way as he loves me.

—–

Dear Diary,

If Chris and I didn’t have a big fight today, I wouldn’t have found out about two very important matters in my life. Two of them have been stayed in my minds lately. First is about Chris and second is about Anthony.

Diary, you know that some parts in heart haven’t been able to let go of Chris. Everything happened so quickly and we were forced to break up when we don’t want to. But today, I really found out the truth about his personality. I realized that I haven’t really known him all this time. How can I fell in love with a person I didn’t know for sure? I am glad that I found out the truth before it’s too late.

One other thing that shocked me the most was Anthony’s condition. Kevin told me that he will only have two more months to live. Diary, I don’t know what to do. Now, that I finally able to love him in the right way, I have to find out that he’s leaving me. I really want to lock myself in a room and starve myself for weeks as a punishment for not loving him earlier. Why do I only realize my feelings when he’s dying soon? I am afraid that it’s already too late. I wish that we can have more time together.

I know that I cannot break down. But, I am really afraid to live my life without him. He was already there since I was born. He is like my other half. He is more than just my husband. He’s my everything. God, if he really dies then I also want to die with him. I just cannot live in the world when he doesn’t exist.

I couldn’t stop to cry when reading her diaries. Now, I know why she wants me to marry her. If I live, she wants to live but if I die, she also wants to die with me. How can she be so stupid? I want her to live well. How can I change her now, knowing that she even loves me more? Finally, I read the about her true feelings for me at the night when we first slept together.

—–

Dear Diary,

If I can rate my happiness from the scale of 1 – 10, last night was 11. It was the best night in my existence. The only words I want to say to him is I love you, I love you and I love you. God, please don’t take this happiness away from me. I finally feel happy! Both of us finally feel happy. God, I want to be his wife and become the mother of his children. I promise that I will become a good wife for him.

Anyway, I am planning to meet Prof. Wendy again. I hope that she can do her best for Anthony’s operation. God, I am planning to propose to Anthony on his birthday. I can only pray that he won’t reject me. I don’t care if we only have a day. I will prefer to live one day with him rather than to live 1000 days without him.

Thank You for sending him into my life. Please don’t end our love story too soon. Please give us some more time to cherish our moments together.

Anthony, I wish last night you could hear the sound of my heart beats when we made love. It always made the same rhythm. It sang “I love you, I love you and I love you.”

—–

I burst into tears right away after reading it over and over again. She really loves me. She has fallen in love with me. She didn’t stay by my side out of charity. She stayed because she truly loves me. A few minutes later, I can hear Ruby’s voice talking to her maid to ask me.

I suddenly lock her room because I don’t want her to see me crying like this. I am putting back her diary in her drawer. She tries to open the door and wonders why the room is locked. She even asks her maid. The maid tells her that I was already inside the room from early on.

“Thon, are you there?”

I don’t make any voice. I am afraid that she could recognize my voice crying in her room. Suddenly, my head starts to spin again. This time, the pain is even worse than before. It’s the worst amongst all the pain. I am holding on to Ruby’s drawer but accidently get the frame to fall down on the floor. She can hear the shatter sound from the glass. The frame is filled with our picture during her graduation.

“Thon, please open the door. Don’t scare me! Please open.”

I don’t want her to see me like this. I finally scream at her 

“Leave me alone! Please go away! Leave me alone.”

She starts to knock my door hard and begs me. I can hear that she is crying badly.

“Thon, please open the door. I know about everything. I know that you have been hiding me from your pain. Even at night, you used to lock yourself in the bathroom so I won’t notice your pain. This time, please open the door. I am so worried. Please open the door”

I really don’t know how to make her leave. I wish she knows that I never want her to see me in my lowest condition. I want her to remember me as her superman. I wish she could understand.

I begin to shout at her “Go! Please go! I don’t want you to see me now. Please go!”

She keeps knocking on the door and begs me to open the door. I can hear that she is crying.

She keeps knocking on the door even after a few minutes when I hear there is a male voice knocking at the door.

“Anthony, this is Kevin. If you don’t want to open the door, I will try to smash the door instead.”

I really want to stand up and open the door but I don’t have the strength this time. I know that my condition has gotten worse. It’s even hard for me to see things from a distant. I need to look closely. I can hear the sound of Kevin smashing the door. Finally, the door is open.

Ruby runs towards me and touches my head. She says

“Don’t worry. Prof. Wendy will be here soon. Don’t worry. I am here with you. How do you feel at the moment? Please talk to me.”

I couldn’t open my mouth. I want to let her know that I am fine but the pain in my head is really unbearable. Kevin lifts me to lie down on the bed. The nurse also comes in to give me the injection. My sight is getting even more blurry right now. I could only see shadows, not shapes. I could only wish that God could give me more time to look at Ruby wearing her wedding gown. I don’t want to lose my sights now. I am still not ready. Suddenly, everything went dark.

Part 6: She looks beautiful in white (Kevin)

Ruby is still holding Anthony’s hand. Christian and I are looking at both of them. We really could feel their loves to each other. I patch Christian on his shoulder to console him. I know that he still loves Ruby very much. I am glad that Ruby called me to come down to her apartment. She couldn’t have smashed the door alone. Her maid is sweeping the glass on the floor. I look at the picture in the frame. They both looked happy during her graduation. It seems that this picture was taken ages ago.

Finally, Prof. Wendy comes in and she does a thorough examination to Anthony.

“He needs to be hospitalized. We need to do another MRI for him to find out about the internal bleeding. We might need to push forward the operation. His condition is getting worse even quicker than I thought.”

Anthony finally opens his eyes and looks at Ruby.

“I am ok.. Don’t cry. You don’t need to worry. I am sorry about before. You must be really scared.”

Ruby responds to Anthony and puts his hand against her cheek.

“You scared me to death; you really scared me to death. Don’t lock the door again next time.”

Anthony is nodding his head. He finally says to Dr. Wendy

“I don’t want to go to the hospital. Let’s do everything as it originally planned. We can do the MRI after my wedding day. It’s only three days away. I am certain that it will not change my condition significantly. I will be just fine.”

Prof. Wendy is giving Anthony another injection. She is doing another examination to check Anthony’s eyes using her torch. Afterwards, she is giving a signal for Chris and me to go outside.

“I injected him with a high dose of vitamin for his eyes and his motorist cells. I hope that he can hold on until their wedding day. He is losing his sight and he will lose the strength to walk. You guys need to monitor his activity. I am not sure that I should inform Ruby about this. It’s your choice to tell her about his real condition. I will call my senior to come to Indonesia as soon as he can. We might fast forward his operation to the day after they are getting married.”

Chris is crying and so am I. We both don’t want to see Ruby in pain anymore. I really wish that Anthony could get better and stay by her side forever. Why the fate is so cruel to her?

Ruby comes out from her room and calls me. Anthony wants to talk to you alone. I am smiling at Chris. This is his chance to sort things out with Ruby. I hope that the two of them can at least go back to become friends. I go in to Ruby’s room and sit beside the bed.

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, I am not feeling good at all. Kevin, my time is running out. I thought that I could survive but now I know that even with the operation, I couldn’t be as healthy as I was before. I need your help to do me a favor.”

I smile at Anthony and say “Anything.”

“Inside her cupboard, there is my suitcase there. All my death wills are there and they are already legalized by lawyers. I left everything for Ruby. I saw Ruby’s diary today. What frighten me the most is when I read that she’d rather die with me than to live without me. You need to take care of her like a parasite if I die. At least, until she can settle herself well. You cannot leave her side even for one minute. Can you promise me that?”

I am looking at him and nod my head again. This time, I really can sense his love for her.

“Inside my suitcase, you will also find my diary. Please give it to her too. I hope that it can help to heal her heart. Kevin, getting Ruby back on her feet after I die will not be easy at all. You must not give up. If you give up, she won’t even be able to live. Please tell Christian that I am sorry. I am sorry that my accident caused Ruby had a change of heart. If I knew that it will end up like this, I would never have confessed my feeling for her.”

Anthony then continues to ask me his last request

“On the day of our wedding, please bring Ruby to the church safely. I know that she has chosen you to be her best man. I couldn’t pick for a better man myself. You will always be our best man.”

He asks me to hand his shoulder bag and reaches something from the inside. It turns out that it is a wedding ring.

“Please guard this with your life. This is our wedding ring.”

I am taking the ring with a pray that I hope the two of them could live a long and happy life. I am leaving Anthony to rest while Ruby is coming to take care of him. I ask Chris whether the two of them had a chance to talk to straight things out. He says that he didn’t even know how to console Ruby. Chris doesn’t want to add another burden to Ruby as well. Now, what he wants to do is to only to support Ruby silently.

I am calling Amy to ask Rudy’s phone number. The three of us is having a three way chat on our phone. We discuss about Anthony and Ruby’s wedding detail. I ask Amy whether the liturgy at the church has settled. She said that everything has already completed. I trust Amy. She has the “Wong” blood running inside her body. I remember how detailed was May when she had to arrange the company 100 years of celebration. I am certain that both Amy and Rudy have also given their best effort to put down a beautiful wedding for Ruby and Anthony.

“Ok guys! I will see you on the wedding day.” I finally hang up the phone after spending three hours on the phone. Amy can turn into a professional wedding organizer.

Today is Sept 9, 2012. It’s their wedding day. The weather is so beautiful. The skies are so blue. I am knocking her room at her home town and she allows me to come in. I look at her for a while. She is so beautiful wearing the white gown Amy has chose for her. The gown really fits with this occasion. It’s simple and classic. It’s not glamorous but it certainly makes her look stunning.

“Happy wedding day” I finally able to open my mouth after admiring her looks

“Thank you. Thank you for everything. I am so happy that this day finally comes.”

“Can your best man give you a hug for a while?”

I really want to hug her for the last time I look at her as a single woman. After today, I have to delete all my feelings for her. It’s just not right when you still have feelings for a man’s wife.

“Sure!” Ruby is smiling at me.

We hug for a while until I hear there is someone who is knocking at her door. It turns out that it’s Rudy. I know that the two of them want to say their good bye also. I wonder if Christian will come to attend the wedding.

I go outside for a moment and head out to the church to help Amy. She must have gotten her hands full. Out of the ordinary, I see Chris seating at the back of the church staring at the cross. I patch him on his shoulder to let him know that I am here.

“She must be really beautiful wearing white.” says Christian. His tears are falling down to the floor.

“She does. She really looks beautiful.” I reply to what he says.

Two hours later, the family and guests have arrived. The church is on full capacity. Anthony is already waiting at the altar. Ruby is now making an entrance with his father. The choir sings the song of Ave Maria. It’s really beautiful. I am already at the altar beside Anthony to hold their wedding rings. Her father gives her hand to Anthony and they continue to walk down the aisle hand in hand. They keep smiling to each other. Now, it’s time for them to say their promises in front of the audience and God. They begin to say their vows before exchanging their rings.

“I Anthony Wang take thee Ruby Lee to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.”

“I Ruby Lee take thee Anthony Wang to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.”

I give the ring to Anthony and he takes Ruby’s hand to put the ring on her finger. Suddenly, Anthony is passing out before he manages to place the ring on her finger. Everyone is so surprise to see what happens. Prof. Wendy runs to the altar to see Anthony. Ruby is calling his name constantly. She doesn’t cry or doesn’t even beg him to wake up. She just keeps calling his name. Everyone is panicking. I start to call 112 and ask for an ambulance to come as soon as possible.

The ambulance comes after a few minutes. We transfer him to the nearest hospital. Ruby, Prof. Wendy and I are in the ambulance with her. Ruby keeps holding his hand tightly. She doesn’t talk to anyone and doesn’t react to anyone when they asked her to change her cloth first. I know that it is useless for anyone to call her name. Right now, she only wants to hear one person calling her name. The one person she loves the most, the one that she just called him her husband.